My mom

bean_bubs_ma

My mom was diagnosed with Fallopian Tube cancer in 2008, the year I was planning my wedding and gave birth to my first daughter. She underwent a complete hysterectomy and chemo, a long 6 treatments worth, lost her hair, but tried to stay strong. Stayed cancer free for three years, then in 2011 was found to have enlarged nodes in her chest/abdomen region. Had surgery, and was informed she would have to undergo more chemo treatments, since the lumps had attached themselves to bone and they wanted to be sure they got everything. We are once again going through chemo but she now has some swelling in her upper thigh, is going in for a CT scan tonight, but because of her C numbers moving up and not down, she worries that the chemo isn't working. She may need surgery again, she may need a different type of chemo.

She asked me the other day "What if i die?"

That is why I am here. I just had baby #2, and I fear that even with the joy of my son, I could lose my mom. There are so many questions! Why did it come back? Is it a lymph node cancer now? What are we doing wrong? Why are "you" trying to take my mom away from me? I'm 30 years old, and not ready to say goodbye. I need her. I don't believe we have heard a timeframe of living, but I fear that day. I wish I could say I have the support of my husband, but being from a military background, I get empathy, but I have to stay strong for my kids, and there isn't a lot of consoling. I guess I just need someone to listen to me, usually my mom is my biggest support person, but I can't put more weight on her shoulders.

I usually always have an answer for my mom, this time I don't. And I don't know what to do.