Chemo brain. Unsavory thoughts

Helen321
Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
edited July 2012 in Colorectal Cancer #1
With lack of a better way to describe what is going on, I feel like an addict trying to withdraw from drugs. I don't actually know what it feels like but I would imagine this is is as horrible as it gets. Is this what they call chemo brain? Why is it making me think about suicide (I'm not going to do it, I'm just constantly feeling bad and the thoughts arise just get this done. I'm doing the whole you survived another minute routine). I've already put in to see the shrink at Sloan but I don't know exactly how to describe this "OMG please rip my brain out of my head" feeling. It is not memory loss, it is not confusion, it is a physical discomfort so severe in the front of my head, I want to rip my brain out of my head at the moment. Could it be nerve sensitivity of the front of the head? Hormone imbalance? Does anyone know what this? And how to make it stop?

. . . .Follow up. It was the antinausea drug. One of the uncommon side effects groups was suicidal tendencies, agitation and anxiety. Off of the medication, onto Adavan (got the generic version) and we're back to a happy, yeahhh I want to live Helen this morning). Only side effect seems to be insomnia or maybe I just wasn't tired. Will add some melatono in tonight if nothing else happens today. First moment in a REALLY long time that I feel like myself.

Comments

  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    Helen
    I've never had pain from chemo, it's probably best if you call your onc right away and let them know about this. for me, chemo brain is like trying to think through a fog that gets heavier each time. Last time it was like a very thick Scottish fog, this week it's probably going to be more like cotton batting. But, there's no pain involved. Again, please let your onc know about this.

    Doc/Ray
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    it could be the dex
    look up the side effects of dexamethazone, the standard steroid used with folfox.
    maybe a great naturopath can help with the symptoms.

    hugs,
    pete
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Chemo
    Have you looked into any meds for anxiety? I know that the idea of more meds is not pleasant for some people.
    I went for 6+ months at the beginning of my dx solo, then I started seeing a therapist which helped (and still does help) and also started on xanax. I used to have judgements on "those type" meds but when I was faced with stage IV colon cancer and all of the fun that comes with it, I changed my tune. It helped me take the edge off...

    I never experienced physical pain though, I would also talk to your Onc...
    -p
    PS: who is your Onc at Sloan? I see Dr K.
  • peterz54
    peterz54 Member Posts: 341
    Helen,
    My wife's Oncology


    Helen,

    My wife's Oncology center operates a triage desk - they encourage us to call in with anything and everything. You should report this to your Oncologist's office if you haven't already. There may be drugs that will help. My wife went through episodes of feeling so awfull she questioned whether she could go on, but after a couple of very bad days each treatment she made it to the other side. She takes xanax or adavan for anxiety which helps some.

    wish you well

    peter
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
    I an sorry you feel this way...
    I am thinking this is not chemo brain but just clinical depression setting it.. but I am not a doc..
    chemo brain is like a fog and being disfunctional.. like putting thought and phrases and words together.. it comes after a few treatments and you just started.. didn't you?
    FolFox does not always have steriods associated to it as mentioned by an earlier post. However I do agree steriods can cause this type of depression. the steriod if you are getting it at all is used to controll the alergic side effects. However if you are tollerating it ok doc may cut it back if not needed.. mine was..
    Please talk to your doctor
    Sending you postive energy to find peace..
    Hugs,
    Donna
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    .....
    Helen, if it helps, these feelings are not uncommon. I too would feel panic and depression set in about three days after tx.
    What helped me, in no particular order:
    Meds--Xanax and its ilk worked quickly.
    Diversion---TV, books, getting outdoors and engaged in an activity
    Talking with someone who had been there---I couldn't trust my own thoughts.
    I made a list and titled it "My Ammo" and would look at in when I was feeling bleak. Number 1 on the list was "I can't trust my own thoughts right now" and "this mood will pass." Things of that nature. I also wrote down things that made me happy and would do, or at least think, about one of those things.
    Sleeping cannot be overrated. It gives your mind a chance to heal as well as your body. But if you're just laying there with a monkey mind, read something hopeful, funny, positive or mindless to move your thoughts to a better feeling place.
    Nothing is more important than you make this as easy as possible on yourself.
    Hang in there, okay?
    Tommycat
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Treatment
    Your brain really shouldn't be hurting from the chemo and that is not chemo brain as has been stated above. You could have a headache from it especially from lack of sleep with the steroids or if you are taking a booster to pump up your WBC then your skull would hurt. It is common for one to become depressed after diagnosis and through chemo so you should contact your doctor regarding medication to help get you through this. Having suicidal thoughts is definitely something you should contact your doctor with soon. Hope you feel better soon.

