The journey ends

Bennette
Bennette Member Posts: 65
in Kidney Cancer #1
I want to start by thanking every single one of you who have offered me hope and advice during these past months. I had to take my mom to the emergency room last Thursday and they found she had a rupture in her bowel system. It is not healing itself and they do not believe she could survive and/or recover from another major surgery (since she just had her kidney removed in April). We had to make the decision about a DNR on Sunday when she was having trouble, but she recovered from that episode on her own. They have stopped all her treatment, keeping her on IV antibiotics and pain meds while she is at the hospital. We toured our hospice options yesterday and found the best one for her and put her on the wait list, which should be a day or two and then we will move her there. It is a very home-like place and the way she wanted it, as she did not want to pass away in one of our homes.

I wish we could have had a longer, more successful fight, but she has certainly given it her best. I know I would not have been as much help to her if it hadn't been for all of you and all the information and support you so freely share!

I wish all of you the best in your own battles and thank you for helping us with ours!

Yours truly,

Bennette

Comments

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #2
    Only the beginning...
    Dear Bennette,

    As your mother's journey ends here remember that it will be a rebirth for her, free from pain, worries, all disease, and fear. She goes to a better place, reunites with loved ones past, and prepares for reunions with those left behind, rest assured you will see her again.

    In but the blink of an eye,

    Gary
  • lbinmsp
    lbinmsp Member Posts: 266
    #3
    Sincere prayers
    and loving thoughts headed your way. You and your mother have been so brave and strong through this. I believe that as this journey ends, a new and greater one begins - where there is no pain but only love and joy.

    God bless.

    LizB
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    #4
    lbinmsp said:

    Sincere prayers
    and loving thoughts headed your way. You and your mother have been so brave and strong through this. I believe that as this journey ends, a new and greater one begins - where there is no pain but only love and joy.

    God bless.

    LizB

    The journey ends
    Bennette, you (and, I believe your Sister) have done everything in your power for your Mother and it must be a great comfort to her to know how much you all love her and to have seen all you have striven to do to save her from pain and to make the remainder of her life on earth as kind as possible.

    Like our other friends here (and on Acor), I feel for you and pray that you all find peace.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    #5
    your mom
    Let me join Gary, Liz and Tex in their expressions above and wish you all (your mom, sister and you) strength and peace. You are a wonderful daughter Bennette. You've been and continue to be devoted to your mom and ensuring she has the benefit of the best medical care available. I admire that kind of loyalty and hope you receive comfort knowing you've done everything humanly possible. It's now in bigger hands.
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #6
    alice124 said:

    your mom
    Let me join Gary, Liz and Tex in their expressions above and wish you all (your mom, sister and you) strength and peace. You are a wonderful daughter Bennette. You've been and continue to be devoted to your mom and ensuring she has the benefit of the best medical care available. I admire that kind of loyalty and hope you receive comfort knowing you've done everything humanly possible. It's now in bigger hands.

    Bennette
    Bennette, God Bless you, sis, and your mom.
  • KJones1969
    KJones1969 Member Posts: 158
    #7
    Praying for you
    Praying for you and your family!
  • DogRescuer
    DogRescuer Member Posts: 52 Member
    #8
    Blessed
    Your mom is truly blessed to have you as such a loving daughter! Just can't express how important that is. Stay by her side and give her love and peace.
  • Bennette
    Bennette Member Posts: 65
    #9
    DogRescuer said:

    Blessed
    Your mom is truly blessed to have you as such a loving daughter! Just can't express how important that is. Stay by her side and give her love and peace.

    Thank you all!
    We actually received a call first thing yesterday and they had a room available. We had her moved in by 3pm and she was very pleased with her room. The hardest part has been explaining things to my children (the youngest is 17) and to my aunts and uncles. My mom is 1 of 8 and while the 3rd oldest, she is the first to face this. Luckily my mom has actually started helping with this by telling them herself that she is ok with this. It is hard for some to understand why we aren't doing everything possible to try and stop this. I am going to meet with one of the social workers at the hospice today and see what they can do to help with the family. Big families are great and I love them all, but it is also hard, hard, hard, to keep explaining the circumstances over and over again. I think they are going to help me with some of that and work out a system of keeping everyone informed and for time sharing. The last two days there have been at least 8-10 people at a time visiting and I think it is getting to be too much for her, so the hospice staff are going help us inform eveyone to hang out in the family areas and take turns visiting her. I think this will be better as she does much better talking to one or two people at a time, not 10.

