I almost made it 1 year

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Well it has been a pretty good last couple of months, I am healing nicely and the botox injections have allowed me to eat with alot less pain. I have been a bit pollyannish about my every 6 week checkups, and despite what I have been told about the odds, I thought I was done with cancer. Tuesday during the scope in my nose look see, the doctor found a n enlarged area at the base of my tongue, same side as my previous tumor. He said that he couldn't really tell what was going on, and it might be an anomoly. So he scheduled me for another P.E.T scan. I am so disappointed, I had myself convinced I was done with all this. Maybe it will turn out to be nothing, but my mind is now spinning and the dread is omnipresent. Does this worry ever go away? How is it possible to just wait and see without the fear being present? I vacillate between, "I'll cross that bridge when I get there" to "oh **** I don't want to go through this anymore". I don't like living in fear, it is an emotion which I haven't ever dwelt in. Thanks for all of your support.

Comments

  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
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    Hang in there...
    It ain't cancer till someone tells you for certain it's cancer. My Stanford Doc STILL describes the area where my base of tongue cancer was, as "a resolved fullness."

    Believe!

    Deb (it's never easy to just believe... ya gotta work at it.)
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,723 Member
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    you will make it
    Hi Jahnsart,

    So sorry to read your post, all of us hope for the best outcome. Let’s pray that it is an “anomaly” and you can continue to heal.

    I am like you, and my head spins with all that has happened. My wife and the people here have help keep me tethered to reality with their kindness and perspective.

    Continue to be strong, bless you.

    Matt
  • NitaNita
    NitaNita Member Posts: 56
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    CivilMatt said:

    you will make it
    Hi Jahnsart,

    So sorry to read your post, all of us hope for the best outcome. Let’s pray that it is an “anomaly” and you can continue to heal.

    I am like you, and my head spins with all that has happened. My wife and the people here have help keep me tethered to reality with their kindness and perspective.

    Continue to be strong, bless you.

    Matt

    I am new to this...
    I am new to all of this but I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry about it until you have to is always easier said then done! I believe it's a work in progress but I am still at the beginning of all of this. I haven't even had surgery yet and I worry about it all the time. I will keep you in my thoughts. It is never easy but must have faith that you are going to be okay.
  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
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    Aargh!
    Sorry you've got this big ball of anxiety to deal with. Hard as I tried,sometimes the "what if"s just ran rampant through my mind. If I knew how to turn the worry off, that's a secret I'd share. Hoping your PET (and results) are soon, and bring you relief.
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
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    No Longer A Virgin...
    Unfortunately, once you have been Dx and gone through what we have, I don't really think the doubt will ever totally go away.

    Ahhh, the life we lead without worry of cancer...before cancer that is.

    JG
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
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    Hi Jahn
    I know the fear of the words reoccurring as I heard it many times in the my past 10 years and been through the treatments only to have it come back again. I found that I could not do it, it was just too much for me to handle, I was weighted down with this burden in my life. It was at that point I realized I needed to just turn it over to someone who could handle it for me and I prayed asking Jesus to take care of it for me. He is still doing miracles even today, we just need to ask him to take the wheel of our life while we sit on the passenger side and ride. Let go of the worry and fear I know it is hard to do, but after you learn to trust Jesus it will become easier as the years go by.

    Praying for you and that the PET will be clean
    Hondo
  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
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    it is truly all about living life
    in the calm spaces between emergencies. This requires a bit of denial, whether we recognize it or not. For those who have had cancer, this fact is just more obvious than it is for those who have not. Best to you.


    Pat
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
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    I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.....
    I don't think many of us gets to totally skip the niggling fear beneath the surface of a reoccurance. But as Deb said, it's not cancer till they say it is cancer. I know that doesn't remove the knot of fear, but it can contain it.

    Good luck on your scan, and sending prayers and massive positive thoughts that it's an anomole, and your Dr. is just one of those thorough souls who lets nothing to chance.

    p
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
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    1 YEAR (almost)
    First and foremost congradulations on the Almost one year anniversary ! I know this doesn't help your uneasiness....but I'm only out 6 months ! Mine is ACC. I intend on having a huge party one year out regardless of diagnosis then. I totally understand what you're feelings are right now, kinda in same position. Have similar dilema...not sure if after such a short time if cancer is back. This site (ACS) is fantastic and a good support system. Surround yourself with positives...do things you love...and don't ever give in to these thoughts of what if ? You aren't alone....we all have this demon voice. Best of luck and tons of good thoughts sent your way ! Katie
  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,034 Member
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    I hear you
    Jahnsart,

    I understand how you feel. Roughly one year after my Base of Tongue surgery and not even one year out of treatments, I got Melanoma on my left cheek. Had to go thru surgery and reconstruction on my face.

    Prior to the cheek surgery, I had to get a chest X-ray and I was told me that I had spot on my lungs. It turned out to be a nodule.

    I was like a squirrel in the middle of a busy road, talk about jumpy...We get thru these things because we are fighters. As it was mentioned above, as hard as it is to do, try to take it easy and deal with it when it is finally stated what it is. Hopefully it is scar tissue/anomoly..

    My Best to You and Everyone Here
  • buzz99
    buzz99 Member Posts: 404
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    Living under a cloud
    It seems like you are never completely free from the fear of the cancer coming back. Try to live as fully as possible in between periods of anxiety. That is what we have been doing for the past year. And it doesn't help for someone, although well-meaning, to say "don't worry it is probably nothing." Karen
  • dsantor
    dsantor Member Posts: 19
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    Sending prayers and positive
    Sending prayers and positive thoughts you way!!
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
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    dsantor said:

    Sending prayers and positive
    Sending prayers and positive thoughts you way!!

    Jahns...
    Prayer for you! I can only imagine what buzz99 is saying...so I won't say don't worry...but if you have been through it....you are already tough.

    I added you to my prayer list!!

    Best,

    Tim
  • malloyproducer
    malloyproducer Member Posts: 6
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    I am new here, too, and
    I am new here, too, and actually it's my 75 year old Mom with the diagnosis, but I am really pulling for you and everyone on this site. Stay positive, that's what we're trying to do, and know that recovery is possible. Am sending lots of positive energy your way!

    Stay strong,
    Kathy