Depressed

Muschi

Even though all my friends tell me I look very healthy and strong, why I am sooooo depressed?
When I am by myself at home I am depressed, thinking the cancer is ketching up with me, even though my Dr. is very satisfied with my blood work and the cancermarker, (very low). When I am busy shopping or being with people I am ok, almost "normal" so soonest I am home I am depressed again. Anybody having the same feelings?
Ilona

laughs_a_lot

Some of the worry
is natural. The good news is that cancer is no longer an automatic death sentence. You may well have been ingrained with the idea that cancer was hopeless. That kind of thinking can haunt you. Is there any history of depression in your family. If so you may have to be more cautious regarding going in for help with this.

MAJW

laughs_a_lot said:

Some of the worry
is natural. The good news is that cancer is no longer an automatic death sentence. You may well have been ingrained with the idea that cancer was hopeless. That kind of thinking can haunt you. Is there any history of depression in your family. If so you may have to be more cautious regarding going in for help with this.

Short...
Short and sweet reply....WE GET IT! I'm sort of the opposite....I feel better at home....I look at it as my cocoon, here...safe...although I have to be careful not to become isolated....I take a Zanax at bedtime....so if you feel up to it, get out and stay busy! I've turned lazy...lol. Depression is such a big part of this disease....take something if you need it....I've never taken anything before, but now....bring it on!
Take good care....
Hugs, Nancy

camul

Ilona
For me, the more time that I spend alone, the more my mind wonders. I agree with the others, when I am busy, I tend to forget sometimes (other than the pain and limitations) that I am sick. So I have integrated some fun things back into my life, especially now when it tends to be cold and snowy. I do not have the best balance to be out walking when the sidewalks are icy, so I signed up for a ceramics class once a week for 10 weeks. It is almost over, but so is the winter.

After going through this now for over a year, I have had to say no so many times to doing things with friends because I was pretty sick from the chemo, and now I don't get invited as often. I do understand that there comes a time when you get tired of asking, so I have found things to do that I enjoy that I can do when I feel good, but put down when I am not up to going out. Such as needlepoint, movies, books, etc.

Be sure and let your doctor know, because they will evaluate you and give you the option of medication, and that is not a bad thing. Anything that works!

I wish you the best.
Carol

Noel

laughs_a_lot said:

Some of the worry
is natural. The good news is that cancer is no longer an automatic death sentence. You may well have been ingrained with the idea that cancer was hopeless. That kind of thinking can haunt you. Is there any history of depression in your family. If so you may have to be more cautious regarding going in for help with this.

I think it would be odd if
I think it would be odd if we didn't get depressed at some time or another. Look at what we have to go through. The main thing is to not stay depressed and if you find you are, please let your doctor know. Hoping that you feel better soon!


Hugs,

Noel

disneyfan2008

sorry going through this...I
sorry going through this...I have house full at home..daughters, grandsons,hubby so 4 yrs ago REALLY DIDN'T HAVE DOWN time. Have you tried a journal? I did two..seemed goofy to me at the start but helpful in hind sight...

Denise

Ballerina

You are not alone
You are not a lone. I was depressed all the time busy or not, I cried all the time. I was embarrassed about taking anti depressants but with the encourageing words from my pink sisters, I went to my doctor and explained what I was going through. She put me on zoloft but it did'nt work now I am on lexapro. It definitely helps, I don't cry all the time and I don't get depressed so much.
Staying active and busy definitely helps along with being on this site. Many hugs.

Ballerina

Muschi

Thank You
Thank you all so very much. Today I will see my Onc and will tell him how I feel. Every morning when I get up I feel sick in my stomach, the same when I was pregnant, I know I am not because I turned 66 last January, but that feeling is kind of new and also my head seems not ok. I thought I will get stronger but just the oposit is happening to me, weired. I hope the blood test will be ok, worry, worry and more worry.
One more question! How do I send a privat reply to someone? I am still farly new hear,haha.
You all have a nice day and thanks again
Ilona

pinkkari09

Oh dear sweet cyber
Oh dear sweet cyber friend....so much good has been already said, I just wanted to pipe in and say, I get it. And as already stated, I think it wouldn't be normal if we didn't get depressed. Thank God we have this site to cheer us up or just give us a place to vent. Praying that depression leaves you soon and you get on with your life. Big cyber hugs, and miles of love,
Kari

SIROD

Muschi said:

Thank You
Thank you all so very much. Today I will see my Onc and will tell him how I feel. Every morning when I get up I feel sick in my stomach, the same when I was pregnant, I know I am not because I turned 66 last January, but that feeling is kind of new and also my head seems not ok. I thought I will get stronger but just the oposit is happening to me, weired. I hope the blood test will be ok, worry, worry and more worry.
One more question! How do I send a privat reply to someone? I am still farly new hear,haha.
You all have a nice day and thanks again
Ilona

A Little Help...
Hi llona,

I hope your oncologist gave you a prescription for a little something to help you out. No need to suffer in silence.

