“HOPE” – The Straw That Stirs the Drink

steved

Accurate hope
I said I would write my own opinions about the double edged sword that I see hope can play. For many of us here we face a fairly daunting future and hope helps us do that. However, I have found personally, and in others I know, that hope can hold back people in the process of coming to terms with their position. A lot is written about grieving processes and the stages people pass through in grief. It has a lot of relevance to our journey as in truth we have faced a similar loss of our old selves and go through similar stages in coming to terms with that. Ultimately we try to find an acceptance of our position that allows us to live comfortably with it and it is through acceptance that we can focus on quality of life, eeking pleasure out of every moment and appreciating the time we are given.

Hope is important in sustaining us through some of the difficult feelings we face as we move towards acceptance- it keeps us going when we feel low and despondent and stops us getting stuck in coping strategies that can be counter productive such as excessive denial of our problems. However, as we move towards accepting what we face, inaccurate hope- that which is unrealistic or based in denial of what is really happening- can prevent us from really accepting our position and feeling comfortable in that acceptance. An example is those of us who are stage 4 holding to innacurate hopes that chemo may cure us when in truth this is an uncommon outcome and, whilst it can't be denied it happens, the hope of it happening to us needs to be proportionate to the likelihood.

I don't wish to be negative in what I say, nor rob people of their hope, as I acknowledge the huge role hope has in sustaining us all. I also accept that this is simply an opinion that others may not agree with. However, I would emphasise that, having travelled this road for many years now, we need to direct our energies in the most healthy way we can in this journey and accepting what we realistically face and balancing that out with accurate hopes is where I think that this path ultimately leads.

steve

janderson1964

steved said:

Accurate hope
I said I would write my own opinions about the double edged sword that I see hope can play. For many of us here we face a fairly daunting future and hope helps us do that. However, I have found personally, and in others I know, that hope can hold back people in the process of coming to terms with their position. A lot is written about grieving processes and the stages people pass through in grief. It has a lot of relevance to our journey as in truth we have faced a similar loss of our old selves and go through similar stages in coming to terms with that. Ultimately we try to find an acceptance of our position that allows us to live comfortably with it and it is through acceptance that we can focus on quality of life, eeking pleasure out of every moment and appreciating the time we are given.

Hope is important in sustaining us through some of the difficult feelings we face as we move towards acceptance- it keeps us going when we feel low and despondent and stops us getting stuck in coping strategies that can be counter productive such as excessive denial of our problems. However, as we move towards accepting what we face, inaccurate hope- that which is unrealistic or based in denial of what is really happening- can prevent us from really accepting our position and feeling comfortable in that acceptance. An example is those of us who are stage 4 holding to innacurate hopes that chemo may cure us when in truth this is an uncommon outcome and, whilst it can't be denied it happens, the hope of it happening to us needs to be proportionate to the likelihood.

I don't wish to be negative in what I say, nor rob people of their hope, as I acknowledge the huge role hope has in sustaining us all. I also accept that this is simply an opinion that others may not agree with. However, I would emphasise that, having travelled this road for many years now, we need to direct our energies in the most healthy way we can in this journey and accepting what we realistically face and balancing that out with accurate hopes is where I think that this path ultimately leads.

steve

Every day that we wake up
Every day that we wake up there should be a new sense of hope just for making it through another day and a day closer to that next treatment or proceedure being developed/approved that could change our whole outcome. I agree that hope has to be realistic but it also has to be "real". What I mean by real is that what hope you have you have to believe with all of your heart and soul.

I bet if they did a trial they would find that people live longer who have real hope as opposed to people who have little or no hope.

Hope equates to fighting as well. I garuntee real fighters live longer regardless of how they choose to fight cancer. Your mind has a lot of influence over the rest of your body. That is why I believe a positive fighting attitude can make a difference and has kept me around this long.

There is so much debate about alternative approaches here. I dont think there is a magic bullet in conventional medecine or alternatives but I think if you believe in and have hope in whatever you choose it will make a difference in your outcome.

I choose all 4. Conventional, nutrition, exercise, and attitude.

I used to believe/hope I could be cured. I still hope I cn be cured but I also have now accepted the fact that I just might have to live with cancer. I think about dying often which I am sure we all do but I am NOT willing to accept the fact that cancer is going to kill me. I will fight tooth and nail partially out of spite.

relaxoutdoors08

janderson1964 said:

Every day that we wake up
Every day that we wake up there should be a new sense of hope just for making it through another day and a day closer to that next treatment or proceedure being developed/approved that could change our whole outcome. I agree that hope has to be realistic but it also has to be "real". What I mean by real is that what hope you have you have to believe with all of your heart and soul.

I bet if they did a trial they would find that people live longer who have real hope as opposed to people who have little or no hope.

Hope equates to fighting as well. I garuntee real fighters live longer regardless of how they choose to fight cancer. Your mind has a lot of influence over the rest of your body. That is why I believe a positive fighting attitude can make a difference and has kept me around this long.

There is so much debate about alternative approaches here. I dont think there is a magic bullet in conventional medecine or alternatives but I think if you believe in and have hope in whatever you choose it will make a difference in your outcome.

I choose all 4. Conventional, nutrition, exercise, and attitude.

I used to believe/hope I could be cured. I still hope I cn be cured but I also have now accepted the fact that I just might have to live with cancer. I think about dying often which I am sure we all do but I am NOT willing to accept the fact that cancer is going to kill me. I will fight tooth and nail partially out of spite.

