Still angry after almost 3 years

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Comments

  • Momof2plusteentwins
    Momof2plusteentwins Member Posts: 509 Member

    wonderful comments
    I am a lurker, but had to comment on how comforting it is to read the variety of comments.. each comment from a different angle .. a different slant or slightly different expression..varying degrees and sometimes at opposite ends of the spectrum..I am nodding in my head...saying oh yeah.. I have felt that way.. or I feel that way today..guess its the not being alone that is the comfort.. there are others who understand the many different emotions involved.... and have experienced same feelings at some point.. thanks

    Angry
    I am angry at myself. I am a different person since this cancer and I don't like this sad crying unhappy person. I want to live life for now but it is so hard. I am hoping that when I meet with surgeon Friday and have a date for surgery things can get better???? I know I have a long road but I can't imagine always feeling this way.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Doc_Hawk said:

    Help with splits
    I've found that trying to use lotions tends to burn and sting the splits pretty bad. Aquaphor is great for it, but it's pretty greasy. If you decide to try it, you might want to put on some white cotton gloves to prevent sliming anything that you touch.

    Aquaphor is Very Good
    I have tried the gloves too. It weird to have to prep before bed.
    I've done a similar routine with my feet too. White gloves and white socks...what a sight.
    It is strange how I had so much trouble at times then other times I don't. Right now it's mild, the toes are worse.
    Do you have trouble with your toes at all Doc Hawk?
    -phil
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    PhillieG said:

    Aquaphor is Very Good
    I have tried the gloves too. It weird to have to prep before bed.
    I've done a similar routine with my feet too. White gloves and white socks...what a sight.
    It is strange how I had so much trouble at times then other times I don't. Right now it's mild, the toes are worse.
    Do you have trouble with your toes at all Doc Hawk?
    -phil

    feet
    Yeah, Phil. My toes,heels, pretty much the whole bottom of the foot. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely walk and that's with the aid of a walker. It'll literally bring tears to my eyes. Usually it's after I wake up or have had them elevated for a long period of time, to I think it must have something to do with blood circulating back down that causes it. On occasion someone will ask why I'm wearing white gloves and I'll tell them that I have the delusion that I'm a cartoon character. The expressions that draws is pretty funny to watch.
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685

    Good question...
    I do well most of the time -- in some ways better than before the dx. I really understand how blessed I am in so many ways, and I really enjoy many things about life more than before. But I'm only about 3 1/2 months in on this deal so I don't know what I'm going to feel after 3-4-5 years, iif I'm fortunate enough to get there, and beyond. But sometimes I just get pissed. And it's at nothing or no one, just pissed, or maybe more accurate -- kind of frustrated. I do my best to show people around me that I'm doing fine even when I'm not, and I guess it just builds up. The only one that really understands is my wife, and of course she can't fully understand. We're hiding the full dx from my daughter -- she's 7 months pregnant with our first grand child, a grandson, and we just don't want to burden her with the full monte. But my wife and I have a pact -- we won't "edit" ourselves and will say whatever is on our minds -- good, bad or otherwise, and that's helped both of us a lot. I'm sure we're like the rest of you -- just trying to figure this out as we go along. And you fine folks on here have helped me a lot. Thank you, and hugs...Dan.

    Phil and Dan
    Good question, Phil. On the occasions that I feel anger it's at my body for "betraying" me. But then I tell myself that it was my lifestyle (serious addiction to red meat) that probably caused it. And Dan, just like you I usually feel blessed. I was a prime candidate for esophageal cancer and dodged that bullet. With untreated, severe acid reflux it's simply a miracle that cancer didn't start there. when people hear me say that I feel blessed with my cancer, they just can't get it.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Doc_Hawk said:

    feet
    Yeah, Phil. My toes,heels, pretty much the whole bottom of the foot. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely walk and that's with the aid of a walker. It'll literally bring tears to my eyes. Usually it's after I wake up or have had them elevated for a long period of time, to I think it must have something to do with blood circulating back down that causes it. On occasion someone will ask why I'm wearing white gloves and I'll tell them that I have the delusion that I'm a cartoon character. The expressions that draws is pretty funny to watch.

    LOL
    That's funny! Did you ever notice cartoon characters only have 4 fingers? I looked into why that is and it's as simple as "it's easier to draw"...

    That sucks about your feet. I just get theses small growths on my toes that hurt like hell. Sometimes they go away but other times I need to have the nail cut back and the growth cauterized. With the bottom of my feet it's dry, cracked skin that hurts.

    Have you seen a dermatologist?
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear jmaddox
    We can all relate to the anger caused by a cancer diagnosis. It definately changes the world as we knew it and puts our future into question.

    However, don't let anger consume you and rob you of the life that you can have.

    If you find that the anger is taking control of how you live, please seek some help, either from a religious or secular counselor who understands cancer patients.

    Cancer causes us to face our own mortality...even though it was there all the time...it just makes it seem more possible.

