not strong enough

Battscave

Hi everyone.
I am half way through my chemo and as good as that sounds, I just cant face the fact of having to go through it all again. This is seriously taking everything I have, and I have no more to give. I was hospitalized over the weekend. I was in such a bad way that I wouldnt of cared if the walls all fell in on me.
My Dr is going to now decrease my chemo by 25%.. I know that this is not going to be enough. I am one of those people who take medicines but cant take the full dose because of side effects and reactions. It doesnt matter how many times I tell the nurses, Drs that this is how I am, they all think I am exaggerating.
It's been 9 days since my last chemo and I am still so sick.
I hate this.. i hate it I hate it, I HATE it

ksf56

Been there
After my first AC treatment, I was so sick I didn't think I could go thru the rest. It hit me so bad - Yuck!! My dr decreased the meds and things improved somewhat - just treating all the side effects tho. I had sores in my mouth, nausea etc. Between the 2nd and third - right there in the oncology waiting room, I had a flight or fight reaction and ran out of the office. I returned in a few minutes and gutted it out and continued. I can say I am now done with all treatment and I'm recovering pretty well. You can do it! I feel I'm proof! It sucks along the way but fighting this nasty stuff with all you have shows what you've got!

Talk to someone about your fears - I did and it helped tremendously!

Lots of good vibes are sent your way!
Karen

eihtak

You have help
Your post touched me because I was once there too. I just said a prayer for you that God step in and carry you for a while to give you a break. Sometimes it is just so overwhelming and seems just to hard to do and thats when He is there to help. You will make it, I know! It is so frustrating when others don't seem to get how lousy we truely are feeling, it doesn't help when they say "I know", because sometimes they really don't know!! We here do though and we are sending our prayers. Keep in touch as you can, we will be thinking of you. As always,all in my prayers.

tufi000

Same thing happened
After my first dose, I collapsed in the hospital entrance and I got this lovely private room in the corner on my floor for a week. And such great attention! They lowered the dose and I tolerated it well, but when we were all done the onc was disappointed at the lack of a successful response. Ohh well, proceeded on to the rest of the options, and they seemed to have worked.

I believe they are listening, and they believe you, I overreact to meds too. You must trust your docs or change them.

Good luck on the rest of your journey.

Double Whammy

tufi000 said:

Same thing happened
After my first dose, I collapsed in the hospital entrance and I got this lovely private room in the corner on my floor for a week. And such great attention! They lowered the dose and I tolerated it well, but when we were all done the onc was disappointed at the lack of a successful response. Ohh well, proceeded on to the rest of the options, and they seemed to have worked.

I believe they are listening, and they believe you, I overreact to meds too. You must trust your docs or change them.

Good luck on the rest of your journey.

Memories
I had a pretty easy time with my chemo until the last cycle. Your post brings back those memories. Yuck. I hope you can make it through this and I hope you recover soon from this cycle. Will you also have more meds to prevent side effects from now on?

Just sending hugs and prayers your way. We'll be here for you as you continue.

Suzanne

laughs_a_lot

Praying
that you will find some form of relief.

disneyfan2008

sending pixie dust your
sending pixie dust your way..

so sorry you are going through this.

Denise

Pam5

disneyfan2008 said:

sending pixie dust your
sending pixie dust your way..

so sorry you are going through this.

Denise

After three treatments every
After three treatments every 3 weeks of cytoxin and taxotere, my lungs were done. I had continual pneumonia and interstitial pneumonitis - I truly believed I was going to die. I just couldn't breathe or stop coughing. My doc put me on anastrozole for four weeks to give my lungs a break but still inhibit estrogen production, and then put me on abraxane which is generally used for metastatic cancer, which I didn't have. My side effects were nominal except for some neuropathy in my feet, which I certainly was willing to tolerate. My margins were excellent and wide when they did surgery in March. The breast tissue only showed a few 1 or 2 millimeter spots even with a 4 x 3 tumor. Perhaps there are your doc could try an alternative chemo - many of them will research alternatives. Asking is free - try it. In the meantime, know that you are in my prayers.

Hugs,

Pam

Lynn Smith

I know what you mean
I know what you mean about having reactions.I also go through that with my doctors.They tell me it's safe and then I have problems.I can't count how many times I proved them wrong.They insist but you know there could very well be a reaction.

I got bit by a bug 2 days ago.It is very red now.I keep washing it and put some over the counter meds on it.Not completely healed or not IMO a improvement.BUT if I go to the doctor he will say I need a allergy shot.Problem is I read that people on beta blockers shouldn't take allergy shots. I take a beta blocker.

I didn't need chemo or radiation dx was DCIS Stage 0.It was a blessing becsuse I know I would've had problems.Talking to a couple friends who've had it or taking it now say it is horrible.I'm thankful but know in the future possibly the bc MIGHT come back and then I will need chemo and radiation. It scares me.

Wishing you the best.You are going through alot.I know oh so well your situation with reactions.It's scary when you have one.Most of the time my heart races and I am terrified.

Lynn Smith

mwallace1325

Very sorry
So very sorry you're going through this and feeling this way. This does bring back some bad memories. I was fine through my four A/C treatments but right before the 8th of 12 taxols I went in for blood work, sat down and started crying, saying I couldn't finish I was done. Everyone was so shocked because up until then I'd been the poster child for chemo. Done what they said, didn't complain, I was always fine. Well there was nothing fine about the way I was feeling. Eyes watered all the time, nose ran all them time. Black circles around my eyes a raccoon would be proud of. My voice was almost gone, I had trouble eating because I developed heartburn. I was so tired all them time. I was still working to keep insurance and money going and would have had to feel better to die. I cried every morning because it was just too tough. They'd already lowered my taxol dose by 10% and couldn't lower it anymore and I still had 4 doses to go.

