Diagnosed Nov 2009

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sweetvickid
sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
Here I am 2years 7 months since diagnosed with stage 3 Triple negative ductal cancer, dang can't remember the term, but not in situ. (Still have a little chemo brain!LOL) I went thru 4 rounds of Docetaxel, Capecitabine and bevacizumab. The 4 rounds of AC with bevacizumab. Then a double mastecomy. Then 5 rounds again of the same 2 chemo cocktails. So from Nov of 09 to Jan of 11 I was out of commission. Had a multitude of side effects and at times just wanted to die and get it over with!

Good rule of thumb is that for every month of chemo it will take 2 months to recover completely. So here I am 17 months out from last chemo. Not over the effects yet but I feel so much better! Still find I get fatiqued easily, got lymphedemia, and nueropathy but I am still here.

It is a rough crappy road that we go down. And we go down it alone no matter how much love and support we have from family and friends. To those of you just starting or in the middle of this journey, stay strong! Your kindred spirits on this board understand what you are going thru. We are here to give advice, comfort, empathy and whatever we can to help you.

Comments

  • kit kat
    kit kat Member Posts: 56
    #2
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    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #3
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    kit kat said:

    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.

    You...
    You sound Terribly depressed....that's just my humble opinion....to not want to wake up signals deep depression...have you discussed these feelings with your doctors? If not, I strongly urge you to do so...there are anti depressants that could help you, greatly!

    I am stage IV after being cancer free for 19 months and it showed up again last June....I am fighting to live! I won't give up hope...had brain radiation 9 weeks ago...finally getting my energy back from that...chemo every 2 weeks.... Two weeks ago I was put on Remeron, an anti depressant, mainly because I have lost 23 pounds and it increases one's appetite....I can feel a big difference....my husband and grown kids felt like I was depressed but I didn't think so....well I guess I was wrong! Can you expand on your bc and treatment? Nothing about having bc and the treatments are easy....it all sucks!

    I have to say and I don't want to sound mean but I have a problem with people who commit suicide when there are thousands of us fighting every single day to live! I just heard about Mary Kennedy committing suicide at age 52...makes me so angry! What a horrible legacy to leave her 4 children....so again, please seek help for your depression..be it with medication, therapy, what ever it takes.....your life is worth fighting for!

    Please continue to post here....everyone is ready and willing to help....this board means the world to me...We care...
    Hugs, Nancy
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #4
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    very well stated...
    Denise

    very well stated...

    Denise
  • ksf56
    ksf56 Member Posts: 202
    #5
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    kit kat said:

    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.

    I agree with Nancy - Kit Kat
    Please seek help - I think we all can say we've been depressed from one extreme to the other throughout our journeys. This whole situation really sucks!! I've been on antidepressants for awhile and I'm seeing a cancer therapist and I don't know what I would have done without them. There is hope - please talk to your doc - family, gyne, oncol whoever you can see first and get help. Do this for all of us here who care!

    Hugs to you with prayers!
    Karen
  • Pretty_ In_ Pink
    Pretty_ In_ Pink Member Posts: 3
    #6
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    Just started Chemo today
    Wow, it sounds like you have been through the ringer! I am 43 years old and was diagnosed 3/14/2012 with invasive lobular carcinoma in one breast which spread through my lymph nodes. I had a mastectomy on one side and immediate reconstruction afterwards. I just received my first chemo treatment today with cytoxan and taxotere. I have 6 rounds every 3 weeks to start. I'm frightened waiting for the dreaded side effects to start. I am so fortunate that there is treatment that can at least try to kill the cancer cells, but the whole concept of chemotherapy is so hard for me to grasp. I would love to have your advice. I am trying to figure out the best time to shave my head. I have heard that it takes 10-14 days for the hair to fall out so I'm just trying to time it around a few events coming up. I'm so glad you didn't give up. It sounds like from what you have been through, you are a fighter! Plus there are new cancer patients like me who really need your help to get through this battle. Much love, Nancy
  • butterflylvr
    butterflylvr Member Posts: 944
    #7
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    very well stated...
    Denise

    very well stated...

    Denise

    Kit kat
    Please...please...get professional help, we lose enough pink sisters in this family. All of us here are fighting for our lives, you are in a dark place right now and it really has us concerned. Don't ever feel you are alone, although we don't know each other personally we are connected spiritually by our hearts strings. If life is becoming a challenge please seek counciling. The other girls know what your depression is like and they gave some sound advice... Please for us, your pink family go see a doctor. We understand and we do care <3

    Hugs,,
    Lorrie
  • Pretty_ In_ Pink
    Pretty_ In_ Pink Member Posts: 3
    #8
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    kit kat said:

    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.

