Daughter teased at school because a girl showed everyone a picture of me bald from last year :(
Heatherbelle
Member Posts: 1,226 Member
Hi everyone. Sharing something that happened to my 10 year old daughter yesterday. For some of you who may not know me, I was diagnosed with IDC stage 2 last year at age 34, and 2 months after my diagnosis my mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer. I have a 10 year old and a 3 year old daughter. My oldest daughter Camryn is my biggest little supporter. She gets involved with the walks, she and I are on the planning committee for Relay for Life, she has done speeches and interviews, and is turning into quite the little activist.
She is in 5th grade, and in my city, middle school is grade 5-8, so she is at a new school this year. However, there is a girl named Hannah who has gone to school with her since 2nd grade, and this girl has bullied and harrased and picked on Camryn since then. At their elementary school, it got so far as Hannah being kicked out of choir, and moved to a different class because she kept starting problems with my daughter. They have many same friends, and this girl seems to have it out for Camryn for some reason. I thought the problems were over when they got to the new school but I guess I was wrong. The girls only have orchestra class together, and she sits across from Camryn and flips her off, makes nasty faces at her, and mouths the word "****" to her all the time. Cam has learned to ignore this child. They both are in choir after school, and ride the same activity bus home. Yesterday as I was literally headed out the door to go to the gym, Camryn got off the bus hysterical in tears. This girl started picking on her yesterday on the way home. She is mad because Camryn won't accept her facebook friend request (camryn actually blocked her so she can't send her messages anymore). This girl looked up myself and my husband on there, and told all the kids on the bus, "The reason why Camryn's mom looks so young in her pictures is because she's a hooker and had Camryn when she was 13" - neither of which are true, btw, I was actually 26 when I had her and if I was a hooker I'd at least drive a much nicer car & be able to afford lipo for my extra chub I'm carrying around....then she pulled up facebook on her cell phone, and got one of my pictures that I have from when I was bald during chemo. She showed it to all the kids on the bus, and started teasing Camryn about me being bald.
Now, Camryn is very involved in activism like I said, but she has only told her few closest friends about my & my mom's cancer. She doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with most people except for me, and the counselor that she's been seeing ever since my mom was diagnosed last year. She's very sensitive about it. What this little kid did and said to my daughter has got me furious. I know that kids will be kids & tease one another, but to say the nasty things she did about me, and then tease my child about her mom having cancer & being bald? That's just crossing the line.
I don't have any contact information for her and I don't believe they have a phone at their house, so I sent her dad a message on facebook about it. I was calm, didn't curse (and for those of you who know me know what a feat that was), didn't threaten, jsut explained to him that his kid has been harassing mine for almost 3 years now, and that it's gone too far, and that i'm taking it to school and the transportation dept because they ride the activity bus home together on tues, wed, and thurs. I also copied the message that i sent the dad, to the little girl.
We were at the school at least 6 times during the last school year because of problems with this girl, and several times the previous year as well. We've filled out the "bully reports", the girl has been suspended, kicked out of after school activities, and off the activity bus at their old school. I just don't know what her problem is with my daughter - i'm not saying she's a saint but Camryn has always been friends with EVERYone in her class. She sticks up for kids being picked on, she's outgoing, funny, but one thing she does not do is pick on other kids for any reason. She stuck up for my friend's son who is autistic last year when he was getting picked on, she spoke up when one of her friends was using the term "that's so gay", about how that's not nice, she spoke out when a boy called another boy a "****" in class a few weeks ago, sure she can be snotty to her parents but she's a good, respectful kid, and treats others with kindness, and I have no idea why this girl has singled her out and keeps getting more mean and aggressive.
I'm going to speak to someone at the school this afternoon, and also the transportation department. I haven't heard back from the girl's dad yet, and am really not expecting to hear back from him. I want to have this all on record with the school because really, the next step is going to have to be a restraining order or something, because it's like this girl is fixated on Camryn and i will NOT have my daughter afraid to go to school, and want to quit her after school activities, she is in show choir and acting classes after school and she LOVES it, as well as orchestra class which is the only class she has with this girl, and she should be able to enjoy her classes and be able to concentrate on learning at school, instead of being sad, scared, and anxious. Uggh I don't understand how a kid could even go that far like this one did....
