how long do we have

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njparson
njparson Member Posts: 2
hi i would like to know how much longer do we have. Here is the back story. my aunt was diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer in January 2011 with mets to lymph nodes under right arm, bones, lungs and spline. also she was born with cerebral palsy and epilepsy .she was put on femara and it worked until December when we noticed her cancer antigen level rose and a tumor grew on her eye socket behind her right eye and progression to the liver. she was then changed to faslodex after 3 months it was decided that faslodex was not working because of additional tumors in lungs, on bones and liver and the lymph nodes in abdomen and under left arm. next was chemo (navelbine), we were told that it was the lightest chemo drug for her affected areas and she was not a candidate for a few others because of the cerebral palsy and epilepsy. It hit her so hard her temp and blood pressure dropped she had severe muscle spasms to the point that she couldn't stand on her own she had to be hospitalized for over a week. It was decided that since chemo was for palliative care and wouldn't cure her or drastically extend the time that she was here chemo was no longer an option. she is now on a new estrogen blocker but we know it wont stop the cancer we are hoping it will slow it down hospice was not a option in my book because given her mental abilities she would just give up. but im still praying for a miracle. the doctors wont give us a time frame i know nothing is set in stone but a general idea would help. So does anybody have a general idea on how long we have? sorry for the long synopsis but i wanted you all to have the all the pieces to the puzzle .

Thank you

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  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
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    I don't think that can be answered
    even by the doctor. They can give an idea, but everyone is different and they go by statistics and she is not statistic. I was given 3 - 6 months according to statistics 21 months ago. I am still walking, driving some, enjoying life differently, but still find beauty and mostly laughter in so many things.

    Bottom line I think there is only one who knows when our time is up. I will pray that your Aunt can be with you as long as she has some quality of life even with her other issues. I wont say it doesn't suck and there are days when I want to say no more, but then when I start feeling better, I just want to fight with everything in me. Don't give up on her, miracles do happen!

    Prayers to you and your Aunt,

    Carol
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
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    no telling for sure
    People with lots of Hutzpah can suprise everyone.
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
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    no telling for sure
    People with lots of Hutzpah can suprise everyone.

    No one....
    No one can answer that question! There's only one being that knows when it's our time...

    I am so sorry your aunt has to endure this in addition to her other medical problems....you sound like a loving, caring niece...all I can say is just be there for her....

    Hugs,Nancy
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
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    There is no answer.
    There is NO one who can say that.

    Live each day to it's utmost as if it were the last because it can be for any one of us. Live each day to it's utmost and help her to be able to the same.

    Unless you are her legal Guardian, making decisisons for her is not up to you. You could possible help by asking her or her spouse, children, siblings or parents to be sure to address HER wishes on this journey. Does she have a Will, Advanced Directives in place, are her wishes for what happens after known (burial/creamation, Memorial or Religious services, etc)? Not trying to be mean or nasty but her life and death (as anyone's is) is about her and what she wants - not you or anyone else.

    She's apparently lived through a lot in her life - so I bet she's a lot stronger than you think she is and stronger than you.

    Winyan - The Power Within

    Susan
  • njparson
    njparson Member Posts: 2
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    Rague said:

    There is no answer.
    There is NO one who can say that.

    Live each day to it's utmost as if it were the last because it can be for any one of us. Live each day to it's utmost and help her to be able to the same.

    Unless you are her legal Guardian, making decisisons for her is not up to you. You could possible help by asking her or her spouse, children, siblings or parents to be sure to address HER wishes on this journey. Does she have a Will, Advanced Directives in place, are her wishes for what happens after known (burial/creamation, Memorial or Religious services, etc)? Not trying to be mean or nasty but her life and death (as anyone's is) is about her and what she wants - not you or anyone else.

    She's apparently lived through a lot in her life - so I bet she's a lot stronger than you think she is and stronger than you.