    The staff also told me they would help me with my grandson, as he is 4 and since I watch him during the day and my mom was staying with us, he has been helping care for her too and I want to make sure he understands what is happening and why she will be gone. They have become very close and he does understand she is sick, but he has never had someone close just disappear before.

    I actually was not very good at asking for help before all this happened, I have to thank all of you for teaching me that it is ok to ask for help when you need it. Now I find myself asking for help with one thing or another multiple times a day as we go through this and it really does make it more doable. I have no idea how much time we have with her, but I want to make sure we make the most of every moment.

    So again, I can't thank all of you enough for your support, advice, and prayers, you are all truly wonderful people!!!

    Bennette
  • lbinmsp
    lbinmsp Member Posts: 266
    #10
    Bennette said:

    Thank you all!
    We actually received a call first thing yesterday and they had a room available. We had her moved in by 3pm and she was very pleased with her room. The hardest part has been explaining things to my children (the youngest is 17) and to my aunts and uncles. My mom is 1 of 8 and while the 3rd oldest, she is the first to face this. Luckily my mom has actually started helping with this by telling them herself that she is ok with this. It is hard for some to understand why we aren't doing everything possible to try and stop this. I am going to meet with one of the social workers at the hospice today and see what they can do to help with the family. Big families are great and I love them all, but it is also hard, hard, hard, to keep explaining the circumstances over and over again. I think they are going to help me with some of that and work out a system of keeping everyone informed and for time sharing. The last two days there have been at least 8-10 people at a time visiting and I think it is getting to be too much for her, so the hospice staff are going help us inform eveyone to hang out in the family areas and take turns visiting her. I think this will be better as she does much better talking to one or two people at a time, not 10.

    The staff also told me they would help me with my grandson, as he is 4 and since I watch him during the day and my mom was staying with us, he has been helping care for her too and I want to make sure he understands what is happening and why she will be gone. They have become very close and he does understand she is sick, but he has never had someone close just disappear before.

    I actually was not very good at asking for help before all this happened, I have to thank all of you for teaching me that it is ok to ask for help when you need it. Now I find myself asking for help with one thing or another multiple times a day as we go through this and it really does make it more doable. I have no idea how much time we have with her, but I want to make sure we make the most of every moment.

    So again, I can't thank all of you enough for your support, advice, and prayers, you are all truly wonderful people!!!

    Bennette

    Hospice
    My family has used hospice services twice - and each time we've walked away feeling that they are all angels on earth! Each person is well trained in dealing with very aspect of comfort care (and that is what it is ... comfort and exceptional care). They helped me too in managing visitors as well as helping with the nieces and nephews to understand what was going on. Truly amazing folks.

    You've done everything right - trust in that. The only thing left - is just to love her and each other.

    Continued prayers for all of you.

    LizB
  • aditya_fighter
    aditya_fighter Member Posts: 20
    #11
    Bennette said:

    Thank you all!
    We actually received a call first thing yesterday and they had a room available. We had her moved in by 3pm and she was very pleased with her room. The hardest part has been explaining things to my children (the youngest is 17) and to my aunts and uncles. My mom is 1 of 8 and while the 3rd oldest, she is the first to face this. Luckily my mom has actually started helping with this by telling them herself that she is ok with this. It is hard for some to understand why we aren't doing everything possible to try and stop this. I am going to meet with one of the social workers at the hospice today and see what they can do to help with the family. Big families are great and I love them all, but it is also hard, hard, hard, to keep explaining the circumstances over and over again. I think they are going to help me with some of that and work out a system of keeping everyone informed and for time sharing. The last two days there have been at least 8-10 people at a time visiting and I think it is getting to be too much for her, so the hospice staff are going help us inform eveyone to hang out in the family areas and take turns visiting her. I think this will be better as she does much better talking to one or two people at a time, not 10.

    The staff also told me they would help me with my grandson, as he is 4 and since I watch him during the day and my mom was staying with us, he has been helping care for her too and I want to make sure he understands what is happening and why she will be gone. They have become very close and he does understand she is sick, but he has never had someone close just disappear before.