    Kim
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    Gatoraid, bananas and dried
    Gatoraid, bananas and dried ginger helped me feel better. The headaches are terrible. Hydration, hydration, hydration. That will help with the joint aches and the headache.

    I also walked a lot. No matter how crumby I felt, I would get out 3 times a day for a walk. If I felt really bad or knew I needed to stay close to the loo I would just circle the block. Sometimes when I felt the worst, the walk made me feel better to get out in the fresh air, and sunlight.

    It is only for a short time, and you will feel good again.

    Best Always, mike
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    Back to normal this
    Back to normal this "morning". It wasn't the chemo, it was the antinausea drug. Can't remember the name of it at the moment because I was on a SERIOUS trip from the stuff and it's a long one. I had to give the bottle to someone so I wouldn't mix up the bottles and take it by accident seeing as I was like a junkie at the moment. lol Talk about a serious trip. Stuff had me over the edge to the point where I actually had to go into the ER. Because I don't take meds I always get the weird side effects and this one happened to be suicidal tendencies, agitation and anxiety. Docs wanted to keep me overnight for observation and I wasn't allowed to close my curtain. As soon as I stopped taking it and let time pass yesterday I was much better. Now I'm taking Lorazapram which I'm willing to bet the rare side effect is insomnia since I'm up in the middle of the night=) I'll give this one day to see if anything weird happens and then throw in some melatonin which works wonders (thank you for that suggestion, sleep like a log with that stuff). No chemo of any kind today, a somewhat normal drug for anxiety/nausea and I actually feel like myself. I hope this keeps up all day, it'll feel so good to feel like myself for even a day! Thanks to all. Helen
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    Helen321 said:

    Back to normal this
    Back to normal this "morning". It wasn't the chemo, it was the antinausea drug. Can't remember the name of it at the moment because I was on a SERIOUS trip from the stuff and it's a long one. I had to give the bottle to someone so I wouldn't mix up the bottles and take it by accident seeing as I was like a junkie at the moment. lol Talk about a serious trip. Stuff had me over the edge to the point where I actually had to go into the ER. Because I don't take meds I always get the weird side effects and this one happened to be suicidal tendencies, agitation and anxiety. Docs wanted to keep me overnight for observation and I wasn't allowed to close my curtain. As soon as I stopped taking it and let time pass yesterday I was much better. Now I'm taking Lorazapram which I'm willing to bet the rare side effect is insomnia since I'm up in the middle of the night=) I'll give this one day to see if anything weird happens and then throw in some melatonin which works wonders (thank you for that suggestion, sleep like a log with that stuff). No chemo of any kind today, a somewhat normal drug for anxiety/nausea and I actually feel like myself. I hope this keeps up all day, it'll feel so good to feel like myself for even a day! Thanks to all. Helen

    Oh and obviously they let me
    Oh and obviously they let me go home once I became my normal self=)
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member

    Treatment
    Your brain really shouldn't be hurting from the chemo and that is not chemo brain as has been stated above. You could have a headache from it especially from lack of sleep with the steroids or if you are taking a booster to pump up your WBC then your skull would hurt. It is common for one to become depressed after diagnosis and through chemo so you should contact your doctor regarding medication to help get you through this. Having suicidal thoughts is definitely something you should contact your doctor with soon. Hope you feel better soon.

