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disneyfan2008
disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
MY oldest daughter now works in local imaging center and I have heard her say to others (NOT ME) I have so many woman cry on my shoulder when they find out BC-I just dont' know what to say.

While I was going through it and even 4 yrs later she never really mentions it or talks about it with me!

Denise

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  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #2
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    thats because she 'doesnt
    thats because she 'doesnt know what to say"
    BTw my kids dont talk about it with me, if i want to talk they will listen but no one ever brings it up. I think they are afraid it will upset me, make me sad. I know they care and prob bringing it up makes them sad too.
  • DebbyB
    DebbyB Member Posts: 86
    #3
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    mine either
    My daughter and my sister don't want to talk about it either. I was diagnosed at the same time as my grandma was starting chemo and radiation for lung cancer. My grandma passed away in Jan and now its even harder.
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #4
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    DebbyB said:

    mine either
    My daughter and my sister don't want to talk about it either. I was diagnosed at the same time as my grandma was starting chemo and radiation for lung cancer. My grandma passed away in Jan and now its even harder.

    They're....
    They're not her Mom! Easier to try and comfort a stranger.....no emotional attachment......
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #5
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    It may be that she blocks it
    It may be that she blocks it from her mind because she loves you so much she can't handle dealing with thinking of you with cancer.

    My husband tends to ignore the fact that I have cancer. When I really busted him on it (years ago), he admitted that he couldn't stand to think about the possibility of losing me. His eyes welled and I felt like dog doo. We have worked that out by communicating our fears, etc.

    Katherine (daughter) thinks I am invulnerable because I tend to be high energy. Now when my energy has waned some, she often has a hard time with it. I tell her that it doesn't mean that I am not ok or enjoy my life less or that I am dying--it just means that, between age and the disease, I may have to do things a little differently.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe you should ask her what is up with her not ever talking with you?
  • AMomNETN
    AMomNETN Member Posts: 242
    #6
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    CypressCynthia said:

    It may be that she blocks it
    It may be that she blocks it from her mind because she loves you so much she can't handle dealing with thinking of you with cancer.

    My husband tends to ignore the fact that I have cancer. When I really busted him on it (years ago), he admitted that he couldn't stand to think about the possibility of losing me. His eyes welled and I felt like dog doo. We have worked that out by communicating our fears, etc.

    Katherine (daughter) thinks I am invulnerable because I tend to be high energy. Now when my energy has waned some, she often has a hard time with it. I tell her that it doesn't mean that I am not ok or enjoy my life less or that I am dying--it just means that, between age and the disease, I may have to do things a little differently.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe you should ask her what is up with her not ever talking with you?

    I Agree
    I think the others are right. It is much easier to deal with a total stranger. She probably will not see them again. She sees you and it is hard for her to deal with the fact you are vulernable and mortal. I know my kids don't want to deal with the fact I will one day die. Don't know how but I will. I hope they remember the good and forget the bad.
    Don't plan on dying anytime soon.

    Janie
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #7
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    I had breast cancer in 2003
    I had breast cancer in 2003 and my 2 boys haven't talked about it yet. In some ways I think it's because we would be discussing a part of the body that is private. We are close and talk about everything else but not my cancer. I won't bring it up unless they start asking questions and then I'll answer their questions. I'm not holding my breath.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #8
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    MAJW said:

    They're....
    They're not her Mom! Easier to try and comfort a stranger.....no emotional attachment......

    Very good point!!!

    Very good point!!!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #9
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    CypressCynthia said:

    It may be that she blocks it
    It may be that she blocks it from her mind because she loves you so much she can't handle dealing with thinking of you with cancer.

    My husband tends to ignore the fact that I have cancer. When I really busted him on it (years ago), he admitted that he couldn't stand to think about the possibility of losing me. His eyes welled and I felt like dog doo. We have worked that out by communicating our fears, etc.

    Katherine (daughter) thinks I am invulnerable because I tend to be high energy. Now when my energy has waned some, she often has a hard time with it. I tell her that it doesn't mean that I am not ok or enjoy my life less or that I am dying--it just means that, between age and the disease, I may have to do things a little differently.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe you should ask her what is up with her not ever talking with you?

    She is not a mushy, gushy
    She is not a mushy, gushy person..hard shell...even when I had my hysterectomy almost year aog...she said "DON"T try to be super mom"...

    NOT LIKE mom take it easy etc...
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
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    Marcia527 said:

    I had breast cancer in 2003
    I had breast cancer in 2003 and my 2 boys haven't talked about it yet. In some ways I think it's because we would be discussing a part of the body that is private. We are close and talk about everything else but not my cancer. I won't bring it up unless they start asking questions and then I'll answer their questions. I'm not holding my breath.

    My niece after about 3+ yrs
    My niece after about 3+ yrs (she is now 17) asked me DID YOU have Breast Cancer? she was about 14 at the time-I said yes...why? She said well NO ONE IN family really talked about it so I wasn't sure..
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #11
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    carkris said:

    thats because she 'doesnt
    thats because she 'doesnt know what to say"
    BTw my kids dont talk about it with me, if i want to talk they will listen but no one ever brings it up. I think they are afraid it will upset me, make me sad. I know they care and prob bringing it up makes them sad too.

    Even if i say:
    " Next week
    Even if i say:

    " Next week if ONE year since I finished radiation" or today is 4 yrs since surgery-family just says OH!

    to me a big deal to avg person NOT...but that's ok..i can say it here and you all GET IT!

    Denise

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