Worried

Pattyn

I am almost six weeks out from my second surgery. The first was easy.....ovaries and tubes. The second, three weeks later was to take all the rest and to stage me. I was dx stage 1 but am so scared that this evil cancer will be back. I read these posts daily and I pray for all my teal sisters. I live in fear that another tumor will come back......how do I let it go? I am soooooo selfish to ask you all this yet I can't think of braver women to ask. God bless you all.
Patty N

clamryn

Stage 1
Patty, I know you are worried. You have a right. But let me tell you that I was dx in 1991 at stage 1c. I went for 17 years before it came back. They have learned so much more since my dx. You can do this. We are here for you.


((((hugs))))

mopar

WORRYING IS NORMAL
It's normal to be worried, Patty. But you've already received words of hope, let me add mine. I was stage 1C in 2000. I did have a recurrance in 2006, but have been fine ever since. I do believe the recurrance was more likely for me because of the 'C', which meant that the tumor had ruptured. Consequently, cancer cells were probably present in my abdominal cavity that were undetectible at the time. Although we don't have a crystal ball and can't say for sure, You, have not had a rupture of the tumor/ovary, and therefore have an even better outlook. Will you be having any chemo at all?

You are not selfish. We are all warriors here, and helping one another is what we do, even if that means asking for help ourselves. Stay strong and enjoy each day!

(((HUGS))) & Prayers,
Monika

Tethys41

Options
Patty,
It's normal to be concerned that it will come back, especially at this point. I've been working with a naturopath through out this journey, and my experience tells me there are many things you can do to prevent a recurrance. And they keep you mind busy so you can't worry about it. If you are interested, there is a discussion on the Inspire board about working with naturopaths. It's full of amazing stories and information. You'll have to join to see this thread.
Good luck,

http://www.inspire.com/groups/ovarian-cancer-national-alliance/discussion/two-years-ned-2/

AnneBehymer

SHUT UP!!!!!!! just kidding
You should never feel selfish you are going through as much as we are in fear. fear is just fear no matter if you are stage one or four we all get scared you are looking at death for the first time. We now for the first time in our live are faced with the fact that we could die. I am not sure if we can just let go of it. This site has brought me so much hope and support I was for the first two weeks or so crying all the time I was told I was stage four and all I could think about was I going to die. The ladies on this site helpped me soooo much I still get frighten but I know I am not alone in this and you wont be either. This is a club on one wants to be a part of but if we have to be hear make the best of it.

Love, Hugs, and Prayers

carolenk

Tethys41 said:

Options
Patty,
It's normal to be concerned that it will come back, especially at this point. I've been working with a naturopath through out this journey, and my experience tells me there are many things you can do to prevent a recurrance. And they keep you mind busy so you can't worry about it. If you are interested, there is a discussion on the Inspire board about working with naturopaths. It's full of amazing stories and information. You'll have to join to see this thread.
Good luck,

http://www.inspire.com/groups/ovarian-cancer-national-alliance/discussion/two-years-ned-2/

Sure, it's normal to worry
Sure, it's normal to worry about recurrence; however, if you cannot get your mind under control, you might want to think about getting outside help. Some people find comfort from their spiritual path. Other people turn to counselors. And some folks need prescription medication.

Everyone is different. You'll figure out what you need. If you think you can't control your worry, well, then you can't. However, it has now been scientifically proven that underneath every emotion is a thought. Change the thought & you change the feeling. The Buddhists figured this out centuries ago. You gotta find a new thought before you can stop worrying.

Maybe you could start telling yourself that if the cancer comes back, you'll kick cancer's butt with chemo & be in remission. I was terrified of chemo to the point where I had to be hospitalized and SEDATED for the first treatment. Later, I thanked the oncologist for helping me get past myself. Now chemo is just something that is part of my usual routine.

I think making dietary changes is a really good idea. Change the environment in your body from one that supports cancer to one that supports health. You will feel empowered when you do something rather than feel helpless. Tethys has a lot of good ideas & Dr. David Servan-Schreiber's book (Anti-cancer: A New Way of Life) is based on research. You can find his lectures on YouTube.

Best wishes to you. You have more control over your life than you know.

lovesanimals

AnneBehymer said:

SHUT UP!!!!!!! just kidding
You should never feel selfish you are going through as much as we are in fear. fear is just fear no matter if you are stage one or four we all get scared you are looking at death for the first time. We now for the first time in our live are faced with the fact that we could die. I am not sure if we can just let go of it. This site has brought me so much hope and support I was for the first two weeks or so crying all the time I was told I was stage four and all I could think about was I going to die. The ladies on this site helpped me soooo much I still get frighten but I know I am not alone in this and you wont be either. This is a club on one wants to be a part of but if we have to be hear make the best of it.

