drinking
Comments
-
Ohhhhh yes - me tooketziah35 said:Yes people have done this
Yes people have done this with stress. You need to go to a meeting or a counselor early mext week before you backtrack. That is what most have done wh have had the same issue. Put the bottle down.
I did not seem to have a drinking problem before my husband's cancer, but I certainly developed a dependency soon after his diagnosis. It was pretty hard dealing with the after-effects - my doctor put me on Zoloft, as I was having anxiety attacks on top of withdrawal. That helped a lot for a few months and I then worked my way off the Zoloft (actually, I quit cold turkey, but that's another story). I'm still not perfect yet, but neither am I knocking down 5-6 shots during the course of an evening.
As with all other inadequate coping mechanisms (like drugs, cutting, overeating) drinking is a solution that creates its own problem. I agree with ketziah - get to a meeting as soon as possible. Your husband's doctor might be willing to prescribe an antidepressant for you - if not, you need to find a way to get an appointment with an affordable doctor and get some chemical help. Being a caregiver really causes an imbalance (poor diet, lack of sleep, lots of stress = not much brain chemicals being produced) and drinking eventually makes that worse (depletes B vitamins, which you need to help make those brain chemicals).
You are not weak - your body chemistry might be letting you down a bit, but that's a relatively easy fix.
You can do this, and you have a bunch of folks pulling for you. PM me if you want to talk offline - I might be able to offer some specific advice about affording what the doctor prescribes, once you see one.
Mary0 -
Sue
If you've had years of sobriety, you already know what you need to do. Go to a meeting today. Then go to another meeting.....
Otherwise, you know what direction this is heading. My best wishes to you.
Pat0 -
Suelongtermsurvivor said:Sue
If you've had years of sobriety, you already know what you need to do. Go to a meeting today. Then go to another meeting.....
Otherwise, you know what direction this is heading. My best wishes to you.
Pat
In my earlier years I was an alcoholic. I stopped cold turkey back in 93; however, I've had a few setbacks since then. When I tell people that I was an alchy, they don't believe me, but I drank to cope with my low self esteem and depression. I drank all day and everyday. I would drank until I passed out. It had gotten so bad that I could not remember passing out. Coupled with that, I was addicted to any type of pill that would enhance my already drunken stupor. I tell you this because now that I am a caregiver some 19 years later, I struggle with resisting to drink. The urge is always there, but I walk away. Sometimes I just want to escape from this nightmare. I remember how drinking would make me feel so good at first, but then later, it was horrible... Everyone is right, you need to go back to meetings. I overcame with the strength I had in God. He, I believe, made it taste so nasty in my mouth until everytime I thought about drinking, I would get sick at the stomach. Someone had to pray for me...I think the old ladies at the church knew what I was up too and put in some prayers for me. I am praying for you as I feel your pain, and I know what it is like to suffer with an alcohol addiction. It runs in my family. Get some help, and you say you tried the bible...Don't give up on God and His word. It is true. You have a strong addiction and sometimes we are healed in different ways.0 -
drinking
Thanks so much for all that respond to me!! I have put the bottle down, it doesn't help!! It's just so hard! I do know that drinking doesn 't help, but I am so we I needed to try and see if it would make me feel a little better, even though in the back of my head I knew it wouldn't. So here I lay in bed, was a quite day today. Spent the day on the couch with my husband. He is unable to talk so we just held hands. He said today in a very low whisper " I don't think I will be here much longer" this is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard! He can't eat, has a hard time hearing and now he has lost his voice. He is just getting weaker and weaker, and it's getting harder and harder. I guess you all know pretty much what it feels like. I said " we all don't know how much time we have left" Just know that I love you! Thanks everyone for listening! Sue0 -
Sue,sue5749 said:drinking
