loosing mother to kidney cancer

danigxo Member Posts: 1

I just joined tonight since I haven't tried this type of network before. My mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer september 2011 at stage 4 cancer. She had a knee replacement surgery done early that summer, so I don't know how, with all the tests they did, they missed this before the surgery. Since there are tumors in her liver and lungs, they had been trying to shrink them so they could perform surgery on her kidney. She did not respond to two of the medications and because he liver functions are poor, they can't put her on anything else, which means they also can't perform the kidney surgery. I know my parents are not telling me everything since they are struggling, but they told me the doctors said it may only be 3 more months, but that she could loose the battle at any moment really. I'm just graduating college and I guess I never thought I would be dealing with loosing my mom at my age. I always thought she would be around for graduation, my wedding (which is in October of next year), grand kids, and so much more. I think about my younger brother who is only going to be a junior in college, and I can't imagine how he's feeling. I also get so sad thinking about my dad and how he's loosing his wife. I've tried talking to family and a therapist, but I guess nothing is really helping right now. Sometimes it's comforting to see others feeling the same so that I know that it's normal to feel this way. I just don't know how to deal with it all, so if anyone has any suggestions on how they are or how they did cope with things, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you


  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    How to cope
    That's a rotten place you're in and everyone reading your message will feel their heart going out to you. The way you're feeling is understandable and entirely appropriate in the circumstances but knowing that maybe doesn't make it any easier to bear.

    In terms of coping, discussing the situation freely among your Family is better than each suffering alone. Seeing a therapist was a good idea and I hope it helped a bit at least.

    For your parents, the worst part will be feeling so powerless while there is no opportunity for medical procedures. The total lack of any sense of control or participation in your Mother's care will be terribly debilitating. May I recommend that they get hold of a book and CD by Gerald White - his MAARS program (Mind-Activated Antigen Recognition System) is an excellent instance of the guided-imagery approach in the area of mind-body medicine. Don't make the mistake of thinking there's anything kooky or fanciful about the approach as this brief article indicates


    The comments on the article that appear below it, from a wide variety of professionals, also further attest to the value of this approach.

    Gerald White can be reached via


    and it would do no harm to mention that you were pointed in this direction from this site.

    The book is a very good read but listening to the CD will undoubtedly help your Mother to relax as much as possible and feel better able to manage whatever fate brings her with the best possible attitude. That alone will justify the small investment involved. I hope some of this helps and please know that many on these threads will be feeling for you and wanting to give you all the support they can.
  • lbinmsp
    lbinmsp Member Posts: 266
    I am so sorry
    that you're having to deal with this situation. I don't think we're ever 'ready' to lose a parent - regardless of their age or ours! I think I'd ask your mother what she wants - does she want to see another doctor? Get another opinion? Or not. She and your father are probably working on these decisions right now. I cannot imagine what they're feeling - their jobs have always been to protect their children and now this THING has come into all of your lives and they're at a loss how to protect you from it.

    There's no advice I could give you - this is such a personal situation. I can only offer a 'cyber-hug' and prayers for her and all of you.