Loneliness

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terrineedssomejoy
terrineedssomejoy Member Posts: 15
in Breast Cancer #1
I'm new here today. I have a recurrence after a bilateral mastectomy, six months of chemist and a year of herceptin infusions. A year and a half later I was diagnosed with stage four and metastesis to my spine and pelvis. I ended up getting divorced after my first treatments ended due to no support from my husband. Now that my cancer is back and advanced I feel so lonely. I don't feel it would be right to try to date again. I'm so tired from the chemo I have no energy and have daily pain in my back. Im not much of a catch. Somedays I. feel so lonely. Anyone else feel so totally alone?

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  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #2
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    Welcome
    I know its lousy to be here and its not a cure for the lonliness you have but this is a great site with tons of support,care, and concern from others who can relate to each others feelings because we've been there done that. I've only been on this site a couple months but not new to the cancer board. I was treated for Stage3 Anal cancer a little over a year ago and on the 1yr PET scan that said NED on that, I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. I had a rare slow-growing secretory carcinoma, and in March had a double mastectomy. So, although not a recurrence, a little of a similar feeling. My husband, sick himself with recovering from a bone marrow transplant last December has not been someone I can turn to for support either. I tell most people its because hes sick, but the truth is he is doing pretty well and he was never one to offer support throughout our marriage anyhow, and I have just accepted it for what it is. I was his care-giver for a long time while I was sick but not yet diagnosed, and that was a tough spot to be in. I am often jealous when I read posts from people who have these wonderful supportive husbands and wonder how this journey would be if that was me. Don't ever think you're not much of a catch, you just need the right fisherman! I hope your docs can give you something for your pain, it is so hard to cope when pain takes hold. With the Anal cancer it was almost unbearable for me. I was on oxycontin for quite a while, and the weening off was difficult but I did it, and when I needed it am glad I had a good pain management program. You will be in my thoughts, and I'm sure many more will chime in to welcome you. As always,all in my prayers.
  • rallendorfer
    rallendorfer Member Posts: 244
    #3
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    You are not alone
    I am new to this site also. Do you have someone that maybe you haven't considered is a supporter? I've found that others step up and surround you with concern and sympathy just when you need it. This site is an example in that we are all strangers, and yet we are concerned that you feel low. Can you think of someone who has asked about you or tried to help? I wish we could all be there, to fluff a pillow, or mow the lawn, or make you some blueberry pancakes to lift your spirits a little. If only we could heal you we would. Your life is valuable!
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #4
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    rallendorfer said:

    You are not alone
    I am new to this site also. Do you have someone that maybe you haven't considered is a supporter? I've found that others step up and surround you with concern and sympathy just when you need it. This site is an example in that we are all strangers, and yet we are concerned that you feel low. Can you think of someone who has asked about you or tried to help? I wish we could all be there, to fluff a pillow, or mow the lawn, or make you some blueberry pancakes to lift your spirits a little. If only we could heal you we would. Your life is valuable!

    Please...
    Continue Coming to this board! It's a great source of support.....I promise you that! I've been here for 3 years and more than once it has saved my sanity! No matter how much support we have at home from loved ones and friends,They really don't get it! No one can unless they've walked a mile in our shoes... this board provides first hand experience from women who are newly diagnosed, the middle of treatment, starting treatment, finished treatment, then those of us who, like myself are stage IV... " one size" doesn't fit all here...but you won't find a better group of women to offer their experience, support, care and concern...! I was first diagnosed in April, 2009 with Triple Negative, invasive ductal carcinoma...had a lumpectomy, followed by chemo then 33 radiation treatments...I had clean, clear margins and NO lymph node involvement... I was cancer free for 19 months and it reappeared last June in my lymph nodes...go figure! Had 25 radiation for that....and was on an oral chemo for 7 months...easiest treatment I've endured...even went into a clinical trial, which the second cycle of that put me down for 10 days and it did nothing....then my scans showed 3 small spots on my brain and a tiny spot on my liver....we were in shock! I never gave a thought of the bc going to my brain! So I had 10 radiation treatments for that and experienced the most overwhelming fatigue I've ever experienced....then had a port implanted and am back on chemo every other week....ugh!

    I have a fantastic husband of almost 43 years, we were high school sweethearts...two grown, educated kids and 4 grandchildren who are the light of my life! Our son is a Psychologist....He kept pushing me to join a support group at my cancer center and I finally told him I have THE BEST support group right here on this board...I had to explain the board to him, show it to him and finally he understood....

    So please keep posting....you won't regret it...again, whether you have support at home or not, they can't understand, fully, what we are going through....only those who have walked a mile in our shoes, truly get it....I have good friends who have tried to be supportive, some have disappeared, it happens, and one good friend of just 2 years who had bc 2 years ago and is fine, who has proved to be a real friend...she get's it!

    Wishing you the best...keep posting, we care! And if the opportunity presents itself to date, go for it!!!
    Hugs, Nancy
  • ksf56
    ksf56 Member Posts: 202
    #5
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    Hey!
    You are never alone here! We've all been there to some extent! The loneliness can be pronounced at times. It's amazing how people jump ship just when you need them. Surpisingly, family can be the most disappointing. My husband, though supportive, was dealing with all our situation and not getting outside support himself. He was frazzled, extremely worried and didn't feel he had anyone to turn to since I was pretty busy myself at the time. Where was everyone for both of us? My sister flew across the country to stay with us to help out. She helped tremendously! She had to go back to CA and take care of her daughter following a car accident. I was worried about all of them too. It never ends! I've been done with active treatment(surgery, chemo &rad.) for TNBC-invasive ductal, for 2 months now and feel like I'm finally strting to straighten out the ripples in my life.