    Enjoy the good days with activities with your hubby and daughter, and find other ways to find joy with them on the bad days. Don't let anger and cancer rob you of a minute you might have shared.

    Hugs and I hope you can find peace of mind,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    I know how you feel....
    Not all the time, but sometimes I get so mad/discouraged. My vitality took such a hit and I know I'm not the wife/mother/friend that I used to be.
    But then there are the other times--fortunately---where I forget all about cancer and its never-ending side effects.
    There are more good times than bad, so............
    Fall seven times, get up eight.
    It's worth it.
    Take good care~
    Tommycat
  • golf_gal
    golf_gal Member Posts: 69
    tommycat said:

    I know how you feel....
    Not all the time, but sometimes I get so mad/discouraged. My vitality took such a hit and I know I'm not the wife/mother/friend that I used to be.
    But then there are the other times--fortunately---where I forget all about cancer and its never-ending side effects.
    There are more good times than bad, so............
    Fall seven times, get up eight.
    It's worth it.
    Take good care~
    Tommycat

    get a whiffle ball bat
    I know how worrisome this disease is. My psychologist told me to get a plastic bat and beat a pillow hard! Get out some of that frustration. As others have pointed out long term anger is not a good thing for you. I know, easier said than done. The bat is cheap and it is very therapeutic. Give it a whack. All my best to you.
  • steved
    steved Member Posts: 834
    golf_gal said:

    get a whiffle ball bat
    I know how worrisome this disease is. My psychologist told me to get a plastic bat and beat a pillow hard! Get out some of that frustration. As others have pointed out long term anger is not a good thing for you. I know, easier said than done. The bat is cheap and it is very therapeutic. Give it a whack. All my best to you.

    Angry after 8 years!
    Yeah I get that too. Not all the time but it still comes. As does the feelings of sadness at all I've lost intermingled with all sorts of other feelings- some strong and helpful, many unproductive but just as real. I think I have come to live with the messed up feelings this gives you- they are a byproduct of all this just as the cracked fingers, tiredness and pain is. I think it is wrong in many ways not to expect the feelings to happen. All the textbooks say we go through phases of emotions in adjusting to things like this but for me it is less phasic and more just a long term roller coaster.

    There is lots of good advise above about dealing with it but it may also be a matter of living with it and not fighting it too much and not being too surprised when it happens. I accept people saying long term anger isn't good but it is also part of the reality for many living with this illness and finding a way to live despite it is another valid approach.

    You aren't alone though.

    steve
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    PhillieG said:

    LOL
    That's funny! Did you ever notice cartoon characters only have 4 fingers? I looked into why that is and it's as simple as "it's easier to draw"...

    That sucks about your feet. I just get theses small growths on my toes that hurt like hell. Sometimes they go away but other times I need to have the nail cut back and the growth cauterized. With the bottom of my feet it's dry, cracked skin that hurts.

    Have you seen a dermatologist?

    skin
    Haven't seen a dermatologist about the hands and feet, just racked it up to the poison my body. (Speaking of which, I've wondered what would happen if a mosquito were to suck up some of that stuff)

    Getting back on topic of anger, my fingers are what causes me the most anger. I'll accidentally whack a sore finger on something or (worse) pick up something and then drop it because of a poor grip, or turn the page of a book and leave a smear of blood across the page. Times like that is when it gets real frustrating because of having difficulty managing the simplest of day to day tasks. I love to cook (and am pretty good at it, too) but some days the hands hurt so much that I can barely grasp a knife, let alone use it for serious chopping. There's times when they hurt so bad that using a fork to eat is problematic.
  • jmaddox915
    jmaddox915 Member Posts: 80 Member
    steved said:

    Angry after 8 years!
    Yeah I get that too. Not all the time but it still comes. As does the feelings of sadness at all I've lost intermingled with all sorts of other feelings- some strong and helpful, many unproductive but just as real. I think I have come to live with the messed up feelings this gives you- they are a byproduct of all this just as the cracked fingers, tiredness and pain is. I think it is wrong in many ways not to expect the feelings to happen. All the textbooks say we go through phases of emotions in adjusting to things like this but for me it is less phasic and more just a long term roller coaster.

    There is lots of good advise above about dealing with it but it may also be a matter of living with it and not fighting it too much and not being too surprised when it happens. I accept people saying long term anger isn't good but it is also part of the reality for many living with this illness and finding a way to live despite it is another valid approach.

    You aren't alone though.

    steve

    Thank you all for your
    Thank you all for your insight. I feel better than I did when I posted this. I really appreciate having this outlet.
  • gophergenius
    gophergenius Member Posts: 33
    steved said:

    Angry after 8 years!
    Yeah I get that too. Not all the time but it still comes. As does the feelings of sadness at all I've lost intermingled with all sorts of other feelings- some strong and helpful, many unproductive but just as real. I think I have come to live with the messed up feelings this gives you- they are a byproduct of all this just as the cracked fingers, tiredness and pain is. I think it is wrong in many ways not to expect the feelings to happen. All the textbooks say we go through phases of emotions in adjusting to things like this but for me it is less phasic and more just a long term roller coaster.

