Post Treatment Anxiety

bladerunner

I was 41 years old when I was diagnosed with Stage 2A Hodgkins Lymphoma. Needless to say, it was the worst thing I could have imagined. My mother died when she was 48 years old 18 years ago of metastasized breast cancer and I feel like I am headed in the same direction. I completed ABVD and radiation in December 2010 and have since had a PET scan and 2 CT scans that have come back clean. However, I just can't shake the fear/anxiety I have when it comes to recurrence. I have a beautiful family and just fear I won't be here to watch them grow up. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Mike

jimwins

Anxiety Monster
Hey Mike,

Welcome to the board!

Your anxiety is very normal and you are not alone.
I agree with what Sue has said also. I'm barely a month out
from completing chemo and I worry about it too.
I also realize that I "delayed" some of my reactions, etc. to get
me through the day to day during treatment and I'm dealing with some
of that now too. I also kind of don't have a clue as to what I want
to do next. Most everyone here goes through extreme anxiety around
the time of their next scans. Mine's not until February so I may
be reaching out shortly before then.

I haven't crossed the line to clinical depression but I'm thinking about
counseling to help me deal with the "new me". I just think it might help
me get through some of this hopefully faster and more thoroughly if that
makes sense. I definitely don't want to be my worst enemy and neither
do you .

Come here and share - it helps. Also, it helps when you can listen
to others and occasionally make them feel better too. Also, your
"fear monster" gets shrunk to a miniature squeeking "Tazmanian devil"
when you read what some people on this site have or are going through
- especially the caregivers.

I'll be honest. Sometimes I have to "walk away" when I'm reading stuff
here but the positives far outway the negatives. I've rarely seen so much
warmth, courage, non-judgemental support and caring as I've witnessed here.

We are all still processing everything. Realize you are human and fear is
natural in this circumstance. Try to work with it and not against it.
You have to go through it.

I'm happy that you've had clean scans so far and are doing well in that
context and I'm thankful too. I've been so fortunate so far in my journey
with cancer. It changes your life forever but my goal is to make the best
of it and grow from the experience even though I'm somewhat "clueless" at the
moment ☺.

To celebrate good results on scans/exams, we often send out a "happy dance"
notice. I'm slowly collecting a bunch of them as I know some of them
are getting old. Consider this "classic" one below for you:

Happy Dance Classic

Hugs and positive thoughts,

Jim
DX: DLBL 4/2011, Chemo completed 10/2011, currently in remission. ???
Members are sharing recipes!:
Recipe Sharing Project

allmost60

Anxiety
Hi Mike,
Believe me, you are not alone in your thinking. I finished my chemo(CVP-R) last Dec and it's always in the back of mind "when will it be back"? I have Follicular NHL-stage3-grade2-typeA and was told early on by my oncologist that it "WILL" come back. I'm doing Rituxan maint every other month for 2 years, which is suppose to help keep the cancer in check, but of course there are never any guarantees. The best way I know how to cope is to just live each day to it's fullest and keep as little stress in your life as possible. When my friends ask me how I feel knowing the cancer will eventually come back..I just say.."It is, what it is, and I have no control over it". The only thing I CAN control is how I think. I surround myself with happy positive people and spend my days doing things that bring joy into my life. Try to focus more on all of the good things that are happening in your life today....if you worry too much about tomorrow, you will miss out on today. Hang in there Mike and come back here when you need to vent or need someone to talk with. I'll keep positive thoughts and prayers that all will be fine for you. Sue FNHL-2-3A-6/10) age 61

bladerunner

jimwins said:

Anxiety Monster
Hey Mike,

Welcome to the board!

Your anxiety is very normal and you are not alone.
I agree with what Sue has said also. I'm barely a month out
from completing chemo and I worry about it too.
I also realize that I "delayed" some of my reactions, etc. to get
me through the day to day during treatment and I'm dealing with some
of that now too. I also kind of don't have a clue as to what I want
to do next. Most everyone here goes through extreme anxiety around
the time of their next scans. Mine's not until February so I may
be reaching out shortly before then.

I haven't crossed the line to clinical depression but I'm thinking about
counseling to help me deal with the "new me". I just think it might help
me get through some of this hopefully faster and more thoroughly if that
makes sense. I definitely don't want to be my worst enemy and neither
do you .

Come here and share - it helps. Also, it helps when you can listen
to others and occasionally make them feel better too. Also, your
"fear monster" gets shrunk to a miniature squeeking "Tazmanian devil"
when you read what some people on this site have or are going through
- especially the caregivers.

I'll be honest. Sometimes I have to "walk away" when I'm reading stuff
here but the positives far outway the negatives. I've rarely seen so much
warmth, courage, non-judgemental support and caring as I've witnessed here.

We are all still processing everything. Realize you are human and fear is
natural in this circumstance. Try to work with it and not against it.
You have to go through it.

I'm happy that you've had clean scans so far and are doing well in that
context and I'm thankful too. I've been so fortunate so far in my journey
with cancer. It changes your life forever but my goal is to make the best
of it and grow from the experience even though I'm somewhat "clueless" at the
moment ☺.

To celebrate good results on scans/exams, we often send out a "happy dance"
notice. I'm slowly collecting a bunch of them as I know some of them
are getting old. Consider this "classic" one below for you:

Happy Dance Classic

Hugs and positive thoughts,

Jim
DX: DLBL 4/2011, Chemo completed 10/2011, currently in remission. ???
Members are sharing recipes!:
Recipe Sharing Project

Anxiety Monster
Thank you Jim and Sue. I appreciate the kind words and your feedback.
I try to share my thoughts and feelings with those around me, but I don't think they can understand the ramifications of treatment and post/treatment like those who have gone through it such as yourselves. I try to remember I have only today, there is no guarantee for tomorrow, next month, next year, etc. I have to appreciate everyone and everything I have.
I will keep each of you in my thoughts going forward and wish you continued good health.
DX: NSHL 6/2010 Stage 2A, ABVD, radiation
11/2011 in remission