Thanks so much for all that respond to me!! I have put the bottle down, it doesn't help!! It's just so hard! I do know that drinking doesn 't help, but I am so we I needed to try and see if it would make me feel a little better, even though in the back of my head I knew it wouldn't. So here I lay in bed, was a quite day today. Spent the day on the couch with my husband. He is unable to talk so we just held hands. He said today in a very low whisper " I don't think I will be here much longer" this is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard! He can't eat, has a hard time hearing and now he has lost his voice. He is just getting weaker and weaker, and it's getting harder and harder. I guess you all know pretty much what it feels like. I said " we all don't know how much time we have left" Just know that I love you! Thanks everyone for listening! Sue
Did you go to a
Sue,
Did you go to a meeting, a counselor or minister to talk to? I think you just need some support to minimize the temptation in the future.0 -
pretending not to be an alcoholicsue5749 said:drinking
Thanks so much for all that respond to me!! I have put the bottle down, it doesn't help!! It's just so hard! I do know that drinking doesn 't help, but I am so we I needed to try and see if it would make me feel a little better, even though in the back of my head I knew it wouldn't. So here I lay in bed, was a quite day today. Spent the day on the couch with my husband. He is unable to talk so we just held hands. He said today in a very low whisper " I don't think I will be here much longer" this is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard! He can't eat, has a hard time hearing and now he has lost his voice. He is just getting weaker and weaker, and it's getting harder and harder. I guess you all know pretty much what it feels like. I said " we all don't know how much time we have left" Just know that I love you! Thanks everyone for listening! Sue
When my husband asked me to marry him he also asked me to stop the drinking. I was an alcoholic for many years and I did it for him and stayed sober for 7 years. I also took care of him with his cancer. He told me before he died that he didn't care what I did after he left his earthly body but he requested that I didn't drink "NOW". I didn't but now that he is gone I have gone back to drinking and I know that I shouldn't. I need to stop. I don't drink as much as I use to but I still am drinking and I know it is not good. I think it is to numb the fact of reality to the fact that I have no one anymore. My husband is gone and I turn to the bottle to "not feel" anymore. I was in the same boat you were. One night before he got real bad I had a few beers and he knew it. I told him that I was having a very hard time with this. But for his sake and for the sake that I was taking care of him I stopped drinking so I could take care of the love of my life. My husband told me a week before he passed that "he was going soon" and I laid with him for hours on end. I stopped drinking for him. He needed me and I wanted to be there for him because his time was short and both of us knew this. I miss him terribly now and I have nothing to turn to but the bottle but I know it is wrong and I am in the process of correcting that! I have to for the sake of my life. My husband wouldn't want me to be this way. I know this and I feel guilty every time I take a drink. But being a former (and still) an alcoholic it is a very difficult battle. I know how you feel and yes, like the others have said, put the bottle down. It only causes even more heartache and issues! As of now, THE BOTTLE IS DOWN...I don't need this on top of all that has just gone on in my life!!!! Take care and keep us informed on how you are doing! The bottle is not worth the time you have left!!!
Take care!
~Kelly
RIP Mark Scoville 11/14/11 NSCLC w/ mets0 -
caregiversue5749 said:drinking
Thanks so much for all that respond to me!! I have put the bottle down, it doesn't help!! It's just so hard! I do know that drinking doesn 't help, but I am so we I needed to try and see if it would make me feel a little better, even though in the back of my head I knew it wouldn't. So here I lay in bed, was a quite day today. Spent the day on the couch with my husband. He is unable to talk so we just held hands. He said today in a very low whisper " I don't think I will be here much longer" this is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard! He can't eat, has a hard time hearing and now he has lost his voice. He is just getting weaker and weaker, and it's getting harder and harder. I guess you all know pretty much what it feels like. I said " we all don't know how much time we have left" Just know that I love you! Thanks everyone for listening! Sue
I am no longer a caregiver.0 -
not a caregiver anymoreDrMary said:I'm so sorry
You have a lot to deal with now - remember that we are all grieving with you and please take care of yourself.
You and your beloved are in our thoughts tonight.
Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. My husband has fighting the fight for 15 months. Now is is no longer with us. I have been so busy trying to make the final arrangments. Never thought this is the way it all would turn out. I knew that he has been real sick, but it just seems like it will keep on going on. The only peace that I can get out of all this is, I helped him walk to HIS CHAIR IN the living room and he just fell asleep. I helped in out of bed yesterday morning and checked his sugar was high 350 so gave him his shot of insulin. And then his morning meds for the day. Then gave him his can of food. He whispered " he wanted to set at the kitchen table" for awhile. I said "ok" So I went into living room was watching the Doctors. Then after about 5 minutes I said You want to go set into the living room, he nodded. So helped him walk into the living room. Sat him into his chair. We sat there watching tv, as we always did. So I got up started straighting the house some. Walked into the living room, His head was bent down, I thought " maybe his sugar has dropped because he did throw up a little this morning so should check his sugar. Was 198, not to awful bad, so why isn't he responding to me??? Tried to wake him, but couldn't called 911 They tried and tried everything, went to hospital said " Sorry for your loss" The only peace out of this is knowing he was so very tired fighting doctors saying go home call hospice he didn't want hospice. He just wanted to go to sleep. and he did. he went to sleep in his chair.0 -
I am so sorry for your losssue5749 said:not a caregiver anymore
Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. My husband has fighting the fight for 15 months. Now is is no longer with us. I have been so busy trying to make the final arrangments. Never thought this is the way it all would turn out. I knew that he has been real sick, but it just seems like it will keep on going on. The only peace that I can get out of all this is, I helped him walk to HIS CHAIR IN the living room and he just fell asleep. I helped in out of bed yesterday morning and checked his sugar was high 350 so gave him his shot of insulin. And then his morning meds for the day. Then gave him his can of food. He whispered " he wanted to set at the kitchen table" for awhile. I said "ok" So I went into living room was watching the Doctors. Then after about 5 minutes I said You want to go set into the living room, he nodded. So helped him walk into the living room. Sat him into his chair. We sat there watching tv, as we always did. So I got up started straighting the house some. Walked into the living room, His head was bent down, I thought " maybe his sugar has dropped because he did throw up a little this morning so should check his sugar. Was 198, not to awful bad, so why isn't he responding to me??? Tried to wake him, but couldn't called 911 They tried and tried everything, went to hospital said " Sorry for your loss" The only peace out of this is knowing he was so very tired fighting doctors saying go home call hospice he didn't want hospice. He just wanted to go to sleep. and he did. he went to sleep in his chair.
Sue,
I am so sorry for your loss. My God's peace be with you and your family at this time.
Take care,
~Kelly
wife of Mark Scoville RIP 11/14/11 NSCLC with mets dx 3/3/110 -
Thinking of Yousue5749 said:not a caregiver anymore
Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. My husband has fighting the fight for 15 months. Now is is no longer with us. I have been so busy trying to make the final arrangments. Never thought this is the way it all would turn out. I knew that he has been real sick, but it just seems like it will keep on going on. The only peace that I can get out of all this is, I helped him walk to HIS CHAIR IN the living room and he just fell asleep. I helped in out of bed yesterday morning and checked his sugar was high 350 so gave him his shot of insulin. And then his morning meds for the day. Then gave him his can of food. He whispered " he wanted to set at the kitchen table" for awhile. I said "ok" So I went into living room was watching the Doctors. Then after about 5 minutes I said You want to go set into the living room, he nodded. So helped him walk into the living room. Sat him into his chair. We sat there watching tv, as we always did. So I got up started straighting the house some. Walked into the living room, His head was bent down, I thought " maybe his sugar has dropped because he did throw up a little this morning so should check his sugar. Was 198, not to awful bad, so why isn't he responding to me??? Tried to wake him, but couldn't called 911 They tried and tried everything, went to hospital said " Sorry for your loss" The only peace out of this is knowing he was so very tired fighting doctors saying go home call hospice he didn't want hospice. He just wanted to go to sleep. and he did. he went to sleep in his chair.
Dear Sue
So sorry for your recent loss of your husband. I just finished your story up to now. I was a caregiver for my dad. He passed from EC in March 2010. You know when your husband wispered he did not think he would be around much longer? He knew right then and there where he was going. My dad told me the Lord told him he had a strong handshake...that night my dad passed away. I am happy that your husband and my dad both passed on peacefully. They both had a long hard journey. Your husband 15 mos, my dad 16 mos. They are both so happy now, out of pain and suffering and no longer have the cancer!
Keep up the good work about quitting drinking. You have been here before so you know what to do and how to handle it. We are always here for you. Ask and you shall receive. Keep in touch.
Tina in Va0 -
sue,sue5749 said:not a caregiver anymore
Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. My husband has fighting the fight for 15 months. Now is is no longer with us. I have been so busy trying to make the final arrangments. Never thought this is the way it all would turn out. I knew that he has been real sick, but it just seems like it will keep on going on. The only peace that I can get out of all this is, I helped him walk to HIS CHAIR IN the living room and he just fell asleep. I helped in out of bed yesterday morning and checked his sugar was high 350 so gave him his shot of insulin. And then his morning meds for the day. Then gave him his can of food. He whispered " he wanted to set at the kitchen table" for awhile. I said "ok" So I went into living room was watching the Doctors. Then after about 5 minutes I said You want to go set into the living room, he nodded. So helped him walk into the living room. Sat him into his chair. We sat there watching tv, as we always did. So I got up started straighting the house some. Walked into the living room, His head was bent down, I thought " maybe his sugar has dropped because he did throw up a little this morning so should check his sugar. Was 198, not to awful bad, so why isn't he responding to me??? Tried to wake him, but couldn't called 911 They tried and tried everything, went to hospital said " Sorry for your loss" The only peace out of this is knowing he was so very tired fighting doctors saying go home call hospice he didn't want hospice. He just wanted to go to sleep. and he did. he went to sleep in his chair.
