new and don't know what to do.....

stacy71

Hello, my name is Stacy and we just found out last month that my husband has stage 2 lung cancer.....he had a biopsy done on 5-9-12 and we are waiting for the results to find out if it is small cell or non small cell... how this all came about was that he was caughing up blood and went to the er, they did an xray of his chest a found a 5cm mass in his left upper lobe(lung)...doc want a CT done and then they also found a 4.5cm mass on his adrenal gland, a small spot on a lymph node.... a PET scan was done last week and they found another spot in the center of his chest.......he's only 46 and we have four children ranging from 5 yrs to 16 yrs......we are unsure how to tell them, an most of all having a difficult time trying to tell his mother who lives in another state and is 75 and lives by herself.... I was thinking about waiting until after we receive the biopsy results to tell her, but dont want to tell her over the phone, and dont want to ruin her mother's day by telling her when we go in to see her......any advise....

z

Stacy
Hello, I'm so sorry you had to find us. I wouldn't say anything until the biopsy is completed, that way your dr should have some type of treatment plan in line for your husband. This way you could let his mom know that he will be starting treatment. You might want to sign up on the Inspire web site also. I go to both this one and that one, as there are many lung cancer survivors there also. I'm sure others will respond to your post. I wish you and your family well, and please keep us posted. Lori

catcon49

z said:

Stacy
Hello, I'm so sorry you had to find us. I wouldn't say anything until the biopsy is completed, that way your dr should have some type of treatment plan in line for your husband. This way you could let his mom know that he will be starting treatment. You might want to sign up on the Inspire web site also. I go to both this one and that one, as there are many lung cancer survivors there also. I'm sure others will respond to your post. I wish you and your family well, and please keep us posted. Lori

Stacey
Hi. I'm very surprised that the doctors staged the tumor before a biopsy. Usually it takes at least a biopsy or surgery, to exam the cells before staging and dx. I personally would wait to tell my family until I had all the infomation available. Having said that, the kids probably know something is wrong just by you and your husband's worrisome behavior. You could always do a lead up to it. By telling his mother and your children that he hasn't been feeling well and what is going on. Maybe she would like to visit. There are alot of people on this site that are cancer survivors, So if that is what it turns out to be there are some treatment options. Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

cathy

Ex_Rock_n_Roller

I fully agree with Z and Cat ...
... regarding waiting until all the data (e.g. biopsy results) are in before telling anybody.

There's no way this isn't going to ruin somebody's day (and more) no matter when you tell them, so if it were me, I'd tell Mom when you next see her.

As for the kids, it sound like they're going to have to be told on whatever level they can appreciate at their age. The older one in my opinion should be in on the whole picture, while the younger should probably get some laundered version more in line with what they can comprehend and handle.

Both of my kids were adults when I was diagnosed, so I pretty much just laid it out there. You really are in the best place to judge, since you know the people involved. If everybody is typically upfront about everything and doesn't sugar-coat the facts as a matter of course, your job will be easier. If that's not how things usually operate (i.e. problems get talked around or softened up), it couuld be tougher, and you're definitely out of my depth.

I come from a "a spade is a doggone shovel" sort of a family, so it was fairly easy to move on to, "So what happens next and how can I help?"

dennycee

Stacy,
If you have not already talked to her please consider contacting her pastor first and having him/her talk to his mom. If she does not go to church, does she have a friend that can break the news?