Now What?!?

Hello,

I recently survived Primary Mediastinal B-Cell Lymphoma, my one year is February 22nd. I'm struggling with many issues during my recovery. One of them is having that "light bulb" moment after surviving. The moment when I realize what I was meant to do for the rest of my life, that will make me happy and make a difference in the world. I haven't had it, if anything I'm more lost then I was before! Is there anyone else out there experiencing this? Or something similar? Thank you for your time!

Stephanie

Comments

  • vinny59
    vinny59 Member Posts: 1,032
    same here
    Hi Stephanie, their is a lot of this feeling going around lately! I'm a two time survivor, and I got to tell you, I'm having a tough time with it. It is so normal to have these feelings, the only thing you can do is try to have "good" days. Enjoy being with family and friends more. I have a little trick that works for me, when I start feeling lost, I think of myself when I was in treatment, it doesn't take to long to realise that things are a hell of a lot better!!! The only thing we have control over, in having this terrible disease, is our state of mind. Wish you well Vinny
  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    Finding yourself again
    Hi Stephanie,

    I understand and definitely in the same boat. I very recently
    finished my chemo and doing well so far. I am still out
    on disability and that may continue for some time due to other
    issues. I'm still trying to figure out what to do in the long run.

    I'm working on a "refi" on my mortgage to make it affordable within
    my new income and looking at other options financially.
    I've discussed this "transition" with others I know who have been on
    disability for a long time. They all told me it was really tough
    adjusting to the new life style. I realize the disability scenario
    may not apply to you but the "adjustment" and finding yourself again
    does apply. You are not alone in this.

    As far as "making a difference", you don't have to do something huge -
    start small. Posting and offering support on this website is a good
    example. I started a recipe sharing project about a month ago
    because I saw a need for this after viewing several posts where
    people here were sharing recipes. It hasn't really taken off yet but
    I've had some good comments on the idea. I do this in my spare time
    and when I feel up to it.


    ♥ Recipe Sharing Project

    Good luck in figuring things out and keep us updated.

    Hugs,

    Jim
  • anliperez915
    anliperez915 Member Posts: 770
    Hi Stephanie
    Hi Stephanie,
    I know how you're feeling I recently graduated with a BA in Accounting and was looking for work when I found out I had NHL. I'm currently disabled, it just really frustrates me that after so many years of going to school I didn't even get a chance to work, and I haven't even started treatment yet. I'm on the watch and wait therapy because of other health issues. I just want to get on with my life. Sorry I'm suppose to be helping and I'm here venting, but I do have plans as soon as I get better maybe you can start small like Jim said make yourself some small goals that you can accomplish and build from their. When I was diagnosed I started to think of what I really wanted to do in life (its a normal feeling when we feel vulnerable) did I really wanted to be an accountant (no), so maybe I'll go back to school and really do what I like (in the future).
    Just do what you like and makes you feel better Stephanie nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Best wishes to you and I will keep you in my prayers.

    Sincerely,
    Liz
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    Light Bulb
    Hi Stephanie

    Cancer moved into my life in 1976. It's been on again and off again since then. Lately it seems stuck in the on position.

    As far as a light bulb moment goes, in my years of travel through cancer I have found that many do not have that instant moment. Instead it is a gradual, sometimes very gradual feeling. I think that is the way most folks are. For me the "feeling lost" comes and goes. On the days that it is in my face, I just try to put on foot in front of the other and keep going. It can be so hard to do.
    But on other days I am unaware of that feeling until it comes again. So I try to remind myself that there are days that I enjoy and feel good about. For me lately, it takes a bad /down day to remember that I didn't feel that way yesterday or when ever it was that things felt better.

    You are a new person, you lived through a unique experience that many never have. As the others who posted to you said, it takes time to find that calm, strength, sense of well being. I don't believe that this happens in an instant.
    As the saying goes "Rome wasn't built in a day"

    We are here to support you, you are not alone.

    Peaceful healing
    Lisha