I told my MO I wanted to quit - I'd do the 9th but that was all. He said OK that was fine. Then I flipped the crazies on him and said I couldn't quit or I'd die. He gave me a hug told me he totally understood and that I should go home talk with my husband and decide after the next's days treatment what I wanted to do. My husband's face told me I wasn't quitting and I did end up finishing all 12 doses. It took a little over a year, but I finally got back to feeling my new normal.

Chemo does suck, there's no denying that, but it's something that you may find you can get through.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

marge

survivorbc09

Double Whammy said:

Memories
I had a pretty easy time with my chemo until the last cycle. Your post brings back those memories. Yuck. I hope you can make it through this and I hope you recover soon from this cycle. Will you also have more meds to prevent side effects from now on?

Just sending hugs and prayers your way. We'll be here for you as you continue.

Suzanne

I am so sorry that you are
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. I will be praying for you.


Hugs, Jan

salls41

Sorry
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I just finished my last set of chemo two weeks ago and I am still feeling ill from the effects and understand how frustrating it is. I just want to wake up and feel good!. Everyone here says we will make it through and I have to trust that we will. Giving up is not an option! Please talk with your doctor some more about options.. also, are you on any anti depression medications? you might consider that you may need that for this part of your treatment.. depression can intensify your sick feelings too, or at least did for me.
I say a prayer for you and send hugs your way!

carkris

salls41 said:

Sorry
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I just finished my last set of chemo two weeks ago and I am still feeling ill from the effects and understand how frustrating it is. I just want to wake up and feel good!. Everyone here says we will make it through and I have to trust that we will. Giving up is not an option! Please talk with your doctor some more about options.. also, are you on any anti depression medications? you might consider that you may need that for this part of your treatment.. depression can intensify your sick feelings too, or at least did for me.
I say a prayer for you and send hugs your way!

I was very ill from chemo
I was very ill from chemo and still recoveing afte 2 years. I crawled across the finish line, but crawl I did. I am glad I finished although during the time I didnt know how I was going to. it was one day ata time, one hour one second. Huge Hugs

Bella Luna

Hang in there
I hope the responses you've gotten are an encouragement to you. It has not been, in no way, easy for you. It's human nature to tire of a hellish situation. Our body may tire and protest with what it's being put through, but your mind and soul will compel you forward toward the finish line. You can do it, you already are. Hang in there.

Hugs and well wishes to you.

sweetvickid

I understand....there came a
I understand....there came a point for me that I just wanted to die and get it over with. I had to really push myself to say 4 chemo down 4 to go. I am stronger than this and I can do it. It also helped me that my Mom had went thru chemo 8 years earlier and I had someone who really understood what I was going thru. I had 8 rounds before surgery and 10 rounds after.

A friend sent me a card that said. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger and just remember you are one tough and strong lady!" Gave me a smile and many a day I had to pull it out and read it.

birdlady053

you will make it-trust GOD!
I havent even started raditation yet and its been since april25.I wasnt a canitdate for chemo as my lungs are bad with copd and my heart goes out to you.whew! first time in my life that I have long hair to my waist but guess what? when it comes to saving my life,well the hair has to go.stay strong and pray alot.

MsGebby

Have Faith
Please.....

It seems the ladies have everything covered. I did not need chemo, but went through 36 rounds of radiation. Radiation alone tired me out big time.

I am hoping that you and your doctors can figure out how to approach this in a kinder, gentler manner.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Mary

Alexis F

carkris said:

I was very ill from chemo
I was very ill from chemo and still recoveing afte 2 years. I crawled across the finish line, but crawl I did. I am glad I finished although during the time I didnt know how I was going to. it was one day ata time, one hour one second. Huge Hugs

Please hang in there. I
Please hang in there. I know you can find the strength to continue. Let us do what we can inre to supporting you and encouraging you.


Hugs, Lex

GrandmaJ

strong enough
ASK FOR HELP. I went to psychiatrist before chemo because of my anxiety. He put me on Lexapro which helped immensely. Even with that, when they started the chemo, I had a panic attack and they gave me Ativan each time. I did still have some reactions afterwards like fatigue, thrush, and diarrhea, but all were taken care of by my doctors and some meds.

We all hate everything about breast cancer......I hope you find the strength to get through your next treatment.

Judy

VickiSam

GrandmaJ said:

strong enough
ASK FOR HELP. I went to psychiatrist before chemo because of my anxiety. He put me on Lexapro which helped immensely. Even with that, when they started the chemo, I had a panic attack and they gave me Ativan each time. I did still have some reactions afterwards like fatigue, thrush, and diarrhea, but all were taken care of by my doctors and some meds.

We all hate everything about breast cancer......I hope you find the strength to get through your next treatment.

Judy

Funny thing is that I felt the very same way .... during
my chemo therapy -- I ended up in the ER several times, fainted etc ..

My only advice -- is to 'Never give up, or Never give in'. Fight, Fight, Fight

If you have to stay in bed, then stay in bed -- push yourself to walk around the
house, yard, indoor shopping mall -- anything to get you moving. Yes, I know
you are in pain, yes, I know that you don't have the energy -- but, moving helps
your body to heal and re-gain strength.

Hydrate and move --

Gentle hugs, and prayers.

Vicki Sam

mamolady

It's hard when out of 14
It's hard when out of 14 days, you feel ok for 2.
We all have been there. You don't have to be strong. You have prayers
from all of us, your support at home ( please lean on them, they want to
be there for you), and we are always here for support!
We all hate it too and yet, here we are.
You can do this too.
Cindy