Best way is to keep busy, not think about it. I live for today, I no longer worry about tomorrow. Can't do anything about what is to come, so try hard not to go there.

Doris

beaglemom4

Depressed
Dear Ilona, I was diagnosed in December and fortunately the lump was small, I had a lumpectomy and now I'm facing radiation and endocrine therapy. I've been lucky because it was caught early, but I've felt some of the same feelings you describe. I am a spiritual person and believe in the power of positive thinking. I know that anxiety, worry, and fear are not going to help me heal...but they can compromise my immune system, so I force myself to not even go there when I feel those negative vibes creeping in. Take heart in the good news that your doc is giving you and embrace every day you are cancer free!


Janice

lynn1950

Depression...
Like you, Ilona, I am mostly OK when I am busy...as you say, almost "normal."

I have been struggling with depression and I want to blame it on the Arimidex so that in 18 months, when the five years are up, these dreadful feelings will go away. In the meantime, I'm on antidepressants that help somewhat. Anyone else feel that Arimidex may have something to do with depression?

Ilona, I hope you find peace and relief - I know it does not feel good. xoxoxoxo Lynn

mom62

Yes
Hi,

I'm the same way. When I am out and about I think I show a more positive and bubbly self. When I am home alone (kids off to school)I constantly cry or sleep a lot. I am clinicly depressed and on meds. I always say I'm OK even if I'm not. I never want to bring anyone down with me. I have one close friend who understands all this, thank goodness for her. Going to see her this weekend.

Terry

laughs_a_lot

Muschi said:

Thank You
Thank you all so very much. Today I will see my Onc and will tell him how I feel. Every morning when I get up I feel sick in my stomach, the same when I was pregnant, I know I am not because I turned 66 last January, but that feeling is kind of new and also my head seems not ok. I thought I will get stronger but just the oposit is happening to me, weired. I hope the blood test will be ok, worry, worry and more worry.
One more question! How do I send a privat reply to someone? I am still farly new hear,haha.
You all have a nice day and thanks again
Ilona

private reply
I think you would have to go through your email to do this. If the person you want to reply to is not on your friends list but has responded to this post, copy the name down for them exactly as it is, using lower or upper case letters just like they did. Go to the part of your home page that says connect and click on it. Then go down to write a new message and click on it. Once you put thier address in the address bar then you can go below and type in a message just like you do when you post. Then hit send and it will be a private message. If I am oversimplifying this for you please excuse me as I have no idea how computer literate you are. Hope this helps.

Muschi

Muschi said:

Thank You
Thank you all so very much. Today I will see my Onc and will tell him how I feel. Every morning when I get up I feel sick in my stomach, the same when I was pregnant, I know I am not because I turned 66 last January, but that feeling is kind of new and also my head seems not ok. I thought I will get stronger but just the oposit is happening to me, weired. I hope the blood test will be ok, worry, worry and more worry.
One more question! How do I send a privat reply to someone? I am still farly new hear,haha.
You all have a nice day and thanks again
Ilona

did see my onco
yesterday I did see my onco and the bloodwork still looked ok. He was satisfied but He also understood my feelings and he said anytime if I think I need something for my feelings He will subscribe med for me, but he also gave me good pointers how to help this situation. I will try this first and if it don't help I will take something for the depression. I was always a person who didn't like taking too many pills and I will do without as long as I can. Knowing that many of my pink sisters are going through the same feelings helps me to see that this is not unknown or something new. Thank you again for all your loving input.
One mre question! Do I have the person (I want to write a privat message) on my friendslist first in order to do so? I really feel stupid that I can't get it! Sorry!!!!!!
Ilona

jgpaulson

depressed
Hi Ilona, my fellow dear sufferer:

I will go in a week to have a biopsy to see if I have breast cancer for the second time.
The interesting thing is I am so busy because I still teach, but no matter how busy I keep myself - those depressing thoughts keep entering my mind. I really don't want to bother my friends with all this medical talk - I think they are tired from hearng it for so long (3 years). I am really fearful because I don't know what they will do to me medically because it is the 2nd time around.

I keep on reading about mortality rates - it scares me.

I wish we could put our arms around each other and give each other a big hug.

Do you mind it I ask you what kind of cancer you have?

Write to me.

Jeanne

jgpaulson

Ballerina said:

You are not alone
You are not a lone. I was depressed all the time busy or not, I cried all the time. I was embarrassed about taking anti depressants but with the encourageing words from my pink sisters, I went to my doctor and explained what I was going through. She put me on zoloft but it did'nt work now I am on lexapro. It definitely helps, I don't cry all the time and I don't get depressed so much.
Staying active and busy definitely helps along with being on this site. Many hugs.

