Scared

Court_Ren

I am so scared of loosing my husband. He has stage four EC, and it is in the liver, lymph nodes, and now his lungs. He is 34 years old. We have a beautiful little girl that is 6 and I don' want her to loose her dad, but both of us are strong, and are fighting. I hold him up when all he wants to do is fall, and I vent to my family when I feel as if everything is on me now. I do all the house work, homework, taking care of the everything, and he feels so guilty that he can't help. I try to tell him that it's not a big deal, but he doesn't believe me. Yeah it sucks, but that is all you can do is go into survival mode. Do whatever you have to do to take care of the ones that you love. I clean clean clean so that he doesn't get sick, since his white cells have dropped so much. He doesn't make hemoglobin anymore so he will have to have his first transfusion soon. He just started a new chemo, that cause him so much leg pain he can barley walk at times. Taxotere is a evil chemo, but I hope that is works. 5FU stopped working after 6 months.I know that his prognosis isn't good, but that hasn't stopped him from fighting like hell. I am just overwhelmed. Any words of advise on how to not loose your mind, while you feel like you are loosing the one that you love?

paul61

Welcome to our little EC family
I am so sorry that you find us under these circumstances. I know it must be difficult to deal with the panic of watching someone you love suffer, and facing the fact that you may lose them, and to still do the things that must be done on a day to day basis to keep living.

When I was first diagnosed I spent about three weeks coming to terms with the fact that I was going to die from cancer. Nothing seemed to have any value anymore. After all, what difference did it make if the outcome was already known.

But then I realized it was not going to happen quickly, in fact, no one knew how long I really had. I then started thinking that I had to learn to LIVE with cancer. That meant I had an undetermined number of days to be with my wife and the people I loved. I needed to figure out how I could get the most value out of every day I had. I decided to live each day one day at a time. I knew some days would be really bad days, and some days would be better days, and some days would actually be good days. I knew I needed to learn to be thankful for the good days and to just make it through the bad days.

I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at an early enough stage so that surgery was an option for me. After surgery and chemotherapy I am currently "in remission" per my oncologist.

Of course like most cancer survivors, every new pain, and every few days of not feeling well, bring the specter of "recurrence" to mind. I found that if I kept thinking about all the bad days I had, and all the risks of recurrence ahead, I would at worst "loose my mind" or at best color all the good days with negatives of the bad days.


Therefore I would recommend:

1. Take things one day at a time, be thankful for the good days and endure the bad days and put them behind you. Try not to think too far ahead about what "may" be ahead. Try to stay in the present.

2. Your family and neighbors want to help. But you will have to ask them for specific things because they don't know what to do. When I was recovering from surgery and going through chemotherapy my neighbor cut my lawn every week. People from my church would bring meals by from time to time. My friends would come by and sit with me while my wife went shopping.

3. If you contact the local chapter of the American Cancer Society they can direct you to resources that can help in terms of transportation to treatments, home cleaning services, and support groups for both you and your husband. You need support as much as your husband does at this time.

4. Ignore the statistics. They are just averages based on the outcome of cases that only the disease is a common element. They don't take into account the specifics of your husband's diagnosis or current health profile. Only God knows how long your husband has. Value each day you have together.

5. You will find this forum to be an excellent resource to ask question about treatment options and medical options for dealing with the side effects of medical treatments. Taxotere is a fairly commonly used drug and you will find a number of people here who may be able to help with approaches their oncologist used to deal with the side effects.

If you can tell us more about you and your husband we can offer better suggestions,

What part of the country do you live in?
What is your husband's specific staging information?
Have you gotten a second opinion?
What does your husband's overall health profile look like?

We are not trying to be nosy but we would like to offer meaningful suggestions.

I know you are in a difficult situation. Cancer changes everything and many people don't know how to help.

You will be in our thoughts and prayers,

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
Two year survivor

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Court_Ren

paul61 said:

Welcome to our little EC family
I am so sorry that you find us under these circumstances. I know it must be difficult to deal with the panic of watching someone you love suffer, and facing the fact that you may lose them, and to still do the things that must be done on a day to day basis to keep living.

When I was first diagnosed I spent about three weeks coming to terms with the fact that I was going to die from cancer. Nothing seemed to have any value anymore. After all, what difference did it make if the outcome was already known.

But then I realized it was not going to happen quickly, in fact, no one knew how long I really had. I then started thinking that I had to learn to LIVE with cancer. That meant I had an undetermined number of days to be with my wife and the people I loved. I needed to figure out how I could get the most value out of every day I had. I decided to live each day one day at a time. I knew some days would be really bad days, and some days would be better days, and some days would actually be good days. I knew I needed to learn to be thankful for the good days and to just make it through the bad days.

I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at an early enough stage so that surgery was an option for me. After surgery and chemotherapy I am currently "in remission" per my oncologist.

Of course like most cancer survivors, every new pain, and every few days of not feeling well, bring the specter of "recurrence" to mind. I found that if I kept thinking about all the bad days I had, and all the risks of recurrence ahead, I would at worst "loose my mind" or at best color all the good days with negatives of the bad days.


Therefore I would recommend:

1. Take things one day at a time, be thankful for the good days and endure the bad days and put them behind you. Try not to think too far ahead about what "may" be ahead. Try to stay in the present.

2. Your family and neighbors want to help. But you will have to ask them for specific things because they don't know what to do. When I was recovering from surgery and going through chemotherapy my neighbor cut my lawn every week. People from my church would bring meals by from time to time. My friends would come by and sit with me while my wife went shopping.

3. If you contact the local chapter of the American Cancer Society they can direct you to resources that can help in terms of transportation to treatments, home cleaning services, and support groups for both you and your husband. You need support as much as your husband does at this time.

4. Ignore the statistics. They are just averages based on the outcome of cases that only the disease is a common element. They don't take into account the specifics of your husband's diagnosis or current health profile. Only God knows how long your husband has. Value each day you have together.

5. You will find this forum to be an excellent resource to ask question about treatment options and medical options for dealing with the side effects of medical treatments. Taxotere is a fairly commonly used drug and you will find a number of people here who may be able to help with approaches their oncologist used to deal with the side effects.

If you can tell us more about you and your husband we can offer better suggestions,

What part of the country do you live in?
What is your husband's specific staging information?
Have you gotten a second opinion?
What does your husband's overall health profile look like?

We are not trying to be nosy but we would like to offer meaningful suggestions.

I know you are in a difficult situation. Cancer changes everything and many people don't know how to help.

You will be in our thoughts and prayers,

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
Two year survivor

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

My husband is stage four. It
My husband is stage four. It has gone from the esophagus to the lymphatic system to his liver, to his lungs. He has already completed 12 of 5FU, and now he is on to Taxotere. The first one has hit him hard. Lots of leg pain. He has lost 65 lbs in 6 months, and I do all that I can to get him to eat, it isn't that he can't it is that he has no appetite. We live in MN, and we have had a second opinion. The cancer center that treats him is connected with to the Mayo Clinic, so he has a DR there, and a DR in Grand Forks, ND. He was diagnosed in July and he is still going strong with his treatments. He has alot of neuropathy, and that doesn't seem to be getting any better, so he is angry cause he drops things, and he is cold all the time, finger tips, and feet. Thank you for the prayers, he is really struggling with his faith in God, and that breaks my heart, but I guess that I don't blame him. We just lost his Aunt tonight to breast cancer. She had been in remission for years, and then all of a sudden she was having stomach trouble, well it had come back and it was everywhere. There wasn't anything that they could do as it had just gone to far. So that has made this a very hard day for him, as his own mortality is on his mind. I just wish that noone had to go through cancer. I wish that there was a cure for this kind for sure. I love him, and it hurts to see him so sick. Thanks again, please keep in touch

Ginny_B

I'm sure all the caregivers
I'm sure all the caregivers on this forum have felt the same at one time or another. How very hard that your love is just 34. Wow. I'm caregiver to my mom who is 84 (85 this coning April). 34 is just too young and it's just not right and it's unfair. I'm so sorry for you.

I try to just not think. I brought my mom to live with in in December. At times, it's simply overwhelming and unbearable. The last 3 days have been pure hell trying to overcome a fecal impaction. She managed to get through it (or pass it, if you will) tonight and finally we are all in a state of total relief! There's still the dishes to do, the dog to groom, laundry is going "as we speak", and I feel like I just can't stand up any more. But you know what? We just keep on going and going.

Hugs to you. I think you have the hardest job in the world right now.

Court_Ren

Ginny_B said:

I'm sure all the caregivers
I'm sure all the caregivers on this forum have felt the same at one time or another. How very hard that your love is just 34. Wow. I'm caregiver to my mom who is 84 (85 this coning April). 34 is just too young and it's just not right and it's unfair. I'm so sorry for you.

I try to just not think. I brought my mom to live with in in December. At times, it's simply overwhelming and unbearable. The last 3 days have been pure hell trying to overcome a fecal impaction. She managed to get through it (or pass it, if you will) tonight and finally we are all in a state of total relief! There's still the dishes to do, the dog to groom, laundry is going "as we speak", and I feel like I just can't stand up any more. But you know what? We just keep on going and going.

Hugs to you. I think you have the hardest job in the world right now.

Thanks I know what you mean.
Thanks I know what you mean. I have three dogs, and a six year old. The laundry is never ending. lol I also work full time at a large electronic components company, and am on the road for 45 min one way everyday. Ahhhh! I just wish there were more of me.

oriontj

Court_Ren said:

My husband is stage four. It
My husband is stage four. It has gone from the esophagus to the lymphatic system to his liver, to his lungs. He has already completed 12 of 5FU, and now he is on to Taxotere. The first one has hit him hard. Lots of leg pain. He has lost 65 lbs in 6 months, and I do all that I can to get him to eat, it isn't that he can't it is that he has no appetite. We live in MN, and we have had a second opinion. The cancer center that treats him is connected with to the Mayo Clinic, so he has a DR there, and a DR in Grand Forks, ND. He was diagnosed in July and he is still going strong with his treatments. He has alot of neuropathy, and that doesn't seem to be getting any better, so he is angry cause he drops things, and he is cold all the time, finger tips, and feet. Thank you for the prayers, he is really struggling with his faith in God, and that breaks my heart, but I guess that I don't blame him. We just lost his Aunt tonight to breast cancer. She had been in remission for years, and then all of a sudden she was having stomach trouble, well it had come back and it was everywhere. There wasn't anything that they could do as it had just gone to far. So that has made this a very hard day for him, as his own mortality is on his mind. I just wish that noone had to go through cancer. I wish that there was a cure for this kind for sure. I love him, and it hurts to see him so sick. Thanks again, please keep in touch

The neuroraphy really stinks
My husband has that also but he had both carboplatin and taxol. One day he woke up and could barely walk. He did PT and exercises but it isn't better, stayed the same. He was diagnosed in July of 09 and is still here. He is treated at the U of Chicago and was in a clinical trial that sent his cancer into the NED category but it came back..so more chemo and it's not fun for him nor is it for me or our son. Mood swings can be awful. His treatments with Taxotere are every week which doesn't leave much time to feel decent..not to mention food tastes like nothing.

But we plan to go to Foriday for awhile after his CT Feb 29th. Maybe the warm weather will pick him up a bit.

I hope your husband tolerates the treatments.

jan

GerryS

I am sorry you are going through this.......
It breaks our hearts when we are introduced to another EC patient. We all will try to help where we can. Paul's suggestions are right on. My wife's greatest asset for me was she stayed positive. I became depressed and she helped me get thru day by day. I, too, am a patient at Mayo, Mn. I have been completely satisfied with my care there.

I was dx in Feb 2010. Had surgery in March followed by 2 months chemo. I will be at Mayo this thurs and fri for my 2 yr check up. I will pray for your family as you attack this disease. God Bless.......

Gerry

mruble

No words
I wish I had words that would help, but I do not. But know that you have the love and support of many people - those you know and those you've never met.

My husband was 43 when he was diagnosed at stage 4 and I know it's a scary place to be, especially with children. My husband came home from the hospital on Friday and is now under the care of hospice. It will be days, perhaps weeks, before Gos calls him home. Like you, I am scared, tired and overwhelmed but we will get through this. You will and I will. Don't be afraid to lean on others.

We've treated at Mayo as well and my husband is under the care of a Mayo-trained oncologist in central Minnesota. He gets much credit for keeping Chad with us as long as he has.

Best wishes to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you travel this unwanted and unrelenting road.

Mary

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

TerryV

mruble said:

No words
I wish I had words that would help, but I do not. But know that you have the love and support of many people - those you know and those you've never met.

My husband was 43 when he was diagnosed at stage 4 and I know it's a scary place to be, especially with children. My husband came home from the hospital on Friday and is now under the care of hospice. It will be days, perhaps weeks, before Gos calls him home. Like you, I am scared, tired and overwhelmed but we will get through this. You will and I will. Don't be afraid to lean on others.

We've treated at Mayo as well and my husband is under the care of a Mayo-trained oncologist in central Minnesota. He gets much credit for keeping Chad with us as long as he has.

Best wishes to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you travel this unwanted and unrelenting road.

Mary

In our thoughts & prayers
Mary,

I'm so sorry to hear that the time has come to call hospice. I'm glad they are there for you though.

Please know that we are here for you. Praying for you, sending love & hugs,

Terry

TerryV

mruble said:

No words
I wish I had words that would help, but I do not. But know that you have the love and support of many people - those you know and those you've never met.

My husband was 43 when he was diagnosed at stage 4 and I know it's a scary place to be, especially with children. My husband came home from the hospital on Friday and is now under the care of hospice. It will be days, perhaps weeks, before Gos calls him home. Like you, I am scared, tired and overwhelmed but we will get through this. You will and I will. Don't be afraid to lean on others.

We've treated at Mayo as well and my husband is under the care of a Mayo-trained oncologist in central Minnesota. He gets much credit for keeping Chad with us as long as he has.

Best wishes to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you travel this unwanted and unrelenting road.

Mary

Duplicate
Duplicate

Court_Ren

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Thanks. He is having some
Thanks. He is having some side effects this weekend from his chemo. Pain, joint pain, and swelling in his legs. I wish that i could take it all away but I can't and that sucks watching someone hurt. Plus I have a sick kid. She needs to try and stay away from daddy so that she doesn't get him sick, when all she wants is to be with her daddy. Ugh