How to forgive and move on after 12 years

Angelamurd

How can I forgive my family for not being there for me when I really needed them ? Cause I need to have a different outlook on going for my check ups mor often?

CypressCynthia

Here is what has worked for
Here is what has worked for me: when someone has, in my opinion, wronged me, I pray or meditate for them first and me second. It seems to center and calm me. It also helps to remember that forgiveness is part of self-healing.

Having said that, if a family member(s) is repeatedly toxic, forgive them, but then it may be time to move on and surround yourself with a more supportive network.

SIROD

Anger Issues
Hi Angelamurd,

I always have found anger to be a very heavy burden to carry each day. It is best to forgive and forget then move on to live in the present. We can never undo the past, it is what it is.

Did your friends help you out? If they did count that as a blessing.

My family lived in other states so I didn't have the problem. Perhaps seeing some doctor who deals with these sort of issues might be helpful to you. Why not ask at your cancer center if one is available.

Wishing you the best,

Doris

MAJW

12 Years?
It's been 12 years since your bc diagnosis???????? If so, I think 12 years is long enough to hold onto this.....your family has moved on but sadly you are still holding on to this....forgiveness will set you free....harboring all this resentment isn't healthy, mentally or physically....put yourself first and let go.........be thankful you're healthy....12 years is a long time to hold a grudge....perhaps your family did the best they were capable of...and when we are in the throes of breast cancer we are so invested in surviving that at times it's very difficult to see people in a different light...as a rule most people, including family and friends simply have no idea of how to help you....they can't make the cancer go away...and some people simply can't deal with a loved one's cancer....they are so afraid of losing the person...my advice is to let this go.....it might help tto take pen to paper and write a letter telling your family how much they hurt you by not being supportive.....get it out all....then take a deep breathe, forgive and tear up the letter...

Wishing you better days...
Hugs, Nancy

KathiM

MAJW said:

12 Years?
It's been 12 years since your bc diagnosis???????? If so, I think 12 years is long enough to hold onto this.....your family has moved on but sadly you are still holding on to this....forgiveness will set you free....harboring all this resentment isn't healthy, mentally or physically....put yourself first and let go.........be thankful you're healthy....12 years is a long time to hold a grudge....perhaps your family did the best they were capable of...and when we are in the throes of breast cancer we are so invested in surviving that at times it's very difficult to see people in a different light...as a rule most people, including family and friends simply have no idea of how to help you....they can't make the cancer go away...and some people simply can't deal with a loved one's cancer....they are so afraid of losing the person...my advice is to let this go.....it might help tto take pen to paper and write a letter telling your family how much they hurt you by not being supportive.....get it out all....then take a deep breathe, forgive and tear up the letter...

Wishing you better days...
Hugs, Nancy

Wise words...
I agree with Nancy...let it go, so you can go on with your life...

Knuffels, Kathi

missrenee

KathiM said:

Wise words...
I agree with Nancy...let it go, so you can go on with your life...

Knuffels, Kathi

I agree with Nancy and Kathi
Holding onto a grudge for any length of time hurts only one person--you. Anger and negative feelings not only hurt your emotional, mental state, but hurt your immune system as well. As we've all heard before, forgiveness is something you give to yourself. And, forgiveness does not mean you condone whatever someone has done to you, it simply means that you allow yourself to move on and be free of it.

Talking to a professional might be a good idea to give you some tools to help you accomplish this.

My best wishes.

Hugs, Renee

LoveBabyJesus

Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the most complex yet most rewarding action we can do. It is challenging and difficult, but this happens when we become judges and have expectations. When you don't forgive, it's because an expectation wasn't met and you are judging and punishing that person for doing you wrong. But in reality, you're harming yourself more. I have faith in God, and I know this may not apply to everyone - and I respect that. I think he is the only one who can judge. Our job is to do the right thing and look good in in front of him. I am not preaching, but I am trying to share my beliefs so that they can help you in some way. But even if you don't have any type of faith, it doesn't matter. As long as you keep rancor in your heart, you will harm your spirit. You won't be at peace and will always be disappointed about others. When they're NOT worrying about it at all. They might not even know about your feelings. Have you ever discussed those emotions with them? Were they not there for you during the beginning of you dx? I've learned with my dx not to stress anything other people do or say to me, because it's not worth it. It doesn't matter who it comes from. We are priority. Our health is. But I've also learned that if these things bother you enough, you should speak your mind. Do it right away, don't wait! Because a lot of times the other person doesn't even realize what they are doing.

Remember, everything handles a cancer dx differently. Sometimes people want to seem as normal as possible, not because they don't want to be there for you, but because they want to believe you are OK. And they want you to feel normal again.

And last but not least, everyone is different. What you may find the "right thing to do", others may not feel the same way. Don't have expectations and you shall not be disappointed. Try not to dwell on things especially after so long. You've been gifted to have all these years to enjoy life. Embrace it and try to forgive so that your heart can be lifted.

Good luck.

disneyfan2008

It took my $1,000s of
It took my $1,000s of therpay to forgive..but NOT FORGET...ONNLY for me...holding grudge only hurts your self! MY inlaws were my issue for many years and I now speak if i must-do go out of my way for them. I just know-I needed to LET GO..my therpist suggested to write up all my complaints since they would not care or change...then Shred!!!!!!!!!

HELPFUL to me

Denise...

sorry you must go through this..

stacy_harp

grudges
only allow those youre angry at to take up a permanent home in your life (rent free) . let go and live