    Please don't ever hurt yourself in any way!
    I would like to address some of your concerns. As a newly diagnosed (invasive lobular carcinoma)Breast Cancer Patient, as well as cancer cells in my lymph nodes. I recently had a mastectomy on one breast along with immediate reconstruction. I just started chemotherapy today and can't even imagine the pain and despair you are going through. I'm not only battling Cancer, but I am struggling with the death of my 38 year old brother who committed suicide in Dec 2012. Please don't EVER hurt yourself. I am devastated and so sad. The people you leave behind are hurt, guilt ridden and so depressed. I can't even put into words the pain and sadness I go through everyday missing him. We talked every morning after he got off from work, I'm always still waiting for his calls and have to accept that he can never call me again. You know what Cancer has taught me, take care of yourself and be there for your loved ones, as they are for you. Coworkers who like to gossip about other people are very insecure and miserable and as you may know, misery loves company. Don't give them the satisfaction of beating you down emotionally. I would actually suggest you find your passion and follow it, even if it takes getting another type of job. I love animals, they are my passion and it seems Veterinarians are always looking for front desk receptionists and people to groom and take care of the animals. Animals will always be there for you. I cry almost every day and who do you think is licking my tears? My 9 year old dog who actually was the one who helped me find out that I have cancer. I was taking him for a walk and he saw another dog and yanked the leash so hard that I actually fell down! My breast was in so much pain for at least 2 months, I just assumed it was scar tissue and would heal. I told my brother there was a small lump that felt like a marble surrounded by a fatty substance and he immediately said, "Nancy, you NEED to get that checked out, breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer in women your age!" I was taken aback, he was a Policeman not a Doctor. He is widowed and doesn't have many female friends. The next day he committed suicide from depression, gruesome flashbacks of suicide and murder crime scenes he witnessed as a Police Officer. He just couldn't take the mental torture he was going through...but I am just so sad. That is why you must think of the people and "animals" like my dog. Animal Shelters are so overcrowded...you just might find your very best friend there who will give you unconditional love and happiness :)Keep in touch
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #9
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    Pretty_ In_ Pink said:

    Just started Chemo today
    Wow, it sounds like you have been through the ringer! I am 43 years old and was diagnosed 3/14/2012 with invasive lobular carcinoma in one breast which spread through my lymph nodes. I had a mastectomy on one side and immediate reconstruction afterwards. I just received my first chemo treatment today with cytoxan and taxotere. I have 6 rounds every 3 weeks to start. I'm frightened waiting for the dreaded side effects to start. I am so fortunate that there is treatment that can at least try to kill the cancer cells, but the whole concept of chemotherapy is so hard for me to grasp. I would love to have your advice. I am trying to figure out the best time to shave my head. I have heard that it takes 10-14 days for the hair to fall out so I'm just trying to time it around a few events coming up. I'm so glad you didn't give up. It sounds like from what you have been through, you are a fighter! Plus there are new cancer patients like me who really need your help to get through this battle. Much love, Nancy

    Bump up..
    Bumping this up....very concerned about her...
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #10
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    kit kat said:

    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.

    Please Seek Counseling!
    Dear Kit Kat,

    Please seek counseling on your depression. We all need a little help now and then.

    Perhaps see a doctor about your ongoing pain. It sounds like you have chronic neuropathy and there is help for that sort of thing. I have a prescription for mine which does help.

    If you have a local support group where you can attend could be helpful. I joined one after my treatments were over and it was great to share with other women all the fear, hopes that we all have.

    Wishing you the best with dealing with your many medical issues,

    Doris
  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #11
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    MAJW said:

    Bump up..
    Bumping this up....very concerned about her...

    Praying
    Praying to make sense of His plans.......???????
  • trixytwo
    trixytwo Member Posts: 59
    #12
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    kit kat said:

    Thank u for that.Everynight
    Thank u for that.Everynight I hope i don't wake up, the side effects r unbelievable. I put on my fake face and act like everything is fine. People don't know that under my bed, pillow case, med cabinet. I have so many drugs I could grab a bunch at any time.What am waiting for? I think, well maybe I'll see my sons wedding maybe i Ll be here for grandchilding etc the list goes on.Just yesterday at work somebody said about somebody else Oh her and her fake boobs She didnt mean me but the everyday comments r mind boggling. I think about. take care.

    Kit Kat, you are such a
    Kit Kat, you are such a valued person. Stay strong for your family. Never give up, there may be a cure TOMORROW.

    Hugs,
    Deb
  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
    #13
    Options
    Got an email from a friend
    Got an email from a friend about my posting being hijacked. It really wasn't. This is the reason I posted. Sometimes it is hard to reach out to others. Here we have a safe place (no rejection) where our older kindred spirits can say we understand how you feel. Then we should always give support to our young spirit.

    Always remember to keep as your mantra, "Suicide is not an option. Things will get better if not today then maybe tomorrow." As a sufferer of chronic severe depression saying that over and over again is why I am still here. Nothing stays the same and if you just hold on it will get better.
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #14
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    sweetvickid said:

    Got an email from a friend
    Got an email from a friend about my posting being hijacked. It really wasn't. This is the reason I posted. Sometimes it is hard to reach out to others. Here we have a safe place (no rejection) where our older kindred spirits can say we understand how you feel. Then we should always give support to our young spirit.

    Always remember to keep as your mantra, "Suicide is not an option. Things will get better if not today then maybe tomorrow." As a sufferer of chronic severe depression saying that over and over again is why I am still here. Nothing stays the same and if you just hold on it will get better.

    For Vicki
    You have been through an awful lot with breast cancer. I am glad that you are still here to speak about it. I hope you will live a long life. Chronic pain isn't any fun and I hope that you have a prescription for your neuropathy.

    Depression isn't easy either. I have been fortunate not to have that aspect but, my son is a sufferer. My heart aches so for him at times dealing with it.

    We are indeed alone as we go through a cancer experience. No matter how much family or friends surround us. The people who relate best are those who have been or are going through this journey.

    My very best to you, Vicki,

    Doris

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