    I'm so sorry you are in need of being here because that means you have BC but there's a lot of support and knowledge that's here to be shared. Tap into it as needed and keep reading. You can gain so much from other's questions etc.

    Welcoming you with hugs!
    Karen
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #6
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    ksf56 said:

    Hey!
    You are never alone here! We've all been there to some extent! The loneliness can be pronounced at times. It's amazing how people jump ship just when you need them. Surpisingly, family can be the most disappointing. My husband, though supportive, was dealing with all our situation and not getting outside support himself. He was frazzled, extremely worried and didn't feel he had anyone to turn to since I was pretty busy myself at the time. Where was everyone for both of us? My sister flew across the country to stay with us to help out. She helped tremendously! She had to go back to CA and take care of her daughter following a car accident. I was worried about all of them too. It never ends! I've been done with active treatment(surgery, chemo &rad.) for TNBC-invasive ductal, for 2 months now and feel like I'm finally strting to straighten out the ripples in my life.

    I'm so sorry you are in need of being here because that means you have BC but there's a lot of support and knowledge that's here to be shared. Tap into it as needed and keep reading. You can gain so much from other's questions etc.

    Welcoming you with hugs!
    Karen

    Hi Terri
    So sorry this has happened, but glad you found us. I was just re-diagnosed in January '12 with bone mets in my spine and pelvis. It was a shock and, in some ways, harder to take than my initial diagnosis of Stage 3C IDC back in Nov. '09.

    I am now doing monthly injections of Faslodex and monthly infusions of Zometa. We will be doing another PET scan in a few weeks to determine if this is working. I pray it is.
    I can so empathize with you--I never thought I would have a recurrence this soon--and it's thrown me for a loop.

    Please try to reach out to people around you. You'd be surprised at how many people want to help. Do you have a church group, neighbors, friends, family there? Maybe you're one of those people, like me, who love to help people but hate to ask for help themselves. I finally gave in and accepted all the help I needed-and what a joy for both me and the people helping me. It makes them feel good about themselves to help others.

    Please know we are all here for you, we understand, and you'll be getting a lot of extra prayers from many here.

    Love and hugs, Renee
  • debi.18
    debi.18 Member Posts: 850 Member
    #7
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    Terri
    Just wanted to reiterate, you are not alone. All of us on this board care about you and are here for you - 24 hours a day. This is the best support group around. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better.

    Sending prayers and hugs,
    Debi
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #8
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    Hi Terri,
    Another stage IV
    Hi Terri,

    Another stage IV here...triple neg IBC. My orginal dx was Aug 2010, did chemo bilateral and 44 rads treatments. I had 4 months without treatment when I had the local recurrence in Aug 2011. Additional testing at that time found mets to the lymph nodes between my lungs. I've been on chemo since then, xeloda (which didn't work) and now weekly abraxane (which so far is keeping the cancer stable.

    As you can see, even though we all have different histories with our cancer this is a pretty amazing group. I love that I can come here anytime of day or night (I don't have to wait for a regular meeting) and that I can say anything here. For every one of my posts I have had responses that are helpful, encouraging, and supportive.

    Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #9
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    debi.18 said:

    Terri
    Just wanted to reiterate, you are not alone. All of us on this board care about you and are here for you - 24 hours a day. This is the best support group around. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better.

    Sending prayers and hugs,
    Debi

    Hi Terri what state/city do you live?
    Welcome to the board. I am very sorry that you have had recurrence and now have advanced for of this chronic disease.
    cancer is a very lonely disease, sometime our supporters get tired too. Everybody is very supportive and in shock at the time of initial diagnosis and little by little it has become routine and look as regular conditions for them.
    Yes, we are alway here, please come back and post . You also can share your own experience helping others to cope and go through the treatment.
    What state/city are you in?I am sure somebody from this board lives close to you and will be willing to meet for coffee or have a phone chat.
    Hugs and I'll see you soon
    New Flower
  • terrineedssomejoy
    terrineedssomejoy Member Posts: 15
    #10
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    thanks
    Thank you all. Last night I felt really low but today I feel so much better. I spent the day sewing a gorgeous sun frees for my nephews wedding. It came out beautiful. Just one problem...it's too small. Damnable chemotheraphy... oh well, I went out and bought a dress. I laughed at my luck. Well I guess my niece has a new dress.
  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
    #11
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    terrineedssomejoy said:

    thanks
    Thank you all. Last night I felt really low but today I feel so much better. I spent the day sewing a gorgeous sun frees for my nephews wedding. It came out beautiful. Just one problem...it's too small. Damnable chemotheraphy... oh well, I went out and bought a dress. I laughed at my luck. Well I guess my niece has a new dress.

    Hey if you are close to
    Hey if you are close to Springfield, MO would love to start a friendship other than online.
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #12
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    Gentle Hugs!
    Most certainly not alone, we are here for you and will continue to be here for you! You can live a long while a stage iv so please do not count yourself out! I was dx a stage iv in 98 and I am still here. They come up with more treatments and better treatments with each passing year, keep that hope alive! There are also support groups if you feel up to attending them give the ACS a call and see if there are any near you. Remember we are here for you!!!

    RE
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #13
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    Think I know what you are saying
    I too am single with stage iv. Fortunately, my ex-husband has been a supportive friend, and my boys have been amazing. But is is quite different than having someone to hug or wake up to, or be there in the middle of the night when you wake up kind of scared and are lonesome. I have some good friends who are here for me, but that isn't the same as a special someone.

    Sometimes, it is hard to hear how supportive the husbands are on this board, although I am so happy for those who have that. I also remember being married and feeling lonelier than I have in my life. So now I am just so thankful for my friends (ex included) and all of those who are in my life.

    Glad you are feeling better today though!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #14
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    Hello..so sorry you are
    Hello..so sorry you are going through all this and alone...but we are here for you!


    Denise

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