Rainy days and cancer always get me down.

Helen321

Hi all, 3 something in the morning. We had a full on thunder storm and the lightning was hitting the park one block from my house so I woke up. Good thing because my teeth were clenched and serious acid reflux. I'm going to go the GI about the reflux. Colonoscopies did a number. I think I'm having it a lot more than I realize. Burning is pretty bad straight up to my mouth this time. GYN onc visit, radiation onc and medical onc next week have me nervous as always. Have been good up to now though. Darn that fear of the unknown. At least when you're not midsomething you get some brain breaks. Tried the just wait and see can't change it approach and cancer said mwahahaha sorry, I'm going to torture you. Thunder that loud certainly didn't help, it even woke up the baby birds, they were all chirping. They're all quiet now that it's stopped. Since my kids, the cat and the dog are now in my bed, I'm in theirs. I guess I'll get up and clean their room. I've been so preoccupied the last few months, I've let the house spiral and my son told his friend yesterday let's go to your house, mine is embarrassing right now and wouldn't let him in. lol Horrible mother award. I was mortified. We used to be the house to be at. I'll have to keep track of regular life and deal with my emotions at the same time. I wonder what else I've been slacking on. Definitely not going to bed anytime soon, might as well start with this room. Normally they clean it but apparently when the mouse is mentally away, the mice do play. Cleaning should help the cancer sucks thoughts pass and thankfully eventually I'll get so tired I'll just have to sleep. Thank you all for all the info lately. I was glad to be in a lull and also glad it's finally time to get more done because I need to do this already. I spend a good portion of my life wishing/praying for people to have clean scans and good days lately but I had some "normal" moments too. The other day I joked about a secret society most people don't know exists. It's one society I'd rather not know about myself. I was talking about the boards although I didn't tell anyone what I meant because they just don't need to know. I wonder if anyone is up on the diabetic/lupus/other random this sucks medical boards this evening=) lol Anyway, hope if anyone is reading this, it's a normal time of the day and you are feeling well. Hugs to all. Helen

herdizziness

Helen
I've always loved a good thunderstorm, since I've lived in California I've quite missed them. In Ohio I would always go outside on the porch and watch the lightening and revel in the sound of the thunder, it always made me feel so alive, and a wild wind whipping about to go with it was so much the better, the wildness, the wonder of it all, breathtaking. Wish there was one now so I could go outside, enjoy the wonder of it and then go to sleep peacefully listening to the rain fall upon the roof lulling me into a quiet peaceful slumber. But alas, the sky is hidden by the ominous fog, and the night is still, no sound of crickets (I've never heard them here) to spirit my mind away in long ago childhood memories, just me here, this night, hoping for sleep once again.
So for different reasons we are awake this night, I think there are many of us, I look forward to a wonderous night of dreams and pleasant thoughts some night as I drift ever so peacefully into deep slumber, I look forward to that night should it appear once again.
And Helen, we've all let our house spiral down a time or two while sloffing through this cancer crap, and eventually had to say, enough is enough and SLOWLY went about straightening out our household again. So do not down yourself for this, it happens, it will happen again, and wouldn't it be nice if our loved ones would pitch in once in a while? I think they too, go through this with us and things get sloughed off even more. Asking for their help, no matter how young or old isn't too much to ask.
They have great pills for acid reflux, I hope your GI finds one that works for you, I know it really sucks having to suffer through that, somehow tums is never enough to deal with it.
Keep heart dear.
Winter Marie

fatbob2010

What ifs??
I hate it too when the mind starts to wander into the land of the "What Ifs." I can get lost in all the things that may or may not happen and no matter how hard I try it ends up being the most awful of prospects that seem to try and stick. For me these spells let only a few minutes but take a while to recover from my personal moments. I find that this board and another help me the most to get out of my moments of personal distress.

I have always found storms are the best time to sleep as well. Here in Texas we have some really violent storms that end up with lightning strikes and large boisterous thunder. The dogs and I tend to sleep right through unlike the rest of the family. Unlike the others I have a regular sleep schedule that I guard jealously and that is, to me, part of it.