Thanks for listening to me vent, I'll update you on what happens with everything.
xoxo
Heather
She is in 5th grade, and in my city, middle school is grade 5-8, so she is at a new school this year. However, there is a girl named Hannah who has gone to school with her since 2nd grade, and this girl has bullied and harrased and picked on Camryn since then. At their elementary school, it got so far as Hannah being kicked out of choir, and moved to a different class because she kept starting problems with my daughter. They have many same friends, and this girl seems to have it out for Camryn for some reason. I thought the problems were over when they got to the new school but I guess I was wrong. The girls only have orchestra class together, and she sits across from Camryn and flips her off, makes nasty faces at her, and mouths the word "****" to her all the time. Cam has learned to ignore this child. They both are in choir after school, and ride the same activity bus home. Yesterday as I was literally headed out the door to go to the gym, Camryn got off the bus hysterical in tears. This girl started picking on her yesterday on the way home. She is mad because Camryn won't accept her facebook friend request (camryn actually blocked her so she can't send her messages anymore). This girl looked up myself and my husband on there, and told all the kids on the bus, "The reason why Camryn's mom looks so young in her pictures is because she's a hooker and had Camryn when she was 13" - neither of which are true, btw, I was actually 26 when I had her and if I was a hooker I'd at least drive a much nicer car & be able to afford lipo for my extra chub I'm carrying around....then she pulled up facebook on her cell phone, and got one of my pictures that I have from when I was bald during chemo. She showed it to all the kids on the bus, and started teasing Camryn about me being bald.
Now, Camryn is very involved in activism like I said, but she has only told her few closest friends about my & my mom's cancer. She doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with most people except for me, and the counselor that she's been seeing ever since my mom was diagnosed last year. She's very sensitive about it. What this little kid did and said to my daughter has got me furious. I know that kids will be kids & tease one another, but to say the nasty things she did about me, and then tease my child about her mom having cancer & being bald? That's just crossing the line.
I don't have any contact information for her and I don't believe they have a phone at their house, so I sent her dad a message on facebook about it. I was calm, didn't curse (and for those of you who know me know what a feat that was), didn't threaten, jsut explained to him that his kid has been harassing mine for almost 3 years now, and that it's gone too far, and that i'm taking it to school and the transportation dept because they ride the activity bus home together on tues, wed, and thurs. I also copied the message that i sent the dad, to the little girl.
We were at the school at least 6 times during the last school year because of problems with this girl, and several times the previous year as well. We've filled out the "bully reports", the girl has been suspended, kicked out of after school activities, and off the activity bus at their old school. I just don't know what her problem is with my daughter - i'm not saying she's a saint but Camryn has always been friends with EVERYone in her class. She sticks up for kids being picked on, she's outgoing, funny, but one thing she does not do is pick on other kids for any reason. She stuck up for my friend's son who is autistic last year when he was getting picked on, she spoke up when one of her friends was using the term "that's so gay", about how that's not nice, she spoke out when a boy called another boy a "****" in class a few weeks ago, sure she can be snotty to her parents but she's a good, respectful kid, and treats others with kindness, and I have no idea why this girl has singled her out and keeps getting more mean and aggressive.
I'm going to speak to someone at the school this afternoon, and also the transportation department. I haven't heard back from the girl's dad yet, and am really not expecting to hear back from him. I want to have this all on record with the school because really, the next step is going to have to be a restraining order or something, because it's like this girl is fixated on Camryn and i will NOT have my daughter afraid to go to school, and want to quit her after school activities, she is in show choir and acting classes after school and she LOVES it, as well as orchestra class which is the only class she has with this girl, and she should be able to enjoy her classes and be able to concentrate on learning at school, instead of being sad, scared, and anxious. Uggh I don't understand how a kid could even go that far like this one did....