    I actually was not very good at asking for help before all this happened, I have to thank all of you for teaching me that it is ok to ask for help when you need it. Now I find myself asking for help with one thing or another multiple times a day as we go through this and it really does make it more doable. I have no idea how much time we have with her, but I want to make sure we make the most of every moment.

    So again, I can't thank all of you enough for your support, advice, and prayers, you are all truly wonderful people!!!

    Bennette

    Bless you and your family
    Bennette. May God bless your mother and all your family members who are with her at the moment.
  • Bennette
    Bennette Member Posts: 65
    #12
    aditya_fighter said:

    Bless you and your family
    Bennette. May God bless your mother and all your family members who are with her at the moment.

    Her pain is over.
    Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.

    My mother passed away on Friday, surrounded by loved ones.

    The hospice workers were wonderful the whole time, they kept her well cared for and comfortable.

    She had a cascade of vistors, family and friends, able to come and spend time with her every day she was there.

    Again, thank you for all your advice and support during her battle. I truly hope they find some better treatments in the near future, to help all of you and those in the future who face this disease.

    Best wishes to all of you!

    Bennette
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    #13
    Bennette said:

    Her pain is over.
    Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.

    My mother passed away on Friday, surrounded by loved ones.

    The hospice workers were wonderful the whole time, they kept her well cared for and comfortable.

    She had a cascade of vistors, family and friends, able to come and spend time with her every day she was there.

    Again, thank you for all your advice and support during her battle. I truly hope they find some better treatments in the near future, to help all of you and those in the future who face this disease.

    Best wishes to all of you!

    Bennette

    We are all connected
    Bennette, the love and care you showed for your Mother spread comfort to all of us here who witnessed it; and now all of us feel for you.
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #14
    Texas_wedge said:

    We are all connected
    Bennette, the love and care you showed for your Mother spread comfort to all of us here who witnessed it; and now all of us feel for you.

    Bennette
    So sorry to hear. I'm sure your mom was very proud of you, and appreciative of your care. Fox.
  • rae_rae
    rae_rae Member Posts: 300 Member
    #15
    foxhd said:

    Bennette
    So sorry to hear. I'm sure your mom was very proud of you, and appreciative of your care. Fox.

    Bennette
    I am so sorry to read of your mother's passing. May God bless you and give you and your family peace.

    Warm hugs,
    Rae
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #16
    rae_rae said:

    Bennette
    I am so sorry to read of your mother's passing. May God bless you and give you and your family peace.

    Warm hugs,
    Rae

    You will see her again...
    Dear Bennette,

    The love and compassion surrounding your mom made this step in her journey much easier to take, I am so sorry for your loss. May you and your family find peace in knowing that she is without pain, disease, or fear, and that all of life's questions have been answered.

    God bless,

    Gary
  • donna_lee
    donna_lee Member Posts: 1,045 Member
    #17
    garym said:

    You will see her again...
    Dear Bennette,

    The love and compassion surrounding your mom made this step in her journey much easier to take, I am so sorry for your loss. May you and your family find peace in knowing that she is without pain, disease, or fear, and that all of life's questions have been answered.

    God bless,

    Gary

    A new journey
    May your love sustain you. You Mom has had a difficult time and seems to have keep her chin up through it all. Depending upon the Hospice and the resources within the community, there may be grief counseling available. Or a Support Group. Please don't hesitate to take advantage of what is out there.
    'nuff said.
    donna_lee
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    #18
    donna_lee said:

    A new journey
    May your love sustain you. You Mom has had a difficult time and seems to have keep her chin up through it all. Depending upon the Hospice and the resources within the community, there may be grief counseling available. Or a Support Group. Please don't hesitate to take advantage of what is out there.
    'nuff said.
    donna_lee

    My sympathy
    Let me join the others in expressing my sincere sorrow. Your mom fought a tough fight and you and your sister were right there with her. Stay strong. She is at peace now as you should be knowing you did everything possible to make her last days the best they could be. God bless. . .
  • Bennette
    Bennette Member Posts: 65
    #19
    alice124 said:

    My sympathy
    Let me join the others in expressing my sincere sorrow. Your mom fought a tough fight and you and your sister were right there with her. Stay strong. She is at peace now as you should be knowing you did everything possible to make her last days the best they could be. God bless. . .

    Thanks
    I came back on here today, to read all your loving comments again as I prepare to attend her visitation tonight.

    You are all wonderful people and I wish you all the best for the future!

    Sincerely,

    Bennette

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