Please remember Ray (Jr.)

rose20

Again, I know I am not a spouse to one suffering from this disease (thank God!) but I am a sister who loves my brother very much and it pains me to see him this way. I know he does not belong to this site and I do feel that I am a misfit here but I know you are all going through this same cancer as he and I find some kind of outlet here. A place I can come and voice my feelings. Also, I know many of you believe in prayer and we all need prayer. I also know pain and suffering of the heart from the loss of my son, that pain never leaves, NEVER GOES AWAY.
So here I sit at the computer again asking you all for your prayers and support for my brother. I do pass along some of your postings and Kathy (Jr's wife) does read them.
The last I posted here Jr. was not doing good at all. I thought he had surely come to the end of this journey. I called Loretta (Loretta & Bill) and she prayed with me over the phone. It did not look good, but as I posted he gagged up some red stuff, that is the only way I know how to describe it, and since then he just seemed to bounce back and was finally able to eat more solid foods. And he felt so much more stronger being able to eat instead of just drinking.
The oncologist told him something was definitely clogged in there (but what was it in there?) and the acid from the Pepsi he sipped on was enough to break it up and bring it up.
Jr.'s blood work came back great again and he seemed to be doing so much better so he continues on with the chemo.
They did give him prednisone to take on the day he feels the worse from the effects of the chemo. But now Jr. seems to be relapsing again. He has been very weak and not eating. He has been very sleepy and started having more pain than he has been having. I guess the sleepiness is probably from medication he is probably on for the pain?
Our 90 year old mom lives here with us and she does not know of the pain Jr. is once again in. She just told me last night that she is hoping that the next pet scan will show that the cancer is gone. She asked me if the cancer Jr has is a bad cancer. I try to tell her the truth about this horrible disease but she closes her mind to it. How can a mother really accept the fact that her son may be dying. No matter how old you are or your children may be they are still your little kids in your eyes. This is her little boy and she is just believing this will all just vanish away.
Can any of you respond and give me your thoughts on this if this is good that Jr is continuing with chemo. I want him off but the oncologist keeps saying that his body is responding well to the chemo, it has not damaged any other parts of his body and his blood work is just beautiful.
How long can this go on and on. I mean I have read that chemo does hurt your body.
I can see why my brother does not want to stop because as the saying goes, why stop a good thing. He always gets nothing but great reports but yet he feels like this.
If he were to stop the chemo would the cancer just grow back and take over? And if he doesn't stop it will it keep the cancer at bay but yet zap every bit of life he has left in him?
I guess there are just many questions I have in my head that there just seems to be no answers to.
Has anyone else out there been where my brother is at? Taking chemo now for way over a year and always gets back great blood work but yet taking the life out of you?
How reliable is blood work?
Thanks for allowing me to be here to let out some of this.
Please remember the silent ones who may not be in the forefront but are fighting this horrible nightmare too.
Thank you.
My prayers are with you all, and I do mean that.

TerryV

I have no answers for you, Rose
....but wanted to offer my prayers of support and strength.

I hope Ray finds it possible to dig deep and find the path to feeling better again.

and don't you even think about feeling bad about being here! This is **exactly** where you should be. Everyone posting here has someone going through EC that they care very deeply about - whether it's self, spouse, parent, sibling or friend - and that surely defines you and Ray,Jr. You are one of us, Rose. Don't think otherwise....

Prayers are with you!

Terry

Ericalynn

TerryV said:

I have no answers for you, Rose
....but wanted to offer my prayers of support and strength.

I hope Ray finds it possible to dig deep and find the path to feeling better again.

and don't you even think about feeling bad about being here! This is **exactly** where you should be. Everyone posting here has someone going through EC that they care very deeply about - whether it's self, spouse, parent, sibling or friend - and that surely defines you and Ray,Jr. You are one of us, Rose. Don't think otherwise....

Prayers are with you!

Terry

You are right where you should be
Rose,
I agree with Terry, you belong here with us. Again it does not matter how you are related to someone that is suffering from this horrible disease. We here on this board know how you feel and we feel each others pain and sorrows also joy and happiness. We all love someone with EC and through this board we have all meet and now love the members here and their family too. I wish I could say or do something to make it better but all I can do is tell you that You, Ray & Kathy are in all of our prayers.
Love to you all
Erica

BMGky

Your post is well spoken.
Your post is well spoken. We all are praying for your brother and your family. I particularly like your comment: "Please remember the silent ones who may not be in the forefront but are fighting this horrible nightmare, too." That is so true. Hope our posts are helpful to all.

