Reflections of 2011

KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
edited January 2012 in Caregivers #1
I have a journal that I write in daily. I started it the day after my husband passed away. I never go back and read what I wrote except for January 1, 2012. I read it to the grief counselor that comes over once a week because she asked me to share it. I would like to share it with all of you.

"Sunday 1/1/12: Well the worst year in my life is now over. I knew from the end of 2010 that 2011 was going to be a bad year but I didn't expect it to be this bad. I meant to reflect on it yesterday but I was so upset. Starting with the last few days of 2010 with my car accident made the outlook of 2011 look bleak but it actually turned out to be devastating. January 2011 both of us got sick with colds and you had teeth issues. Which ended up getting pulled. Day after Superbowl you were screaming of tremendous pain which ended us in the ER. Doctors took a CT scan and (with a bad bedside manner) said you had cancer all up and down your body. March 3rd was the official diagnosis. I remember all this like it was yesterday! You took radiation but no chemo. April 30th (our wedding anniversary) your brother and my mother came to visit. May 2011 you went back to the hospital with DKA. You didn't test your blood sugar or take your insulin. June you were put on hospice. I took good care of you. You were slowly fading away. August, I lost my job but it made me be able to take care of you full time. September your brother came back down for your birthday. October you became bed ridden. November 14, 2011 you left me!!! I am so lost without you Mark. December I brought you up to Ohio to bury you! 2011 has been the worse year of my life!!! I love you Mark and I truly miss you! Because you are no longer here, my life is forever changed!! I will never be the same. There is a hole in my heart. You have that piece!! I miss you Mark! I can't believe that you are gone!!!"

Now my journal is going to be buried or cremated with me as I have requested my daughter to make sure this happens. I have also added that into my will as a final wish. I want to show Mark when we meet up again.

Thanks for listening


wife of Mark Scoville RIP 11/14/11 from NCSLC with mets.