Thank you All
For all of you who have "walked the walk", Thank you. I recognize when told by my surgeon and my oncologist I am in the group most likely to recur, my husband and I PREPARED FOR WORST, BUT HOPED FOR THE BEST. Now I am using meditation, aspirin,exercise,prayer, healing from chemo and living scan to scan.
NB

danker

janderson1964 said:

Every day that we wake up
Every day that we wake up there should be a new sense of hope just for making it through another day and a day closer to that next treatment or proceedure being developed/approved that could change our whole outcome. I agree that hope has to be realistic but it also has to be "real". What I mean by real is that what hope you have you have to believe with all of your heart and soul.

I bet if they did a trial they would find that people live longer who have real hope as opposed to people who have little or no hope.

Hope equates to fighting as well. I garuntee real fighters live longer regardless of how they choose to fight cancer. Your mind has a lot of influence over the rest of your body. That is why I believe a positive fighting attitude can make a difference and has kept me around this long.

There is so much debate about alternative approaches here. I dont think there is a magic bullet in conventional medecine or alternatives but I think if you believe in and have hope in whatever you choose it will make a difference in your outcome.

I choose all 4. Conventional, nutrition, exercise, and attitude.

I used to believe/hope I could be cured. I still hope I cn be cured but I also have now accepted the fact that I just might have to live with cancer. I think about dying often which I am sure we all do but I am NOT willing to accept the fact that cancer is going to kill me. I will fight tooth and nail partially out of spite.

wake up
A cousin of mine said" if when you wake up in the morning- and know who you are and where you are it"s a magnificent day. Having a wife with alzheimers, I know the time will come when she cannot do that. Her situation makes me sad, but every day we have left where she knows who I am is indeed a magnificent day. Aunti Mame sais, "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. Enjoy every day you have!!!

Sundanceh

steved said:

Accurate hope
I said I would write my own opinions about the double edged sword that I see hope can play. For many of us here we face a fairly daunting future and hope helps us do that. However, I have found personally, and in others I know, that hope can hold back people in the process of coming to terms with their position. A lot is written about grieving processes and the stages people pass through in grief. It has a lot of relevance to our journey as in truth we have faced a similar loss of our old selves and go through similar stages in coming to terms with that. Ultimately we try to find an acceptance of our position that allows us to live comfortably with it and it is through acceptance that we can focus on quality of life, eeking pleasure out of every moment and appreciating the time we are given.

Hope is important in sustaining us through some of the difficult feelings we face as we move towards acceptance- it keeps us going when we feel low and despondent and stops us getting stuck in coping strategies that can be counter productive such as excessive denial of our problems. However, as we move towards accepting what we face, inaccurate hope- that which is unrealistic or based in denial of what is really happening- can prevent us from really accepting our position and feeling comfortable in that acceptance. An example is those of us who are stage 4 holding to innacurate hopes that chemo may cure us when in truth this is an uncommon outcome and, whilst it can't be denied it happens, the hope of it happening to us needs to be proportionate to the likelihood.

I don't wish to be negative in what I say, nor rob people of their hope, as I acknowledge the huge role hope has in sustaining us all. I also accept that this is simply an opinion that others may not agree with. However, I would emphasise that, having travelled this road for many years now, we need to direct our energies in the most healthy way we can in this journey and accepting what we realistically face and balancing that out with accurate hopes is where I think that this path ultimately leads.

steve

Steve
I understand what you are saying.....and that's why Hope is so hard to ascertain or define...because it is a moving target and as such it's hard to define for the general population.

I'm not a proponent of False Hope - but then again, what defines that for me does not apply to someone else...as such, I tread lightly with regards to the subject. I like to espouse the virtues of Hope - but those that have come to know me and how I think, know that I'm firmly grounded in reality.

For some, I may be too grounded:) But as you stated, I believe in a certain acceptance and the coming to terms of what we are facing - regardless of the subject matter.

What Hope looks like for somebody else will never be mine to say - because how Hope lives or dies in each one of us is so unique and unto one's self - Hope is such a fragile eco-system and as such, it takes alot of weeding and gardening to keep the Roots of Hope in bloom.

I really think of HOPE as an emotional response - it's the catalyst that can separate that portion of time where our resolve is waning from the feeling that Hope can keep us grounded and focused towads our goal.

However, as an emotion, Hope in and of itself, will never sustain us in our everyday fights with cancer - or with Life. But, it's that thin veil of reality that can make such a difference in us hanging in vs dropping out.

And that's the value and the ideology that Hope brings for all of us. It's like a fruit that we pick while it is ripe - otherwise, it can wither and die on the vine if left unattended.

Reality will always redefine Hope and what the definition that Hope stands for at that particular juncture of our lives where we either need it - or question it's existence.

Hope is many things to many people - and maybe that's not such a bad thing. For what gets you to the next dawn may be a different definition than what it is for me. And of course, that's okay - we're all different - we're all unique - but we're also all common - and we're also so much the same.

And in the end, whether it's real or imagined - whether it's True or just False...without some feelng of Hope in whatever form that it manifests it from...

"Without Hope - the people will perish."

Thank you so much, Steve, for contributing to this discussion and my thoughts continue to be with you as you will redefine your own meaning of what Hope means for you - and I think to a very large degree - you will redefine the meaning for the community at large.

Take care!

-Craig