I am so sorry you have
sue,
I am so sorry you have had to fight this battle. I know you were there for him in every way possible. And you helped him to his chair and knowing you were nearby, he was at peace.
May God give you the strength you need now to take care of yourself in the time ahead.
We are here for you. Keep coming back...0 -
time for grievingleprechaun2 said:sue,
I am so sorry you have
sue,
I am so sorry you have had to fight this battle. I know you were there for him in every way possible. And you helped him to his chair and knowing you were nearby, he was at peace.
May God give you the strength you need now to take care of yourself in the time ahead.
We are here for you. Keep coming back...
Thanks you guys so much for all the comforting words. As I am laying here in bed, all of my sisters { 3 } are in the kitchen talking and looking at old photos of my husband and I and the family. I had to just come in here and just get away. They are a god send that they came from out of state to be with me and I am so thankful for having them near! But all the talk and all I had to come into the bedroom and close the door and just let the waves flow. How in the world am I going to get through the services tomorrow and then Sat I will bury him? This is the hardest thing I have to ever do. They have not been through the death of their husband as of yet, I hope they never will! I am so worried about next week when they will all be gone. I guess all I can really do is take one day at a time. Just worry about this moment/ I just knew you all would under stand the feelings that I am going through right now. Yes he is at peace right now, no more suffering and he did just go to sleep in his chair. he didn't want Hospice to come to our house, all being said, it is just killing me right now! He loved the song by Garth Brooks, The Dance! But it just about kills me to listen to the words right now! We will be playing tomorrow at his funeral at 1 pm. He was a humble man! Thanks so much for listening to me! Love, Sue0 -
Thank Yousue5749 said:time for grieving
Thanks you guys so much for all the comforting words. As I am laying here in bed, all of my sisters { 3 } are in the kitchen talking and looking at old photos of my husband and I and the family. I had to just come in here and just get away. They are a god send that they came from out of state to be with me and I am so thankful for having them near! But all the talk and all I had to come into the bedroom and close the door and just let the waves flow. How in the world am I going to get through the services tomorrow and then Sat I will bury him? This is the hardest thing I have to ever do. They have not been through the death of their husband as of yet, I hope they never will! I am so worried about next week when they will all be gone. I guess all I can really do is take one day at a time. Just worry about this moment/ I just knew you all would under stand the feelings that I am going through right now. Yes he is at peace right now, no more suffering and he did just go to sleep in his chair. he didn't want Hospice to come to our house, all being said, it is just killing me right now! He loved the song by Garth Brooks, The Dance! But it just about kills me to listen to the words right now! We will be playing tomorrow at his funeral at 1 pm. He was a humble man! Thanks so much for listening to me! Love, Sue
for sharing - your husband sounds like a wonderful man and I am glad you were able to take a few moments and write about him.
You are right that the folks who are caring for you now do not know what it is like to lose a spouse. They might think that you will want them to clear out so you can have some time to yourself - this is not always the best thing. Is there any chance one of them could stay a bit longer?
Everyone has a different way of dealing after losing the love of their life. My mother always dealt with grief by keeping very, very busy (she didn't really have a choice after my father died, as she had to work to support us, and the hospital bills were hefty). Some of us can take to our beds for a week and then come out ready to go again (that one is very not me - I'd be so afraid that I'd never come out).
My stepfather, who lost his first wife to cancer, used routine to get through it. He had a chore scheduled for each day (nothing huge - laundry, ironing, weeding, bills, etc.) and set to it right after breakfast (which is why he had to get up and have breakfast, to start with). After lunch, he'd putter around and sometimes got absolutely nothing done. However, since he'd accomplished getting up and doing his one chore, that was OK.
A grief support group helped my neighbor a lot after she lost her daughter to cancer. And there's us, of course. Please share and don't apologize. I'm always glad to listen, and I'm sure the rest are also.0 -
thanks so much!!!!DrMary said:Thank You
for sharing - your husband sounds like a wonderful man and I am glad you were able to take a few moments and write about him.
You are right that the folks who are caring for you now do not know what it is like to lose a spouse. They might think that you will want them to clear out so you can have some time to yourself - this is not always the best thing. Is there any chance one of them could stay a bit longer?
Everyone has a different way of dealing after losing the love of their life. My mother always dealt with grief by keeping very, very busy (she didn't really have a choice after my father died, as she had to work to support us, and the hospital bills were hefty). Some of us can take to our beds for a week and then come out ready to go again (that one is very not me - I'd be so afraid that I'd never come out).
