Dating after cancer...

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Wendy Joy
Wendy Joy Member Posts: 51
So I am almost 3 months post chemo and tomorrow is my last radiation treatment (woohhoooo!). I have been on one date with a man that I really like and have not yet told him about my cancer experience. My hair is about 1/2 an inch long and I am still wearing my wig. He didn't seem to notice that I was wearing a wig. I am so paranoid of his reaction to that. I think he is genuinely a very nice person, but it is only human to potentially negative reaction. Any advice on dating after cancer without "wigging" a man out???

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  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
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    Haven't been...
    In yor shoes, since I've been married 43 years the 12 th of this month... I think if you really like this man, honesty is the best policy....then the ball is in his court....if he bolts, better now than later....

    Hugs, Nancy
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
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    Agreed with Nancy
    I completly agree with Nancy. You must tell him the truth ASAP, but find the right time to do so. Good luck and keep us posted please.

    Hugs
  • carrie61
    carrie61 Member Posts: 23
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    Dating
    I struggle with this constantly, even a year out from my last chemo treatment. I'm thankful my hair is back (thicker & more wavy than before)-I've had reconstruction. But the fact remains that my breasts will never be "normal" looking again. I've had about a dozen dates in the last year. One guy bolted when I told him about the mastectomy. A long-time date/friend expressed surprise that "they did something to other breast too" (the plastic surgery done on the remaining breast)

    I guess I need advice too--although I completely agree with the posters who say it's better to know upfront than later.
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
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    Battle Scars
    Dear Wendy Joy,

    Continue to see your new friend. I dated after cancer and with mets though I was NED at the time. The men in my life didn't seem to be phase by it all. No one goes through life without some battle scars.

    When the time is right, tell him. If he told you that he had testicular cancer would that bother you?

    Hoping all will work out for you and if this one is right, some where out there another man is waiting.

    Best,

    Doris
  • sdukowitz
    sdukowitz Member Posts: 250
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    If you are open and honest
    If you are open and honest with him now , he will be honest and open with you too about things and take it from there ..... better now than later ....and you will see for sure without all the worrying thst could build up. Sue D
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
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    sdukowitz said:

    If you are open and honest
    If you are open and honest with him now , he will be honest and open with you too about things and take it from there ..... better now than later ....and you will see for sure without all the worrying thst could build up. Sue D

    Honesty is the best policy
    If you are open and honest about what you've been through--I think it's best. And, I think this will prove what kind of man he really is. Don't be afraid to be up front with him. If he's supportive and encouraging, then he's a keeper. If not--you don't need him at all.

    Best of luck to you. Remember--we all deserve the best. Don't settle for less.

    Hugs, Renee
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
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    Tell Him
    Be upfront and honest, if he is as grand as you think he will respond well if not you need to know now. I have been married for 34 years so I have not dated in forever, but my sister who had a double mastectomy with a less than perfect reconstruction job was upfront with the men in her life and she had many a suitor, cancer and the lack of her original breasts did not run the men off. She was happy, fun loving and choose to thumb her nose at cancer and guys seem to know that she was a catch! Please do not give up on a relationship, there are many men out there who see beyond our boobs and see the amazing strong women we are! I wish you all the best!!!

    RE
  • AngieD
    AngieD Member Posts: 493
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    RE said:

    Tell Him
    Be upfront and honest, if he is as grand as you think he will respond well if not you need to know now. I have been married for 34 years so I have not dated in forever, but my sister who had a double mastectomy with a less than perfect reconstruction job was upfront with the men in her life and she had many a suitor, cancer and the lack of her original breasts did not run the men off. She was happy, fun loving and choose to thumb her nose at cancer and guys seem to know that she was a catch! Please do not give up on a relationship, there are many men out there who see beyond our boobs and see the amazing strong women we are! I wish you all the best!!!

    RE

    Great to hear from you,
    Great to hear from you, Wendy! Remember--we were diagnosed on the same day. I'm glad to hear you're at the end of your treatments. I've been married forever, so can't give any advice from personal experience, but what the other ladies are saying sounds right to me.
    Enjoy being treatment free and moving on.
    Angie
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
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    I dated after original diagnosis.
    It did make a difference with one man. We still talk when we see each other, but it was an issue. I dated others where it didn't matter at all. I didn't tell them immediately, only when I thought it may go somewhere. Since stage iv, I haven't dated or wanted to. Have a bigger fight that takes most of my energy and what is left is spent enjoying time with my family and friends.
  • Wendy Joy
    Wendy Joy Member Posts: 51
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    AngieD said:

    Great to hear from you,
    Great to hear from you, Wendy! Remember--we were diagnosed on the same day. I'm glad to hear you're at the end of your treatments. I've been married forever, so can't give any advice from personal experience, but what the other ladies are saying sounds right to me.
    Enjoy being treatment free and moving on.
    Angie

    Hi Angie
    Hi Angie, I was thinking about you the other day. Hope you are doing well! I am finished with my rads as of last week (yah!!!) and starting Tamoxifin this week. So thankful to be done with treatment and hopeful for no side effects with Tamoxifin.
    I did tell this guy about the cancer and he was great with the news. I want to tell him face to face that I am still wearing a wig, so will do that on Thursday. My hair is growing back at lightening speed, so hoping to toss at the wig in another 3-4 weeks!