Hugs to you Helen...and please cut yourself a break.

sailor_on_a_lee_shore

Thunderstorms - GERD
Helen, after 30 years at sea I still find Mother Nature amazing especially when she throws a tantrum. Although when I retired from the Coast Guard nearly 10 years ago, I swore off heading out into the maelstrom, to assist those in trouble, when others were heading into safe harbor, I still find storms and violent weather mesmerizing. Somehow, as I watch Mother Nature expressing her wrath I find an inner peace and calm because I realize there are things in the universe greater than ourselves.

A short comment about your GERD issues. My GI prescribed a drug called Dexilant for me, after all the usual meds didn't work. I haven't had a problem since I started taking it. Well, no problems until this whole colonrectal cancer thing. But, it sure tamped down the GERD. You might ask your GI about it.

Oh and keep watching and listening to the storms. I think they're good for the soul and the mind. Best and keep up the fight.

Doc_Hawk

lullaby
Hey Helen, I'm with you on the thunder storms. I have PTSD from my days in the military and don't like sudden, loud noises of any sort. If I see the lightening and can brace myself for it, I'm fine with thunder. Otherwise, that sudden boom comes along and the dog has to get into the closet, get out a broom and pry me off the ceiling! We'd get bad storms in Arizona, not so much here in Utah. One of the advantages to being the troll in his parents basement is that when there is thunder, it's pretty muted by the ceilings above me.

I suffer acid reflux also, but Omeprazole does really good at keeping it in check. On the occasions when I do get GERD late at night, a tablespoon of peanut butter and a glass of milk help to soothe it.

Like Winter Marie says, don't worry about the housework going undone, it just so happens that you have a reason. The fatigue from cancer and chemo makes it difficult to keep on top of things. Cooking dinner and then the clean up afterwards is usually enough to do me in for the day, let alone trying to sweep, vacuum, clean bathrooms, dust etc. Just thinking about all of that wears me out!

Love your "secret society", maybe we should come up with a secret handshake.

God Bless and take care of yourself!

Doc/Ray

WhatsA_Mom2Do

Wow Helen, thanks so much
Wow Helen, thanks so much for sharing things which are so personal. I understand from a caretaker perspective only. Virtual hugs being sent your way. Just know that "this too shall pass". I too used to stay up until 3 and 4am pondering the "what ifs" and researching EVERYTHING under the sun about this disease called cancer...I would read CSN and Colon Club boards for HOURS on end. Then eventually, I decided that I was working myself up...sometimes over the smallest of things. If i can offer one piece of advice, it would be to take things one moment at a time...live in the moment!!!

As for the messy house (I can totally relate lol), there is an organization that offers FREE housecleaning to women with cancer. I can't remember if it was only for women with breast cancer or not, but I will check with my friend who is an Oncology social worker...let me tell you, if there is something available for you, she WILL know!

God speed to you in your journey!

Dee

Cathleen Mary

WhatsA_Mom2Do said:

Wow Helen, thanks so much
Wow Helen, thanks so much for sharing things which are so personal. I understand from a caretaker perspective only. Virtual hugs being sent your way. Just know that "this too shall pass". I too used to stay up until 3 and 4am pondering the "what ifs" and researching EVERYTHING under the sun about this disease called cancer...I would read CSN and Colon Club boards for HOURS on end. Then eventually, I decided that I was working myself up...sometimes over the smallest of things. If i can offer one piece of advice, it would be to take things one moment at a time...live in the moment!!!

As for the messy house (I can totally relate lol), there is an organization that offers FREE housecleaning to women with cancer. I can't remember if it was only for women with breast cancer or not, but I will check with my friend who is an Oncology social worker...let me tell you, if there is something available for you, she WILL know!

God speed to you in your journey!

Dee

Helen,
My theory (or,

Helen,

My theory (or, excuse) - A clean house is overrated....people with spotless houses don't have a life or have a housekeeper. If you are well enough to care about what your house looks like, you're doing great! All joking aside, don't be so hard on yourself.

I am all to familiar with the 'thoughts of the night'. Putting on music helps me. Sometimes, reading helps. Keeping a journal has helped me, too. Others have told me, working on a project helps. I'm not a very good project person but I can see that would help some.

This is a long journey....pace yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Hold things as lightly as possible. I know....easier said than done.

Cathleen Mary