fear of the future

latissimus

This is my 1st post. I am 72 yo male. Original papillary tumor excised May 2011 after sudden episode of bleeding with clots. Cytoscopy
next am - tumor seen - surgery 1 wk later. 3 cystoscopies since with (+) urine cytology, last one on3/16/12. Had another
cystoscopy under anesthesia, during which bladder biopsies were taken and imaging of the ureters/kidneys carried out. Cytology results
continue (+) and 1 biopsy (+) for CIS. WHEW!!!!. Scheduled for first BSG installation on 4/20/12. All procedures and recommendations
seem to be per protocols I have found on many sites dealing with bladder cancer. My urologist is very confident that the BCG treatments
will be successful in "curing" the cancer. Having probably done way too many internet searches, I am not as certain. Obviously, bladder
cancer at this stage will require an attitude of "living with cancer" and not being cured until (-) cytologies are consistent. Being a very
physically active person all my adult life, the prospect of having to decrease my exercise level drastically is no go for me. I realize
from reading many posts that most of us experience minimal side effects from BCG and that reassures me; however, as an aside, I know that many who are diagnosed with cancer of any kind has to deal with fear. I sort of knew what was coming when the cytologies are(+)>
But, the emotional aspects can be difficult. Depending upon one"s health status, We should all try to carry on our lives as normally
as possible. I read a quote from some coach the other day which I will try to remember when I need to: COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE
OF FEAR, IT IS THE MASTERY OF FEAR.

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