    Winyan - The Power Within

    Susan

    i am her guardian she does
    i am her guardian she does have sisters and brothers and a son but they want nothing to do with her . i ask because she has so many things she wants to do and its up to me to plan them and get them done. i am grateful for every day i get to spend with her. yes she was handed a bad had and she has amazed me every day. i know that nobody can give a exact time or date i was just looking for some type of guideline. she wants to go do so many things and see so many places. now that the chemo is out of her system and she can stand on her own we are doing those things. I just thought if i knew we had around a year we could do a lot of those things when she gets back to 100% or if she had half that time we could do what was most important to her. i don't know if im making any sense. By no means am i counting her out and i know only god can say when her time is up. and thank you for all of your prayers they are much appreciated.
  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
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    Go back to her Dr. and
    Go back to her Dr. and insist on a timeline. Let him know that you realize he can only make an educated guess. Explain to him why you are wanting to know.

    My Uncle was given 3 to 6 months. With that knowledge they made some decisions. Sold their house in the country and bought a house intown. Went and visited their son and grandchildren in Colorado 2 times. That summer Uncle Tommy Doc went fishing every chance he got including that trip to Canada to fish. We had some sort of get together about every other week. That last week he started feeling really bad. He had my Mom and Dad come up and spend the night with him and my Aunt. He pulled my Dad, his brother, aside and said if I make it thru tonite I think you will need to take me up to ther hospital. At 4 months 5 day he passed away in his sleep. I remember Aunt Goldie saying she was so glad the Dr. let them know what the progression of the cancer would be and the time line. All of the family was so happy that those last months were so good for my Uncle.
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
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    MAJW said:

    No one....
    No one can answer that question! There's only one being that knows when it's our time...

    I am so sorry your aunt has to endure this in addition to her other medical problems....you sound like a loving, caring niece...all I can say is just be there for her....

    Hugs,Nancy

    I don't think anyone can
    I don't think anyone can answer this. I am very sorry about your aunt and I will be praying for her.


    Hugs, Jan
  • Fedeyks
    Fedeyks Member Posts: 6
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    njparson said:

    i am her guardian she does
    i am her guardian she does have sisters and brothers and a son but they want nothing to do with her . i ask because she has so many things she wants to do and its up to me to plan them and get them done. i am grateful for every day i get to spend with her. yes she was handed a bad had and she has amazed me every day. i know that nobody can give a exact time or date i was just looking for some type of guideline. she wants to go do so many things and see so many places. now that the chemo is out of her system and she can stand on her own we are doing those things. I just thought if i knew we had around a year we could do a lot of those things when she gets back to 100% or if she had half that time we could do what was most important to her. i don't know if im making any sense. By no means am i counting her out and i know only god can say when her time is up. and thank you for all of your prayers they are much appreciated.

    Most important first
    Im sorry that this is happening to her .... we are never given more than we can't handle ... somehow it's us strong ones that end up in the biggest fight of our life. It sounds like she isn't going to let anything stop her.

    My suggestion is to have her pick her Top 20 ... And work through that list ... Have another Top 20 list for rainy days ... If she always has something g to look forward to, and sometimes you may want to surprise her with what you will be doing ....

    You are going to have so much fun ... Keep the energy high, positive thoughts and future always bright. She may surprise everyone and have 5 or 8 years or longer ... Our body is amazing when we get strength, energy and love!

    Please keep us posted. Have fun and smile all the time!
  • kit kat
    kit kat Member Posts: 56
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    At 49 I was giving 8 years
    At 49 I was giving 8 years if I did "nt do chemo.But from this whole stress from the battle I feel It's going to get me sooner.
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
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    kit kat said:

    At 49 I was giving 8 years
    At 49 I was giving 8 years if I did "nt do chemo.But from this whole stress from the battle I feel It's going to get me sooner.

    Time?
    Your oncologist actually told you how many years he/she expected you to live?

    What exactly did this oncologist base these years on?

    Perplex.

    Best,

    Doris
  • Margeaux
    Margeaux Member Posts: 84
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    kit kat said:

    At 49 I was giving 8 years
    At 49 I was giving 8 years if I did "nt do chemo.But from this whole stress from the battle I feel It's going to get me sooner.

    How much time?
    My oncologist categorically refuses to answer such questions, and I have stopped asking. I did follow the treatment he had worked out for me though, including the dreaded chemo, I was 76 at that time. Couldn't have coped with the stress without tranquilizers. Some of the sisters have been helped with anti-depressants. It is not a sign of weakness to get all the help one can get throughout the tough battle.
    Love and Hugs,
    Margeaux