Struggling

mariam_11_09

It has been rather difficult to read some of the post on this board, in particular some of the people over the 6 -12 months who have gotten mets and some who have passed away. I have been trying for a few months to stick my head in the sand and believe all is well and hunky with myself, in some way that is true however I seem to have crashed rather hard particularly when I called the Oncologist's nurse to ask what I should do about the intermittent 'light headedness, vertigo to the point I almost fall over, nausea, headaches' and now constant feeling of being in motion. She asked a number of questions and said she was going to run it by the Onc who in turn told me to come in this week for a brain MRI. This was on Friday and I fell into an overwhelming depression and loneliness over the weekend.

The nurse called yesterday to tell me that the MRI is scheduled for Friday. In a way it is a relief, the sooner the better. NOrmally I am pretty calm about these things but I am scared of what the result may be. I know it could be any number of things that have nothing to do with mets and my Onc. is usually very cautious. Usually this is enough to calm me down but it is not right now. I don't want to say anything to my family or friends because I don't want to alarm them over what might be nothing, or even alarm them at all right now which further enhances the sense of alienation and loneliness, probably also contributing to the anxiety and depression I feel right now.

I do ask myself how I can be so worked up over something I don't know anything about nor have any control over. As I mentioned this logic typically serves me well and did through my initial diagnosis and treatment however right now I am soooo afraid. I don't want mets. I know no-one does and people on this board know more about what this means so I am sure you get it, the fear that is.

Sorry for the rambling. I really need to just get this off my chest and am not wanting to share with friend and family at this moment. Thanks for the support.

New Flower

Mariam it is hard
Mariam,
First of all I am very sorry that you have whatever it is. I can understand anxiety and not sure if anything except medication can calm you down. If it is not too late please call to oncology office and ask for prescription. I use Ativan and it has been helping me. Unfortunately lately I had to increase my dose, still it is my best friend at the time of uncertainty.
Please know that we are here for you.
Sending you a big hug,
Olga

MAJW

New Flower said:

Mariam it is hard
Mariam,
First of all I am very sorry that you have whatever it is. I can understand anxiety and not sure if anything except medication can calm you down. If it is not too late please call to oncology office and ask for prescription. I use Ativan and it has been helping me. Unfortunately lately I had to increase my dose, still it is my best friend at the time of uncertainty.
Please know that we are here for you.
Sending you a big hug,
Olga

Hang on....
I understand your fear, as we all do....it's always that nasty fear of the unknown...but with the symptoms you've posted about, better to get the MRI...better safe than sorry...has your family not noticed what you've described?

Remember many things other than mets could be causing this...even inner ear problems...I'm with Olga...if you have something for anxiety take it...I have Zanax..but only take it at night....I was given Ativan several years ago...tried it and hated it...made me feel like a zombie...but we all react differently ...if you don't have anything call your onc on Thursday and ask them to call something in to your pharmacy...

Will be thinking of you and wish you the best possible results....please keep us posted...we care
Hugs, Nancy

CypressCynthia

Your symptoms are scary but
Your symptoms are scary but they can also be associated with many problems other than mets. I had severe vertigo and nausea from guess what: mobic, a simple NSAID. My dad had positional vertigo which caused vertigo. Meuniere's can cause similar symptoms.

Sending big prayers and positive thoughts that this is something benign. But it is so normal to be really scared right now. If you get too scared, call your doc and asked for something to help you relax. (((Big hugs))) Please let us know.

RozHopkins

Mets
Please understand we all feel every ache and pain, strain and anything going on could be mets. You are totally not alone and we all understand this on going fear. These symptoms could be nothing to worry about but you are doing the right thing to be checked out to be on the safe side. Lets get your mind put at rest and then sort the problem out. So good luck.

Today I actually (nearly two years after chemo) went to doctors with various aches and pains, including known tennis elbow and pain in the top of the spine and one swollen aching hand...... Is this age, side effects, Tamoxifen, mets.... My mind was totally put to rest with a very competent doctor. I just felt 20 years older than I should and like, whats going on......... One thing that does concern me is shortness of breath, but the Tam has put so much weight on my tummy area (no where else) that I cant breath when I bend over as restricted. So we may have a look at that as chemo can show up years after completion to have damaged lungs. There is more but I wont bore you. However, feel better now having brought everything to their attention so things can be followed up in the future.

We are only human.

Double Whammy

RozHopkins said:

Mets
Please understand we all feel every ache and pain, strain and anything going on could be mets. You are totally not alone and we all understand this on going fear. These symptoms could be nothing to worry about but you are doing the right thing to be checked out to be on the safe side. Lets get your mind put at rest and then sort the problem out. So good luck.

Today I actually (nearly two years after chemo) went to doctors with various aches and pains, including known tennis elbow and pain in the top of the spine and one swollen aching hand...... Is this age, side effects, Tamoxifen, mets.... My mind was totally put to rest with a very competent doctor. I just felt 20 years older than I should and like, whats going on......... One thing that does concern me is shortness of breath, but the Tam has put so much weight on my tummy area (no where else) that I cant breath when I bend over as restricted. So we may have a look at that as chemo can show up years after completion to have damaged lungs. There is more but I wont bore you. However, feel better now having brought everything to their attention so things can be followed up in the future.