Ballerina

depression
Hello my dear fellow brave sufferer:

I have gone off all anti-depressants! I teach college and they did two horrible things to me 1) Made me think like a zoomby 2) Gave me severe constipation (I think this is worse than cancer)!

My breasts still hurt so I take Halcion (a sleeping pill) at night and occasionally Vicodin.

I find walking some time helps (when I am not feeling too insecure).

I too was embarrassed about taking anti-depressants.

Being near my grandchildren cheer me up. (I bought a cell phone for my 10 year old granddaughter so i could talk to her at anytinme. I don't want to bother my friends with all this medical stuff anymore - I think they are tired of hearing about it. I feel so alone sometimes?
Don't you?

Now I face a second time cancer inthe other breast. It's so scary.

I put my arms around you and give you a big hug.

Jeanne

Muschi

jgpaulson said:

depressed
Hi Ilona, my fellow dear sufferer:

I will go in a week to have a biopsy to see if I have breast cancer for the second time.
The interesting thing is I am so busy because I still teach, but no matter how busy I keep myself - those depressing thoughts keep entering my mind. I really don't want to bother my friends with all this medical talk - I think they are tired from hearng it for so long (3 years). I am really fearful because I don't know what they will do to me medically because it is the 2nd time around.

I keep on reading about mortality rates - it scares me.

I wish we could put our arms around each other and give each other a big hug.

Do you mind it I ask you what kind of cancer you have?

Write to me.

Jeanne

thank you Jeanne
I did send you a privat message, please let me know if it worked, it is the first time for me to send a privat message out, I did reply to privat messages but never did send one out before. If you have any more questions please ask. Sorry to hear it came back the second time. I know I will never get rid of that "beast" I was told from my onco, sad news for me!
I do pray a lot to JEHOVH God (Psalm 83:18) and that helps me to go on.
Have a great day and my best wishes to You,
Ilona

Muschi

mom62 said:

Yes
Hi,

I'm the same way. When I am out and about I think I show a more positive and bubbly self. When I am home alone (kids off to school)I constantly cry or sleep a lot. I am clinicly depressed and on meds. I always say I'm OK even if I'm not. I never want to bring anyone down with me. I have one close friend who understands all this, thank goodness for her. Going to see her this weekend.

Terry

I do.....
I do the same like you, don't let everybody know how I really feel, only two of my best friends know and they are great to make me laugh.I cried so many tears with them ( one of them has also breastcancer) but She is doing fine. She only took 2 chemo treatments and She is on that pill for 5 years which is coming very soon for her.
Thanks again Terry for knowing I am not alone in that.
Have a great day
Ilona

aysemari

Public and private you
Ilona,

I found it is easier to be brave when people are looking. My friend
accompanied me to my first chemo and it helped that I made friends with
a lady there the first day. She later told me that she found it right
down comical, how I showed up there with my high heels and nice outfit.
She said I looked like I was going out for a night in the town. She was
kind enough to give me, gum for the bad taste, water I hadn't drank anything
all day and a breakfast, yep I hadn't eaten either. And of course there were
her jokes and good tips. But the second time I went alone, and I was in a room
of very fragile, sickly looking people, I broke down, cried shamelessly and
kept saying to my doctor, I don't belong here. It takes a while before you start
to understand your new place and your new outlook on life. And then some more
time till you accept it. So relax and let time do it's magic.

Biig hug,
Ayse

Muschi

aysemari said:

Public and private you
Ilona,

I found it is easier to be brave when people are looking. My friend
accompanied me to my first chemo and it helped that I made friends with
a lady there the first day. She later told me that she found it right
down comical, how I showed up there with my high heels and nice outfit.
She said I looked like I was going out for a night in the town. She was
kind enough to give me, gum for the bad taste, water I hadn't drank anything
all day and a breakfast, yep I hadn't eaten either. And of course there were
her jokes and good tips. But the second time I went alone, and I was in a room
of very fragile, sickly looking people, I broke down, cried shamelessly and
kept saying to my doctor, I don't belong here. It takes a while before you start
to understand your new place and your new outlook on life. And then some more
time till you accept it. So relax and let time do it's magic.

Biig hug,
Ayse

Dear Ayse
YOU are wonderfull, I wish I could meet you in person. Seems like you could make anybody laugh and make them forget about their problems,haha. When I have my herceptin session my son goes with me all the time, we play cards "face ten", it only takes 1 hr and I am through and I show my best face to everybody around me, even the nurses think I only come to play cards (joke), everybody there is very encauraging, I actually made a few "friends" with some ladies which are worse off than me, at least they really do look sick. I never look sick on the outside, keep most of them fooled, still scared like a little child at home again.
Thank you for your kind words and good advice concerning "time do it's magic".
Biiig hug back to you,
Ilona