    Kim

    Right on the money Kim!
    Right on the money Kim! Feeling oh so much better, thank you.
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    peterz54 said:

    Helen,
    My wife's Oncology


    Helen,

    My wife's Oncology center operates a triage desk - they encourage us to call in with anything and everything. You should report this to your Oncologist's office if you haven't already. There may be drugs that will help. My wife went through episodes of feeling so awfull she questioned whether she could go on, but after a couple of very bad days each treatment she made it to the other side. She takes xanax or adavan for anxiety which helps some.

    wish you well

    peter

    It was the antinausea, you
    It was the antinausea, you hit it on the head with adavan, I'm taking the generic version! An anti-anxiety, nausea in one. I feel SO much better this morning. Good deal. Almost myself if I wasn't up at the unGodly hour. Tonight as long as nothing weird happens with the second dose, I'll throw in a little melatonin. That stuff does wonders. Even makes me drool on my pillow (I haven't done that since I was a teenager). lol Thanks Peter.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Helen321 said:

    Oh and obviously they let me
    Oh and obviously they let me go home once I became my normal self=)

    Good
    Glad you are feeling better. That medicine has so many side effects and that's another thing that you just have to test out. Hope you get that much needed rest.

    Kim
  • Lifeisajourney
    Lifeisajourney Member Posts: 216
    chemo brain
    to me was an introduction to what dementia might be like----don't remember somethings quickly......ATIvan is for relaxing and it helps me sleep very good......never felt suicidal, but I have told dr. onc. I am never truly happy anymore, he prescribed an anti depressent....have not felt unhapppy enough to to take it yet, since I hate meds...if I felt suicidal blame it on something you are taking and get to the dr. could be a combination. Remember these meds will chemically affect us someway...my new norm happens at this time not to be a happy person, I am facing something I KNOW nothing about and that is my reaction..MY primary was not big on the anti depressent. As a human I just have to deal with life as presented, I will go to more dependent drugs if necessary, but got enough drugs and none are chemo. GOOD LUCK....Pat
  • WinneyPooh
    WinneyPooh Member Posts: 318
    stop taking the anti nausea drug
    I would say it is the anti nausea drug for sure it contains narcotics more than likely and these can cause depression and these thoughts. I would suggest something else for nausea but the board won't allow it.

    Take care
    Penny
  • relaxoutdoors08
    relaxoutdoors08 Member Posts: 521 Member

    stop taking the anti nausea drug
    I would say it is the anti nausea drug for sure it contains narcotics more than likely and these can cause depression and these thoughts. I would suggest something else for nausea but the board won't allow it.

    Take care
    Penny

    Mayo Clinic Encouraged Relaxation Meditation
    I had such low blood pressure and felt so weak using the anti nausea meds so after the Oxy when doing the 5Fu on the pump, I did not use any anti nausea meds but instead used relaxation response, and meditation as a supplement using the CD's provided by the Mayo Cancer Center. Maybe seeing a counselor who has a background in using relaxation response therapy.
    NB
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    Helen321 said:

    It was the antinausea, you
    It was the antinausea, you hit it on the head with adavan, I'm taking the generic version! An anti-anxiety, nausea in one. I feel SO much better this morning. Good deal. Almost myself if I wasn't up at the unGodly hour. Tonight as long as nothing weird happens with the second dose, I'll throw in a little melatonin. That stuff does wonders. Even makes me drool on my pillow (I haven't done that since I was a teenager). lol Thanks Peter.

    Yay Helen!
    So glad that you're back to yourself today! I had chemo today, so my brain is off to Hawaii for vacation. Think I'm going to spend the evening trying to read and understand The Cat in the Hat.
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    Helen321 said:

    Oh and obviously they let me
    Oh and obviously they let me go home once I became my normal self=)

    Glad you're feeling better, Helen!
    That sounds awful. When I was in the hospital for surgery I was given a combo of anti-anxiety meds and opiates that caused me to spend a couple of days in a psychotic state. I still remember hearing one of the nurses saying "WHY is she on such a high dosage? That's not safe!". Felt much better pretty much as soon as they cut the drugs way back. These are necessary medications, but the occasional weird reaction is very scary. Hugs-Ann