We are only human.

You're perfectly normal emotionally about this
It sounds like you've been having these symptoms for a while and you did the right thing by reporting them and getting things checked out. I don't want you to have mets, either, and I so hope you don't. For now all I can do is send hugs and prayers and be there for the wait with you. I'll anxiously be looking for the results soon.

Hugs,
Suzanne

RE

SUPER DUPER HUGS!!
Mariam of course you are scared how could you not be, so glad you came here to vent! I just had a brain MRI for headaches and the dizzies so I know it is super un~nerving! You could have an inner ear infection that is throwing you off. It could also be the chemo you had, not sure if you know this but some chemo messes with the hairs in your ears makes them move no more which causes vertigo. I had it so bad at one point I had to take PT to help me regain my tolerance for motion.

I will be keeping you in prayer, in the meantime go out do things that bring you joy...a movie, a good book, a favorite restaurant, whatever makes you smile!


Hugs,

RE

mariam_11_09

Thank-you for your responses

Thank-you for your responses and kind words. It is very possible I am overreacting and have just worked myself up into a frenzy. My gut feeling is that something is just not right with my body, but that could mean any number of things and not even mets. It is such a scary path to walk.

I do have a dwindling supply of Ativan which works wonders for me. I have been taking it although I don't like to take it too many days in a row and I definitely want one for Thursday (breast MRI) and Friday (brain MRI).

I don't say much to family and friends or even the doctor about my aches and pains unless it has been going on for a while. And when I do mention it to friends and family they don't take it seriously because 'I look just fine'. The doctor, fortunately does take it seriously.

I just have so many aches and pains right now, the back and hip ache that I thought was gone has just come back with a vengence, I have some stomach problems going on several months and have an appointment with the GI in a couple of weeks and the 'vertigo, nausea, lightheadedness' which has been intermittment for many months now ........ aaaarggh!

I am sorry to be complaining like this because I know so many of you have it significantly worse .... and I feel so sad that you all have to go through this. Life is so bitter sweet.

hugs to you all

laughs_a_lot

mariam_11_09 said:

Thank-you for your responses

Thank-you for your responses and kind words. It is very possible I am overreacting and have just worked myself up into a frenzy. My gut feeling is that something is just not right with my body, but that could mean any number of things and not even mets. It is such a scary path to walk.

I do have a dwindling supply of Ativan which works wonders for me. I have been taking it although I don't like to take it too many days in a row and I definitely want one for Thursday (breast MRI) and Friday (brain MRI).

I don't say much to family and friends or even the doctor about my aches and pains unless it has been going on for a while. And when I do mention it to friends and family they don't take it seriously because 'I look just fine'. The doctor, fortunately does take it seriously.

I just have so many aches and pains right now, the back and hip ache that I thought was gone has just come back with a vengence, I have some stomach problems going on several months and have an appointment with the GI in a couple of weeks and the 'vertigo, nausea, lightheadedness' which has been intermittment for many months now ........ aaaarggh!

I am sorry to be complaining like this because I know so many of you have it significantly worse .... and I feel so sad that you all have to go through this. Life is so bitter sweet.

hugs to you all

don't worry about complaining too much
It is when we come here that we get reassurance that we are not as bonkers as our relatives think we are. I "looked fine" all while having cancer (except for loosing my hair). Looking fine has little correlation with feeling fine when it certain medical problems arrise. Will put you on the prayer list. I refuse to accept your appology about complaineing because you don't need to appoogize.

missrenee

laughs_a_lot said:

don't worry about complaining too much
It is when we come here that we get reassurance that we are not as bonkers as our relatives think we are. I "looked fine" all while having cancer (except for loosing my hair). Looking fine has little correlation with feeling fine when it certain medical problems arrise. Will put you on the prayer list. I refuse to accept your appology about complaineing because you don't need to appoogize.

Mariam--we do understand the fear
I don't think there are many people who don't fear mets after a BC diagnosis--no matter what stage it is. It's human and normal to be afraid. Try not to let the fear take over though. My wish for you is that the MRI comes quickly, goes smoothly and is negative. As many others above have said--this could be many, many things. However, after we receive that dreaded BC diagnosis--it's so easy to go to that dark place and imagine the worst.

My new mantra is "Let go, let GOD." It helps me through the rough spots.

Keep us informed.

Hugs, Renee

Gabe N Abby Mom

Miriam I won't take the time
Miriam I won't take the time to repeat what everyone else has already said. Just know that I'll be thinking of you on Friday.

Hugs,

Linda

sea60

Totally understood
and justified!

It's ALWAYS so difficult when something "new" or "different" pops up. I agree, no one wants mets and I'm praying all will be fine and that this is allergies or a sinus problem. We will be with you in spirit on Friday. Please keep us posted!

Big hugs,

Sylvia