Disgusted With Life

I'm loosing the Only reason I have lived a life of trying to do the right thing. For as long as I can remember when growing up I didn't care much about anybody or anything.

Material things, money, the American dream...pffffftt, no desire for any of it. Didn't care about life in general.

She made me care, but all my caring is slipping away with her.

It's bad enough to watch a loved one deteriorate physically, but the diminishing mental ability just makes me angry as hell. When she looks at me with "I don't know whats happening" face or expression I want to scream and just tear something apart. My world is being destroyed and nothing will stop it.

I'm loosing my very heart.

Back to the cynic that didn't and won't care again after she's gone.



  • ddpekks
    ddpekks Member Posts: 162
    My heart goes out to you. I am glad you come here to express your feelings. I'm glad you are saying it out loud. I can only imagine the journey you are on and hope that someday you can find some peace in remembering the beauty of her as only you know her.

    Talk to her, love her, care for her and try to figure out what she would want for you after she is gone. If you think that she would be happy with you going back to your cynical ways, then by all means, do so. But if you think that she invested enough love and caring for you to start caring about living, then continue caring after she is gone. Honor her with a good life for yourself that is possible, though it does not seem so right now.

    With regards,
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    I know that look
    VV, I know that look. All of a sudden, my mother who was always so in control of everything can't remember what day it is or where we're going. Her face is puffy one hour and slack the next. It is so hard to watch.

    What will become of you? Well, we don't know. But we do know that your beloved wife will never endure the pain you are going through. Of this she is spared.

    Good luck with this day.