husband not sure about more chemo

mimi k

after cancer came back 2 years after first diagnois my husband not sure he wants to do more chemo.
the oncoligist said 6 months of treatment. He had his port out last feb. when he had hernia surgery, so has to get port in also. He is really reluctant to do chemo, I am trying to be supportive, but I am having a problem with him not trying the treatments .He is 56 this next thursday and we have 3 sons 19,21,29 and three beautifull granddaughters too. I know that there are many different oppinions about chemo and I just wanted to ask for your's. He also does not have many paid days off at work after he used alot 2 years ago with first chemo,radiation and surgery. So I know he is concerned about that, he is using FMLA now and has long term disabity at his job, but has to be off for 3 months to draw it, so I know that is concerning him along with just before this surgery he was just begining to feel really good, he is not a sitter and was getting back to his old self again, it's hard to see him go thru this again.

Sundanceh

MK
Mimi

Doesn't he got a fresh alottment of paid days every year? Does his employment have a short-term disability plan? This type of plan would pay anywhere between 60-100% of his pay for a period of around 3 months...things usually shift then to long term for another 3-months.

And if things extend beyond that, you continue into long-term, but instead of the employer issuing the checks, it ususally comes from the long-term provider....somebody like The Hartford Insurance Group...

I just wrote some of my thoughts on chemo and its role in our fights on SherryLee's post, "I think I made a decision..." you might check that out.

You don't indicate how many times your husband has done chemo....it does get harder the more you take of it and the effects are cumulative. But, if he has just done the initial 6-months and doesn't want to do it anymore....we can all respect anyone's decision to fight or not.

...but he might want to reconsider and try it again....cure is so difficult to reach...but he could reach that - and at the very least, he can extend his life further than if he mailed it in now.

I've had cancer 3x now - over 7.7 years in the active fight - I know it is hard, but there are no easy paths and no quick fixes in this business.

He may just have to "get his mind right - to fight" again...I'm hoping that he will reconsider....doing chemo is no absolute by any means...we can recur even when doing it or not doing it....with exercise and without....with supplements and without...with alternatives and without...

No easy answers here...but if he stops now and still has gas enough left in his tank to fight some more...he should be able to extend out and the more time that we buy, another targeted therapy may be in the pipeline....and those will be the days worth living for.

The best to you both!

-Craig

mimi k

Sundanceh said:

MK
Mimi

Doesn't he got a fresh alottment of paid days every year? Does his employment have a short-term disability plan? This type of plan would pay anywhere between 60-100% of his pay for a period of around 3 months...things usually shift then to long term for another 3-months.

And if things extend beyond that, you continue into long-term, but instead of the employer issuing the checks, it ususally comes from the long-term provider....somebody like The Hartford Insurance Group...

I just wrote some of my thoughts on chemo and its role in our fights on SherryLee's post, "I think I made a decision..." you might check that out.

You don't indicate how many times your husband has done chemo....it does get harder the more you take of it and the effects are cumulative. But, if he has just done the initial 6-months and doesn't want to do it anymore....we can all respect anyone's decision to fight or not.

...but he might want to reconsider and try it again....cure is so difficult to reach...but he could reach that - and at the very least, he can extend his life further than if he mailed it in now.

I've had cancer 3x now - over 7.7 years in the active fight - I know it is hard, but there are no easy paths and no quick fixes in this business.

He may just have to "get his mind right - to fight" again...I'm hoping that he will reconsider....doing chemo is no absolute by any means...we can recur even when doing it or not doing it....with exercise and without....with supplements and without...with alternatives and without...

No easy answers here...but if he stops now and still has gas enough left in his tank to fight some more...he should be able to extend out and the more time that we buy, another targeted therapy may be in the pipeline....and those will be the days worth living for.

The best to you both!

-Craig

used all his culmilative days 2years ago
My husband works for the school system here in indiana and he had alot of paid days that he used up 2 years ago and had only 12 paid sick days which he has used up as of today, and now will use his 2 week vacation days. The year starts over in september. They do not have short term disability just long term. I do think he will take the chemo treatments, he is just going through a hard time as you know just thinking about it. He is a strong person and hates what it does to him, I told him he has a great support team to help him, we have 3 sons 19,21 and 29 along with 2 beautifull granddaughters that he has to focus on being here for them. We have to stay strong and fight this terrible disease, with all we have,I have read the post on this site since his first diagnosis and you all have helped alot already, I just decided to join so I could ask questions, after all we are all in this together.thanks for all your well wishes and I wish you all well too.

Sundanceh

mimi k said:

used all his culmilative days 2years ago
My husband works for the school system here in indiana and he had alot of paid days that he used up 2 years ago and had only 12 paid sick days which he has used up as of today, and now will use his 2 week vacation days. The year starts over in september. They do not have short term disability just long term. I do think he will take the chemo treatments, he is just going through a hard time as you know just thinking about it. He is a strong person and hates what it does to him, I told him he has a great support team to help him, we have 3 sons 19,21 and 29 along with 2 beautifull granddaughters that he has to focus on being here for them. We have to stay strong and fight this terrible disease, with all we have,I have read the post on this site since his first diagnosis and you all have helped alot already, I just decided to join so I could ask questions, after all we are all in this together.thanks for all your well wishes and I wish you all well too.

Well, we're happy to have you here:)

We will try to help anyone that we can. I've had to exhaust all of my vacation and sick time in the past with the various programs we've had with my employer. I can certainly understand his mindset with not much time or money to throw at this...

I had a home care nurse that told me, "You just worry about getting better..." And all I could do was thing about getting back to work before my FMLA ran out and they could do something to me.

I really get those kind of fears. I've found it's never about the cancer itself - but all of the peripheral stuff we have to manage along with all of that...it fills up our plate quickly.

Once again - welcome!

-Craig

Buckwirth

mimi k said:

used all his culmilative days 2years ago
My husband works for the school system here in indiana and he had alot of paid days that he used up 2 years ago and had only 12 paid sick days which he has used up as of today, and now will use his 2 week vacation days. The year starts over in september. They do not have short term disability just long term. I do think he will take the chemo treatments, he is just going through a hard time as you know just thinking about it. He is a strong person and hates what it does to him, I told him he has a great support team to help him, we have 3 sons 19,21 and 29 along with 2 beautifull granddaughters that he has to focus on being here for them. We have to stay strong and fight this terrible disease, with all we have,I have read the post on this site since his first diagnosis and you all have helped alot already, I just decided to join so I could ask questions, after all we are all in this together.thanks for all your well wishes and I wish you all well too.

Mimi,
Get thee to a Social Security office and apply for SSDI.

Then plan out what it will take to qualify for the LTD. it may mean not going back to work.

Fighting this should be a full time job, and if the programs are there to make it possible he should plan to use them. I retired in October and my only regret is that I did not do it 6 months earlier. Even at 60% of pay, and paying Cobra, I actually think I am better off now than I was working.