cancer door

madsters1

Hi all, I'm afraid this one's a bit of a vent. Has anyone discovered that with their diagnosis came a "cancer door" or window? What I am referring to and am discovering is that MY business is no longer my choice as to with who, what details,when, or where it is shared. Because I knew no better, of course every step is brand new, I told people. Now I, my body (breasts),my decisions, procedures and( I think the color of my underwear are everyone's business. I had privacy rights in every other area of my life before. Now that I'm walking through the hardest and most vulnerable place in my life, it's suddenly okay for everyone to know and discuss outside of my presence. I'm not saying it's being done maliciously at all. If they want to know ANYTHING about me, that includes treatment decisions, options, procedures etc ...ask ME. Hello..ask the owner of "the house" about the "house". It's NO ONE'S right to know if I have a foreign object (port) in my chest!! A port is not what this is about, but just a small part of what I'm talking about. Come on people! Disease is not an invitaion for you to know any more of my business than you knew before unless I CHOOSE to disclose it. Anyone relate?

mamolady

I had that issue a bit
I had that issue a bit during the diagnosis part because I work with everyone in the mammo department. I had to remind them about HIPPA. The bad part was that my daughter didn't know yet so I didn't want the whole world to know before she did. I don't think people realize that this is your breast they are just gabbing about and that maybe you don't want everyone talking about it. Now though, I don't know that it matters so much. If people ask, I probably give them more information than they want.

Don't know that I helped but you are not alone,
Cindy

Lynn Smith

mamolady said:

I had that issue a bit
I had that issue a bit during the diagnosis part because I work with everyone in the mammo department. I had to remind them about HIPPA. The bad part was that my daughter didn't know yet so I didn't want the whole world to know before she did. I don't think people realize that this is your breast they are just gabbing about and that maybe you don't want everyone talking about it. Now though, I don't know that it matters so much. If people ask, I probably give them more information than they want.

Don't know that I helped but you are not alone,
Cindy

In the beginning
In the beginning I talked to people about my cancer.Telling them non invasive and a small tumor.Not even a centimeter.I decded to quit some community service I had been doing for almost 11 years and soon the word was out "I am not doing good".I went back to the community service and got many hugs.People said they were so concerned about my health.I always wore my pink bracelet everywhere I went. I didn't mind but suddenly I see people thinking once we have the disease it won't be long.We struggle every day then people on the outside have their feelings about our health.And ussually they think the worst and spread it.

I no longer wear my pink bracelet. Yesterday I saw a lady with a pink sweatshirt that said Think Pink.I wanted to ask her if she was a survivor but backed off asking. I am now very very personal about my life. My husband knew I had a new tumor in July.My doctor put it off longer than it should've been. My husband never seemed to question when the tumor was coming out.So when I finally got my date for a needle biopsy I asked my friend to go with me.Then came home and told my husband. I am becoming very private about my health.

I had a lumpectomy but I know someday it may lead to a masectomy.Since this problem with people I stay to myself.Nobodys business anymore.Just something for them to talk about.I still get people come up and ask me "How are you"?.I say "Fine" and they come back saying "ARE you sure"????


Lynn Smith

madsters1

Lynn Smith said:

In the beginning
In the beginning I talked to people about my cancer.Telling them non invasive and a small tumor.Not even a centimeter.I decded to quit some community service I had been doing for almost 11 years and soon the word was out "I am not doing good".I went back to the community service and got many hugs.People said they were so concerned about my health.I always wore my pink bracelet everywhere I went. I didn't mind but suddenly I see people thinking once we have the disease it won't be long.We struggle every day then people on the outside have their feelings about our health.And ussually they think the worst and spread it.

I no longer wear my pink bracelet. Yesterday I saw a lady with a pink sweatshirt that said Think Pink.I wanted to ask her if she was a survivor but backed off asking. I am now very very personal about my life. My husband knew I had a new tumor in July.My doctor put it off longer than it should've been. My husband never seemed to question when the tumor was coming out.So when I finally got my date for a needle biopsy I asked my friend to go with me.Then came home and told my husband. I am becoming very private about my health.

I had a lumpectomy but I know someday it may lead to a masectomy.Since this problem with people I stay to myself.Nobodys business anymore.Just something for them to talk about.I still get people come up and ask me "How are you"?.I say "Fine" and they come back saying "ARE you sure"????


Lynn Smith

in the beginning..
Hind site truly is twenty twenty. With a new, shocking dx, ya tell everyone!! Now, I'm definately pulling back and guarding my privacy. Cancer is truly an invasion in all ways.

MAJW

madsters1 said:

in the beginning..
Hind site truly is twenty twenty. With a new, shocking dx, ya tell everyone!! Now, I'm definately pulling back and guarding my privacy. Cancer is truly an invasion in all ways.

Standard replies...
I have a few standard replies to questions....But it depends on the person that's asking....for my close, cherished friends, I am always up front and honest with what's going on...because I know they really care...for the nosy one's they get a different answer...for those, when they ask. "How are you?" I reply "Above ground, that's always a good thing"....that tends to end the conversation..... then there's the " oh you look so good, you don't even look sick"......my reply, " Looks can be deceiving"... This is my second go round and over the past two and a half years, I,like most of us, could write a book on the stupid, insensitive things people say...and people will talk, you can't stop them.... But...you can control how you react to them...if you don't want to share what is going on, simply tell them you'd rather not discuss your health...and change the subject or walk away...I've learned it doesn't matter what others say....I am not wasting my time or energy on people who aren't an important part of my life....life's too short!

This is a great place to vent....we get it!
Hugs,Nancy

Lynn Smith

MAJW said:

Standard replies...
I have a few standard replies to questions....But it depends on the person that's asking....for my close, cherished friends, I am always up front and honest with what's going on...because I know they really care...for the nosy one's they get a different answer...for those, when they ask. "How are you?" I reply "Above ground, that's always a good thing"....that tends to end the conversation..... then there's the " oh you look so good, you don't even look sick"......my reply, " Looks can be deceiving"... This is my second go round and over the past two and a half years, I,like most of us, could write a book on the stupid, insensitive things people say...and people will talk, you can't stop them.... But...you can control how you react to them...if you don't want to share what is going on, simply tell them you'd rather not discuss your health...and change the subject or walk away...I've learned it doesn't matter what others say....I am not wasting my time or energy on people who aren't an important part of my life....life's too short!

This is a great place to vent....we get it!
Hugs,Nancy

Madsters1
Sounds like you and I are no longer discussing it.The beginning we thought we could but not now.I guess it is the newness but IMO I wish now I never told anyone but those very very close.Just a couple close friends and family.Those who havent been through it don't understand.If they had they wouldn't say the hurtful things or would they??? As time goes on I don't know people like I thought I did. I don't feel they are trusting is what I mean. I actually do my best to ignore them.Even going the other way if I see them.

MAJW.You're Right we get it and we need to stay away from those who don't.


Lynn Smith