It's not too late for you, if I had only thought of this when she was still here...

Hoogenakker

For this or other stories of care, grief and loss, you can read more here: http://hoogenakker.net/?p=664

Teri’s dad, Don has a certain way around small kids. Whenever a toddler or baby was crying, no matter where we were, Don could take the baby up in his arms and within a matter of minutes, the baby was quiet and usually asleep.
I asked Teri about it once because she had that same ability. As most of you know, Kids loved Teri mama, just like they love her dad, Don.

It turns out that Don passed the secret on to Teri. Not so much a secret as an understanding.
See, what they would do is cradle the baby’s head in the crook of their left arm and tuck the baby’s right arm under their left arm, so the little one’s arm was pressed against Don’s ribs. That wasn’t all of course. The baby was held VERY securely and tight. He couldn’t move. Don’s right arm flexed and making contact along the entire length of the baby, a little rocking and shhhh’s and it worked like magic.

As I think about what could have been different over the last year, there was one thing we never did. We both knew what to do, but because we were always honest with each other, I know we both felt like doing this wasn’t in tune with our ne’er said honesty pledge, but sometimes we have to fake it til we make it.

What’s the one thing? Teri and I BOTH needed to be held by each other every once in awhile VERY tightly with full body contact and whisper into each others’ ears, “Everything is Going to be Alright” over and over and over again. Maybe til the other fell asleep, or their breathing slowed and deepened. Wow! Simple, powerful, an eternity of comfort with a few words. Why we didn’t take the few minutes to do this, when it would’ve provided comfort for an eternity, I don’t know.

Does the statement stand up to scrutiny? No!
Does it stand up to logic in the face of certain death? No.
Can you then follow up with questions and doubts? No.
Don’t lessen the magic, there will be plenty of time for worry. Just be engulfed by the glow of the moment and let your comfort work it’s way deep into your loved one. Or harder still, to calm the inner child inside of yourself, and not to squirm, as you are the one accepting of the love and comfort.

See, even in the face of death and an uncertain future,

You Never Lose the Right to say Everything is going to be Alright to the one you love.
http://hoogenakker.net/?p=664