Caregiver Resentment

Couchie

My longtime partner is nearing the end of their three year treatment for leukemia. I feel extremely lucky that their prognosis looks positive and they have been in remission for over a year. At the same time, now that they are out of the woods so to speak, we find ourselves dealing with feelings of resentment towards each other. I'm sure we're not the only ones either.

I realize this is not their fault, but I do have resentment towards my partner for the emotional burden they've put on me. I resent that I've had to change all of my plans to work around this illness they've had for the last three years. I resent that my partner often is not able to give me any support because they have too much on their own plate.

My partner resents me because they feel as if I'm not doing enough for them. They feel unwanted when I tell them I could use a break. And they resent the fact that I have a job and a life and they can't right now.

On top of it all, my partner's family resents me because they feel as if I'm not doing enough for my partner. And I resent them for criticizing me heavily for how I've handled the situation while they sit on the sideline safely removed from the daily burden of being a caregiver and do nothing to help. At times it seems as if they've gone out of the way to make things more difficult out of resentment that their child chose me and not them to be their caregiver.

It's not as bad as it sounds. Me and my partner have discussed it all and we're working on dealing with these feelings of resentment. But I'm curious what your experiences are with "caregivers resentment" and how you've managed or how you've been unable to manage it.