Thanks for listening to me vent, I'll update you on what happens with everything.
xoxo
Heather
0
Comments
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My heart bleeds for your daughter
I know that girls are mean and my daughter had her battles thru her growing up years, but this is unbelievable! It would seem this girl has no idea of right and wrong since she continues to create these horrible situations and doesn't know how to stop bullying.
I am afraid there is no easy answer, but want to express my support for you and your daughter.
Keep us posted,
Jennifer0 -
Wow
What a horrible thing for your daughter to have to deal with. I know middle school seems to bring out the worst in some girls, but this is ridiculous. You're probably right about not hearing from the dad, but you do need to set up a meeting with the school and be sure to bluntly (I know that's tough for you : ) )that you have every intention of getting a restraining order or taking it as far as you need to take it.
I'm sure this girl is jealous of Camryn because of all those things that she does and is involved in etc, but THAT IS NO EXCUSE and don't let them tell you it is. I had that experience when my oldest granddaughter was in middle school. I went in on a state testing day and refused to leave (told them I had a soda, a book and I wasn't moving) until I spoke with someone since a girl with a police record already had threatened to fight my granddaughter and this girl had already put someone else in the hospital. My granddaughter had the head of security at the school subtly following her around school for weeks after I told him I'd come after him if my granddaughter got hurt.
I'm sure you'll go down there and get at least the response I did since you're a very straightforward type girl, but I am sorry that you all have to go through this because it does tend to make school less fun.
Let us know how things go.
marge0 -
Heather,
You may want to
Heather,
You may want to consider contacting the local law enforcement. Parents may not take it seriously with just the school involved. They will if you call the police. Your daughter should be able to attend school with out being traumatized.
It is sad that other kids would tease her too. Just give her hugs from all of us that know the other girl is wrong and shouldn't be so awful and mean to people.
Cindy0 -
Bullying
Heather, that is an absolutely awful story. What a horrid thing for your daughter to have to go through. Up to this point it sounds to me like you are being a good advocate for your daughter (and btw I DO have a law degree). You have put Hannah's parent(s) on notice that there is a serious issue between the two girls. You have put the school district on notice of the same problems. Legally speaking you have to give them an opportunity to intervene/correct the problem. You should make sure that the district superintendent, school principal, transportation director, orchestra class teacher, show choir director and acting class teacher all receive WRITTEN (via Certified Mail) notice of the problem in addition to any in person meetings you may have. Keep a file on all interactions, calls,and letters generated because of this. Most school districts take allegations of bullying very seriously now. As to getting local law enforcement involved, you have the right to file a police report but from what you posted I do not think there has been any criminal activity - yet. Getting a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) or an Order to Show Cause is probably a good idea. You do not necessarily need an attorney for that either. It just depends on how comfortable you are with these things. This makes me angry to even think about. Great parenting on the other side (NOT!) I would be mortified if someone contacted me about this type of behavior from either one of my children (who are now 21 and 19). PLEASE keep up posted.
IRENE0 -
so sorry kids and adults can
so sorry kids and adults can be very cruel (one of my daughters friends said to her I CAN"T wait until you mom loses her hair-I did not have chemo so his wish did not come true)
I HOPE YOU keep a log of each time you call, write or go in to the school. (LOGS always help)
I told my then 12 yr old that it didn't hurt my feelings and not to let it hurt hers. Sorry she and you are both going through this...IS there a social worker within your school? any support groups for kids of cancer parents?