My stepfather, who lost his first wife to cancer, used routine to get through it. He had a chore scheduled for each day (nothing huge - laundry, ironing, weeding, bills, etc.) and set to it right after breakfast (which is why he had to get up and have breakfast, to start with). After lunch, he'd putter around and sometimes got absolutely nothing done. However, since he'd accomplished getting up and doing his one chore, that was OK.
A grief support group helped my neighbor a lot after she lost her daughter to cancer. And there's us, of course. Please share and don't apologize. I'm always glad to listen, and I'm sure the rest are also.
Whow this has been just like a bad bad dream! Just dropped one of my sisters off at the airport she is going back to Fl. My other sister is driving back to Ky. All my nieces and nephews are all back to Ky also. They are all gone. My husbands funeral was so so sad. He had a lot of people there that cared alot for him. We laid him to rest yesterday. I think he would have like a much less simple way to be laid to rest, but we did not plan ahead. So I just did the best that I could do. Just like the caring for him I did the very best that I could do for him. He just wanted to be home, he got that. He just went to sleep in his chair. Now it is just me and our cat. I don't know what I will do Tuesday. Tomorrow I already told every one that I was going to just stay in. I really don't know how I am going to handle this all. Just going to take one day at a time/ There is going to be a lot of things to settle, but not today. Good nite/ Sue0 -
drinkingDBL said:Drinking
I hope you got to a meeting as fast as u can. If u did It will be the best choice you ever made. If u did not u always have now .
Love & light
Donna
Hi everyone, Today is one week since my loving husband passed. What I did today is go to the bank and deposited a check to pay for my health ins. As everyone knows health ins is so important. Well now that my husband is no longer here, I have to thank of me and my health ins. Then I went to the sprint store and cancelled my cell phone. I know longer need 2 cell phones. I thought I would stay home today since everyone has left. But things change. I am so very sad today! I needed to take care of some business I guess that is the way my husband and I was, taking care of business. That is all we knew. So this is how I am handling things today. Everyone is different, not better not worse, This is all I know to do TODAY. LOVE, TO ALL THAT WENT THROUGH THE SAME AS ME!0 -
The Way We Honor Themsue5749 said:drinking
Hi everyone, Today is one week since my loving husband passed. What I did today is go to the bank and deposited a check to pay for my health ins. As everyone knows health ins is so important. Well now that my husband is no longer here, I have to thank of me and my health ins. Then I went to the sprint store and cancelled my cell phone. I know longer need 2 cell phones. I thought I would stay home today since everyone has left. But things change. I am so very sad today! I needed to take care of some business I guess that is the way my husband and I was, taking care of business. That is all we knew. So this is how I am handling things today. Everyone is different, not better not worse, This is all I know to do TODAY. LOVE, TO ALL THAT WENT THROUGH THE SAME AS ME!
We have so many ways to honor the memory of the loved ones we've lost, but continuing to do things the way you both used to is certainly one of them. I know I'd really have to push myself to take care of practical things the way you did - I'm sure he'd be very proud of you.
I hope your cat is a good one to hang out with - some folks like dogs for company, but I've found that life is never too dull with a cat around.
One day at a time works for more than AA - it's a good plan for getting through tough times. Remember that you are not alone - lots of long-distance hugs and supportive wishes here.0 -
Thinking of You and Sending Hugssue5749 said:drinking
Hi everyone, Today is one week since my loving husband passed. What I did today is go to the bank and deposited a check to pay for my health ins. As everyone knows health ins is so important. Well now that my husband is no longer here, I have to thank of me and my health ins. Then I went to the sprint store and cancelled my cell phone. I know longer need 2 cell phones. I thought I would stay home today since everyone has left. But things change. I am so very sad today! I needed to take care of some business I guess that is the way my husband and I was, taking care of business. That is all we knew. So this is how I am handling things today. Everyone is different, not better not worse, This is all I know to do TODAY. LOVE, TO ALL THAT WENT THROUGH THE SAME AS ME!
Hi Sue
Thanks for your update. Take it slow, take your time to grieve for days weeks months years! Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep up the good work, and know we are always here for you with a shoulder to lean on and ears to listen! Keep in touch.
Tina in Va0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.9K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 309 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 398 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.4K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 793 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 237 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 63 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.5K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 540 Sarcoma
- 732 Skin Cancer
- 653 Stomach Cancer
- 191 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.8K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards