lost and confused

myangelkiss

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (adenocarcinoma of the cecum) last year just before his 29th birthday... a couple of months ago the doctor told us that he was just needing a little more chemo then he could go to maintenance if scans looked good after another 6 months... well last week my husband had 2 new masses removed and pathology came back yesterday and yes it was cancer and it had spread... I am totally terrified and confused... how can it go from so much hope to this? I am trying to stay strong and positive for him, his family, our children, and myself but i can feel myself breaking and lost.. I have been in love with this man since i was 12 years old... the second i looked at him i knew that was it i was going to marry him he had my heart and always will. How do i stay positive and be realistic at the same time? Our youngest is only 5 she is daddy's little girl and they think the world of each other.. our son is only 7 and wants to grow up to be just like my husband. I just dont know how to deal with the latest news and am looking for someone to please guide me. I need to know what to do.

Kathleen808

Hi
Hi mak (myangelkiss),

I understand how you feel. This is a terrifying disease. I have spent some of the past three years absolutely scared out of my mind that my husband would be gone way to soon. It is OK to break. When you are ready you will get back up, put one foot in front of the other and keep going forward. I work really hard to get to a place of peace and hope when we have gotten bad news. It takes time and I recommend you let yourself be sad, angry, freaked..... for a bit and then take some deep breathes (literally) and find one bit of beauty in each day.

I see you read a bit of our story from the post I just made. It has been a very long 3 years. However, we have had some of the most incredible, amazing, beautiful experiences during this journey. We have been incredibly blessed by family and friends. Let those folks in and take any help they are offering. When the help starts to dry up let some of the people close to you know you could still use some help.

**** was stage 3c when diagnosed and after his resection surgery and first 12 rounds of Folfox 6 he still had cancer in lymph nodes. He did more chemo and then had another big surgery taking out lymph nodes. Then more chemo, then clear for about 6 months, then reoccurance in his lungs, then another year of chemo and just now a scan that does not show cancer. We know it is still lurking and he will take more chemo for quite awhile. But we are getting a break. I hope that gives you some hope.

Know that we are here for you. We will help you through. It is damn hard but we will help you take the steps when you need us.

Aloha,
Kathleen

plh4gail

Mak ...your nickname is perfect
Hugging you Mak...you are not alone, we are here for you. You will find the strength and courage to stay strong and be positive for you, your loving husband and wonderful children. Blessings to our caregivers, we couldn't do it without them.

plh4gail

buckeye2

When I was at the place you
When I was at the place you are, a long time caregiver told me I would get used to it. I really didn't believe her. I thought the fear and anxiety were permanent fixtures until we were at cure or death. I have since discovered she was right. I am getting use to it. While the fear continues to be my companion, I am able to live and enjoy life. Because there are children involved, falling apart is not an option. Your job now is to instill normalcy in a not normal situation. I know you will find the strength. Lisa

thingy45

buckeye2 said:

When I was at the place you
When I was at the place you are, a long time caregiver told me I would get used to it. I really didn't believe her. I thought the fear and anxiety were permanent fixtures until we were at cure or death. I have since discovered she was right. I am getting use to it. While the fear continues to be my companion, I am able to live and enjoy life. Because there are children involved, falling apart is not an option. Your job now is to instill normalcy in a not normal situation. I know you will find the strength. Lisa

Angels in disguise
Hi MAK,
Caregivers are angels in disguise. You feel you have to be strong for the both of you.
Come here on the board and you can cry and say what is in your mind and heart.
Someone will help you through your fears.
Your husband is blessed to have you by his side.
Hugs, Marjan

seek@light

sad
Hi Mak,

It is just way too young for your, your husband, and your kids to experience this. I can understand how hard it is since I got a similar experience. I was once misdiagnosied to have lung cancer when my wife was going to give birth to our very first kid.

I cried a lot at that time, feeling that I was too young to die. So if you feel sad, just let it break out, do not hold too much!

GOd bless you!

Gary