Hard days

Ginny_B
Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
in Esophageal Cancer #1
Tonight is the first service for mom. I thought the disease, treatment, and hospice care was rough, but this is so much worse. Does anything get easier?

Comments

  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    #2
    Yes it will get easier . . . in time . . . just not yet
    Ginny,

    The next few days will be a blur. Take if moment by moment --- look at pictures share family stories. It is hard and everyone does it differently, give yourself permission to grieve and to be sad. Dad died in June, and between the funeral, the estate, moving my mom and all the residual stuff I really didn't start to feel better until January. I don't know if it was because we had gotten through Christmas, or my mom was settled, or what but I finally began to feel better. I still miss him, haven't been able to delete his cell phone number or erase the last few voice mails I have from him. But yes it does get easier.

    And just last week I got what I believe was a sign from my dad that he was okay and he is watching over us. I was at a museum and gardens with my uncle, my Dad’s brother, and we had just finished lunch and were talking about how much we missed Dad, that he would have loved this place and me saying why I didn’t ever bring him here. When we finished lunch and went back into the shop, on the music system a song started playing as soon as we stepped through the doors. Playing was “La Vie en Rose” my mom and dad’s love song, from the 50’s in its original French – now this isn’t a top ten or even top 100 hit and a song in French. My uncle and I looked at each other, I got tears in my eyes, and I said its okay Dad is with us now it’s a sign from him that he is with us and looking down from heaven. And a sign to me to not feel bad that I didn’t bring him here that I shouldn’t have regrets. Then my uncle said he is with you all the time not just at this moment. It stills gives me goose bumps to think about this.

    Ginny, I know I will always miss my dad and wish he was still here with us, with me, so I could call him and hear his voice and his corny jokes. But I know he is in a much better place and someday I will be able to get a hug from my dad. Does it get easier yes, but I think I will always miss him and am crying as I write this post to you.

    Hugs and love to you,
    Cindy
  • mruble
    mruble Member Posts: 174
    #3
    yes - it's hard
    Oh Ginny, I know this is all so hard. You'll get through the next few days but it takes a while before things get easier -- I'm not sure that much of anything is easier for me yet (it's been 28 days) but I'm functioning. You might find that the days following the services will be the most difficult as everyone gets back to their normal lives, when you feel like your life will never be normal again.

    Lots of prayers for you!
    Mary
  • stephikindred
    stephikindred Member Posts: 140
    #4
    unclaw2002 said:

    Yes it will get easier . . . in time . . . just not yet
    Ginny,

    The next few days will be a blur. Take if moment by moment --- look at pictures share family stories. It is hard and everyone does it differently, give yourself permission to grieve and to be sad. Dad died in June, and between the funeral, the estate, moving my mom and all the residual stuff I really didn't start to feel better until January. I don't know if it was because we had gotten through Christmas, or my mom was settled, or what but I finally began to feel better. I still miss him, haven't been able to delete his cell phone number or erase the last few voice mails I have from him. But yes it does get easier.

    And just last week I got what I believe was a sign from my dad that he was okay and he is watching over us. I was at a museum and gardens with my uncle, my Dad’s brother, and we had just finished lunch and were talking about how much we missed Dad, that he would have loved this place and me saying why I didn’t ever bring him here. When we finished lunch and went back into the shop, on the music system a song started playing as soon as we stepped through the doors. Playing was “La Vie en Rose” my mom and dad’s love song, from the 50’s in its original French – now this isn’t a top ten or even top 100 hit and a song in French. My uncle and I looked at each other, I got tears in my eyes, and I said its okay Dad is with us now it’s a sign from him that he is with us and looking down from heaven. And a sign to me to not feel bad that I didn’t bring him here that I shouldn’t have regrets. Then my uncle said he is with you all the time not just at this moment. It stills gives me goose bumps to think about this.

    Ginny, I know I will always miss my dad and wish he was still here with us, with me, so I could call him and hear his voice and his corny jokes. But I know he is in a much better place and someday I will be able to get a hug from my dad. Does it get easier yes, but I think I will always miss him and am crying as I write this post to you.

    Hugs and love to you,
    Cindy

    Cindy, that was lovely!
    Wow, thanks for sharing that story about your Dad. I got teary-eyed reading it and it really touched me. I am trying to prepare myself for what will inevitably happen as my mom is Stage IV EC. I can't even console Ginny because I will be right in her shoes in the future. But your message makes me feel that no matter what, mom will still be with me too!

    Love,
    Stephanie
  • Bobs1wife
    Bobs1wife Member Posts: 150
    #5
    Ginny
    My heart breaks along with yours. It has just been one month now that I have been without the love of my life, my husband, Bob. I cry as I read your post and know how you feel with the loss and hurting. Surround yourself with those you are most comfortable with, those that loved your mom, and also want to talk about her. Share stories, heartaches and love. Nothing will take away the pain, but it does help to cry and talk. I am surrounded by by husband's wonderful family and I could NOT have made it without them. It just takes some time to not be numb and in shock. There was a beautiful poem I have not been able to find and I have searched extensively about celebrating the life of your loved one. I am trying to celebrate, although it is hard, but I noticed just yesterday I could smile again. Our big Spring Snow tree in the back yard is blooming and when the wind blows the blossoms fall to the ground and looks just like snow falling-in the spring! Bob used to have the granddaughters stand under the tree, shake the branches, and call out, "It's snowing, it's snowing". And they would jump, and giggle, throwing their arms around as if to catch the "snowflakes". I was able to smile yesterday and say "Bob, it's snowing!" and I did smile! Of course, before the tears. But, I plan on more smiles coming my way and pray you, and I will be able to celebrate the memories more each day. A big hug to you, and strength for the services and days that follow. Love to you, Linda
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #6
    Just wanted to send you a {HUG}, Ginny!
    Thinking of you

    Terry
  • ifalk
    ifalk Member Posts: 29
    #7
    TerryV said:

    Just wanted to send you a {HUG}, Ginny!
    Thinking of you

    Terry

    Ginny
    thinking of you in
    Ginny
    thinking of you in this hard time. stay strong, reading your posts you were such a great daughter. prays are with you
    Ida

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