Love, Hugs, and Prayers

Patty
You are definitely not being selfish and we truly understand your fears and worries. This may sound weird but a reoccurance is not the end of the world. As a stage 2b survivor, I've been NED (no evidence of desease) for almost one year (and counting). I try to focus on the good things each day, but I know that if I get a reoccurance, then I'm going to march myself back to the cancer infusion center and start the chemo to beat cancer's butt. You may never ever get a reoccurance but if you do, please know that the women on this board have proven that a reoccurance doesn't mean that you can't still live a meaningful and fullfilling life.
Please keep us posted on your progress.

Kelly

LaundryQueen

lovesanimals said:

Patty
You are definitely not being selfish and we truly understand your fears and worries. This may sound weird but a reoccurance is not the end of the world. As a stage 2b survivor, I've been NED (no evidence of desease) for almost one year (and counting). I try to focus on the good things each day, but I know that if I get a reoccurance, then I'm going to march myself back to the cancer infusion center and start the chemo to beat cancer's butt. You may never ever get a reoccurance but if you do, please know that the women on this board have proven that a reoccurance doesn't mean that you can't still live a meaningful and fullfilling life.
Please keep us posted on your progress.

Kelly

Fear of recurrence
I'm glad you came here to share your concerns. It seems like no one can understand like someone who has been there. Family and friends can't even imagine what it's like to be a survivor unless they have also walked that road.

A lot of people think there are only two options with cancer: you kill it or it kills you. As you can see from the survivors on here, it is also possible to live with cancer.

We've all been where you are now. I'm sure you will get past this phase; hopefully sooner than later. It just sucks to live in fear.

Pattyn

LaundryQueen said:

Fear of recurrence
I'm glad you came here to share your concerns. It seems like no one can understand like someone who has been there. Family and friends can't even imagine what it's like to be a survivor unless they have also walked that road.

A lot of people think there are only two options with cancer: you kill it or it kills you. As you can see from the survivors on here, it is also possible to live with cancer.

We've all been where you are now. I'm sure you will get past this phase; hopefully sooner than later. It just sucks to live in fear.

Thanks
You are all so right and so brave. I went out for one of the first times tonight and all I got was ..you look so good.....or...wow, I can't believe you appear to be so well....I wanted to say, "thanks but I am not friggin' dead!"
I hate the scared looks and the pity looks. I guess people don't know how to respond. Thank God for this site and my teal sisters.

Next question, if I were to get a re-occurrence where would it most likely be? They took everything female out of me. Would it be liver, or kidney etc?

Pattyn

LaundryQueen said:

Fear of recurrence
I'm glad you came here to share your concerns. It seems like no one can understand like someone who has been there. Family and friends can't even imagine what it's like to be a survivor unless they have also walked that road.

A lot of people think there are only two options with cancer: you kill it or it kills you. As you can see from the survivors on here, it is also possible to live with cancer.

We've all been where you are now. I'm sure you will get past this phase; hopefully sooner than later. It just sucks to live in fear.

Thanks
You are all so right and so brave. I went out for one of the first times tonight and all I got was ..you look so good.....or...wow, I can't believe you appear to be so well....I wanted to say, "thanks but I am not friggin' dead!"
I hate the scared looks and the pity looks. I guess people don't know how to respond. Thank God for this site and my teal sisters.

Next question, if I were to get a re-occurrence where would it most likely be? They took everything female out of me. Would it be liver, or kidney etc?

LaundryQueen

Pattyn said:

Thanks
You are all so right and so brave. I went out for one of the first times tonight and all I got was ..you look so good.....or...wow, I can't believe you appear to be so well....I wanted to say, "thanks but I am not friggin' dead!"
I hate the scared looks and the pity looks. I guess people don't know how to respond. Thank God for this site and my teal sisters.

Next question, if I were to get a re-occurrence where would it most likely be? They took everything female out of me. Would it be liver, or kidney etc?

Site of recurrence
Ovarian cancer can just shows up somewhere in the belly. It likes to hang out on the intestines. Sometimes, it's in a lymph node. Mine is in the liver. I don't think it gets into the kidneys. Sometimes, it's in the lungs. So, some people have trouble breathing from fluid around the lungs. Other people notice intestinal symptoms or bloating.

The de-bulking surgery can leave you with adhesions & you might feel pains that scare you but it's just scar tissue.

I used to weigh myself every day to see if I had a rapid weight gain which would mean I had ascites again. My recurrence came without ascites.

Cafewoman53

I just try to enjoy life !
I try to keep busy with my family mostly they help me so much. Life is never dull with four grandaughters,three who are teenagers!
I also realize for me it is not a question of if it will come back it is just hoping that I can get a break from chemo. But you have a good chance for a long remission but your fear is still the same, I think it will get easier as time goes on for you. No amount of worring can change your future try to replace worry with vigilance and just enjoy every day that you can.
Colleen