You definitely belong here and are a member of this little band of fighters. BMGky

chemosmoker

A LOT to think about!!
Rose,
As Terry said, you belong here as much as I do.

I am NOT doing ANY chemo,never have, nor will I.
They gave me 4-6 months to live well over 4-6 months ago now so you will see where I come from on the chemo issue.

I do not think chemo is the only choice or option or always the right thing to do.

As you clearly started, his blood work is great but what does that mean with NO quality of life?

My blood work is not bad My WBC is high and my RBC is a little low, but so what. I'm happy, and other than the tumor/cancer pain that the pills manage well, what do I need to poison myself with chemotherapy for? They can NOT tell me it will add time or do much good or extend my life one iota. I am months into feeling pretty good.
We arrived in sunny Florida last night. While the car ride was HELL and I am still recovering physical from that, I am here where I wanted to be all along, I will have sand in my toes and sun on my back and I am going to live as long as I can HAPPY and full of JOY and true love for life with my incredible wife.

These are decisions HE must make, you can talk to him, offer him thoughts, but do not sway him or persuade him. HE must be the one to decide to do chemo, or not. Period. That much I know for a fact-or there WILL be problems and resentments.

Best of luck to you. DON'T LURK-POST!!
Tell us what he is doing and how he is doing and keep posting and let us know what happens.

By the way, what have they promised him? What are his odds, what are they saying the chemo will give him or how long? Tell us more information about that part!

Also, where is he being treated and how does HE feel about it??


God bless and best wishes, as you Ray and Kathy are ALL in my prayers, too...
Eric

cher76

Prayers for Ray Jr.
Rose,
Please know that I keep Ray Jr and your entire family in my prayers. You certainly belong on this board. Believe me it is not an "exclusive" club, we accept everyone. By reading and sharing here we help each other in so many ways. I have learned so much about this cancer here as well as different treatments and drugs and cancer centers that I otherwise would not have known about. I tell everyone I know about this site and all the discussion boards for different cancers that are found here. If I had not "happened" upon it I never would have known it was available, so I try to spread the word to others.
As for chemo, that is a very personal choice. My husband has a determination and drive to live, and has proven he can withstand quite a bit. Two weeks ago when the doctor asked him if he wanted to continue he gave a resounding "yes". He still has goals he wants to achieve. They may not be grandiose things, but to someone with terminal cancer they are goals none the less. He wants desperately to watch our two granddaughters grow older ( they are 2 and 5), he would love to be able to walk our daughters down the aisle someday, he has many things he still wants to teach our son about our business, and he wants us to take one more vacation somewhere. But for now his short term goal is to make it to Christmas. If he feels he can withstand the pain and everything else that goes with chemo in order to get closer to those goals, who am I to tell him otherwise. I sometimes think, ok, what happens if he stops... he will surely die, and how will that be any different than if he dies while still on chemo? From the stories I have heard I don't think it will be different, just sooner. People who elect to stop chemo or never start have pain and suffering too. So no one, except the person facing a terminal diagnosis every day, can begin to understand what it is like to go through this, not even the ones they are closest to. As I said it is a very personal choice and each should be able to make their choice without judgement from others.
Rickie just completed 10 radiation treatments to his brain this past week, and he is doing well. He is still using a walker a little, but walks on his own around the house. Except for the pain from the bone mets, he is feeling fairly well. I do believe in the power of prayer and good doctors, and know both have had a big hand in Rickie surviving this long. Everyday I thank God for my husband being so stubborn!

mardigras

Prayers and a big Hug Rose
I don't have much to add to the comments of the people here who have much more knowledge than me, but please know that my prayers are with you and I feel for you.
The people on this site all have the best intentions for their loved ones, whoever they are. Your place is here with us learning as you go along, like me and hoping that we will one day be able to support others like so many of the posters do.
Take heart Rose and know that everyone is rooting for you.
Prayers and hugs
Marci x

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