    There is lots of good advise above about dealing with it but it may also be a matter of living with it and not fighting it too much and not being too surprised when it happens. I accept people saying long term anger isn't good but it is also part of the reality for many living with this illness and finding a way to live despite it is another valid approach.

    You aren't alone though.

    steve

    I agree...
    Well put Steve. I've never been the same and most people don't understand why I've changed. Cancer has changed me mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. I do not plan to far in advance or anything to long term, but try to enjoy the simple things I like to do on daily basis. Nature calms me and I really enjoy being outdoors so I walk to the grocery store, doctor appointments anything that I am able to do that gives me peace and tranquility. I do find myself questioning "why" and I have to back-off or go crazy. I know people who partied in the 60's, drink like a fish on a daily basis, eat fried fatty foods, smoke, out in the sun for years without sun block and never do any type of regular exercise and are healthy. Again, I have to back myself off this thinking or I go crazy questioning myself and trying to figure out what I did or did not do, what I am supposed to "learn" from this, how to have any quality of life left especially if it recurs and so on.
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
    get even
    Anger.. is a natural response.. it is a part of grieving for what we have lost..
    I know I feel it constantly but I cannot put the energy to it to act upon it..
    I have to stay positive otherwise I will find myself in that deep hole probably not from cancer but from the anger emotion..
    Cancer is ugly not way around that.. it steals everything from us.. it is the slow burn that brings us to our knees.. asking why?.. Well I am done with that.. I know it is far to easy to drown in these questions that I have made the choice to not dwell there..
    I am not saying I don't have my moments... I do.. but I cannot share them with anyone.. I have no one to share them with.. If I did maybe I would find those feelings easier to manage..so I try really hard to ignore them.. but they are always there. Fact is I find I am having a moment right now writing this.. so I am going to stop.. and try to find something positive to think about for a while..
    I hope you find some peace..
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    Zero Choices
    One has to accept one's fate. We have zero other choices, the past has happened. Always blame George Bush! (or if you are GOP blame Clinton!)

    Seriously, life happened, you rose to the occasion, and now life must continue on. One must wake up every morning and decide do I want to be happy, or sad? If you want to be frustrated, OK, I get that emotion. Being angry over the past seems fruitless. We were all given a second chance at how we want to live life. We got the wake up call that life has difficulties and how we handle them is how we will be remembered.

    Decide to be happy tomorrow and see how it goes!
    Best Always, mike
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    It's tough
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time with all this, and it's certainly justified. I do hope you will be able to get past the anger (most of the time)and find the enjoyment that is still there in life. When I'm angry about anything, walking is the best panacea for me!

    I believe it does take a long time to recover emotionally from the shock of a situation like this. Before I had cancer, my husband had a sudden cardiac arrest and was brought back. For literally years, I mentally divided my life into "before" and "after." Any time that fell into the before category was categorized as "I was happy then." I finally pulled out of that rut, and I'm so much happier now.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Antpopoola
    Antpopoola Member Posts: 10
    PhillieG said:

    Cancer *Updated
    It certainly has a way of beating us down at times. I suppose if you can "see" the bigger picture (whatever that might be for you) it could help you accept things. People of all walks of life, races, religions, and cultures get cancer. It certainly doesn't discriminate...

    I hope you feel better and keep going forward. It's the most that you (or anyone else) can do.
    -phil

    *Update:
    Question: At what point does being angry for X number of years become counter productive?
    Yeah, cancer sucks. I miss the old me at times. I'm glad I'm not the dead me though.
    I'm glad I'm not one of many who have it much (much) worse And things can ALWAYS be worse>.
    I've been at this for over 8 years, non-stop. If I were angry the whole time I doubt I'd be here.
    People get cancer. It's (just about) that simple... We happen to be some of those people.
    I glad it was me and not my kids, that I know for certain.

    I'm not saying you have to feel a certain way or that at times I don't get pissed I have cancer.
    I certainly could have done without it but that's not what happened. I have it and that, as they say, is that!
    Being pissed all the time sure as $%&# isn't good for a person.
    Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.

    Look at the bright side
    Yes, it is ok to be angry. But it is also great to be alive! People are dying every day from heart attacks, accidents, etc. and suddenly. We have cancer but we are living. We must try not to let it consume our thoughts and learn to live with it. Each day is a gift from god, it may not be the way we want it to be but as long as their is life there is hope. A positive attitude is the number one cure for cancer (in my opinion). I am new at this was diagnosed with cancer January, 2012. I accepted what I have and from day one made up my mind I will fight and is determine to beat it. Of course there will be bad days, but they passed and good ones comes. Cherish those good days. Get up take a walk, do something fun with your family or friends. Don't let negative thoughts linger, immediately replace them with good thoughts. This will not always be easy but keep trying. You can do it. lots of love and prayers to all my fellow cancer survivors.