Denise0 -
Bullying x2jessiesmom1 said:Bullying
Heather, that is an absolutely awful story. What a horrid thing for your daughter to have to go through. Up to this point it sounds to me like you are being a good advocate for your daughter (and btw I DO have a law degree). You have put Hannah's parent(s) on notice that there is a serious issue between the two girls. You have put the school district on notice of the same problems. Legally speaking you have to give them an opportunity to intervene/correct the problem. You should make sure that the district superintendent, school principal, transportation director, orchestra class teacher, show choir director and acting class teacher all receive WRITTEN (via Certified Mail) notice of the problem in addition to any in person meetings you may have. Keep a file on all interactions, calls,and letters generated because of this. Most school districts take allegations of bullying very seriously now. As to getting local law enforcement involved, you have the right to file a police report but from what you posted I do not think there has been any criminal activity - yet. Getting a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) or an Order to Show Cause is probably a good idea. You do not necessarily need an attorney for that either. It just depends on how comfortable you are with these things. This makes me angry to even think about. Great parenting on the other side (NOT!) I would be mortified if someone contacted me about this type of behavior from either one of my children (who are now 21 and 19). PLEASE keep up posted.
IRENE
Totally agree here with jessiesmom in regard to the certified letters and what to do. Lots of good advice there.
Schools are taking bullying more seriously now and as you've fought your battle so valiantly fight on behalf of your daughter, which you're doing! Totally agree too that she needs an outlet to talk about it with her therapist or some kind of support group. Look for signs of depression and withdrawal from her ... just keep a watchful eye on her. Block the bully from YOUR facebook and your husband's facebook and you might want to set your privacy settings on fb to 'friends only' just for the future.
This is extreme but is it possible to move her to another school so she doesn't have to have contact with this mean girl?
Agree as well with the other posters about getting a school social worker involved. This is serious business and needs to STOP now whether getting the police involved, the superintendent ... whatever but pull out the big guns because should NEVER happen and it is cruel and absolutely should be stopped.
Keep fighting! Praying for both you and your daughter.
Blessings and love,
dh0 -
Heather I am so sorry to
Heather I am so sorry to hear Camryn is having to go through this nonsense. Hannah needs to be checked IMMEDIATELY! The school needs to haul Hannah's butt into the principal's office and hold her accountable for her poor actions. Her parents need to be contacted and told of their daughter's bullying behavior. It does sound like you have tried with the administration. My suggestion, if you don't mind me giving, is to go higher up. Let the school board know how Camryn's school is FAILING to provide a SAFE and NURTURING environment for Camryn and fellow students. This girl has been harassing Camryn for far too long.
Are Hannah's parents even aware how badly their daughter is behaving? Incredible! Keep knocking on the proverbial door until they open up take care of the situation.
Hugs to you and yours, Heather.
Ines
PS Heather you should be proud of Camryn because she has a strong moral compass and isn't afraid to speak up when others are being teased. Hooray for Camryn!0 -
this just
Infuriates me... sorry for butting in.. (I mostly hang on the ovarian/uterine boards) .. This is totally not right and unacceptable. I agree, don't let it rest. Take it to the top.. this kid has some issues and she needs to straighten up asap Her and her parents need to be held accountable.... or kick her arse out of school once and for all.. Make her mom or Dad come and sit in class with her for a whole day.. I bet that would straighten her up good. Your daughter sounds like a strong, intelligent kid . But no kid should have to tolerate this and I don't want to hear that Cr*p about 'Oh they need to find their own way, solve their own problems, fight their own battles" BS.. we adults wouldn't put up with half this stuff. we'd be marching to HR dept or calling the cops etc... kids shouldn't have to either.0 -
Bullying law
I am a teacher and with the new bullying law in place your child's school has to take this seriously and do something or they will be held liable. I know at my school bullying gets immediate attention and is not tolerated at all. We even had to sit through training for how to handle what is bullying, exactly what to say to kids that report bullying etc. What is being done to your daughter is terrible and if the school doesn't do anything I would go to the police as someone else had stated. It is devastating to the person on the receiving end and does affect their self-esteem no matter how healthy they are in that area. I would say the bully has a dysfunctional family at the least.0 -
Anti Bullying is very big in the schools these days
Our schools had asssemblies on it just last week. I don't think it's important WHY she is doing it, there is no excuse. A 5th grader should know not to laugh about a cancer patient. The school definetly needs to get involved. If they don't do enough contact law inforcement and if that doesn't work, get a lawyer (you might be able to get some sort of pro bono situation) and sue the parents for infringing on your daughter's rights.0 -
bullying
In mental health we have a saying. "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen." So start documenting this most recent bullying incident and any future ones. Note the time and date that the school was notified and what is thier proposed course of action.
You may also have the right to get the dates of other bullying incidents from the school and the actions they took as the results of your report of bullying. By asking for such documentation you let the school know you mean businness I would ask for these record keeping so that you can bring it to a lawyer's office or perhaps legal aid society. If you cannot get it from them I'd be willing to bet a lawyer can.0 -
Heather, I am so sorry thatCindy Bear said:this just
Infuriates me... sorry for butting in.. (I mostly hang on the ovarian/uterine boards) .. This is totally not right and unacceptable. I agree, don't let it rest. Take it to the top.. this kid has some issues and she needs to straighten up asap Her and her parents need to be held accountable.... or kick her arse out of school once and for all.. Make her mom or Dad come and sit in class with her for a whole day.. I bet that would straighten her up good. Your daughter sounds like a strong, intelligent kid . But no kid should have to tolerate this and I don't want to hear that Cr*p about 'Oh they need to find their own way, solve their own problems, fight their own battles" BS.. we adults wouldn't put up with half this stuff. we'd be marching to HR dept or calling the cops etc... kids shouldn't have to either.
Heather, I am so sorry that your daughter is going thru this. You've got good advice from the pink sisters and know that we are all here supporting you and your daughter!
Hugs, Leeza0 -
Heather,laughs_a_lot said:bullying
In mental health we have a saying. "If it isn't documented, it didn't happen." So start documenting this most recent bullying incident and any future ones. Note the time and date that the school was notified and what is thier proposed course of action.
You may also have the right to get the dates of other bullying incidents from the school and the actions they took as the results of your report of bullying. By asking for such documentation you let the school know you mean businness I would ask for these record keeping so that you can bring it to a lawyer's office or perhaps legal aid society. If you cannot get it from them I'd be willing to bet a lawyer can.
First of all let me
Heather,
First of all let me say I am so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. It is just horrible. I know kids can be cruel but this girl has been doing it for too long and usually bully's move on to another target.
You are doing the right thing in documenting every single time she does this. Also, I would get the police involved as well, just let them know that you would like it documented (I assume there hasn't been any physical contact) because that would be another matter.
My 3 girls are all grown now, but I had a few problems with bully's and let me tell you, I never let them slide. I used to go directly to the Principle and if it wasn't solved by him, then I went to the police. I found that if you get the police involved or the court's ( ie. restraining order) even the worst parents tend to get involved at that point.
I hate to say it, but if she's been punished by the school before, like you say, it sounds like she doesn't have a lot of parental support if she continues to do it.
Good luck and I know you don't need me to tell you, but BE TOUGH!!! Just be careful of language ( and I know you already did) but my anger can lead to some bad language too and I've learned through the years (I'm old)
that it only makes us look worse than the real problem.
Please let us know!
Big Hugs to you both.
Wanda0 -
checking back in ...I HOPE
checking back in ...I HOPE Things have calmed down for your daughter...
Denise0 -
Thanks you guys! I get sobeachmom said:How did it turn out?
Hi Heather,
Did you get the school and or district to take notice of what has been going on? I hope so! Bullying should not and can not be tolerated. I feel terrible for your daughter. She sounds like a wonderful young lady!
Hugs
)
Keely
Thanks you guys! I get so busy & am always getting into new things in life that I forget about things! As far as the situation between Camryn and this girl, the girl was punished at school, and her dad spoke to my husband about the situation at their school open house a few weeks back. She was leaving Cam alone for the most part, but yesterday afterchool she said the girl got caught writing stuff about her (my daughter) on the bathroom wall. And the girl started a fight with one of Camryn's friends at lunch yesterday and got in trouble for that. I really think this child has some mental issues, where she's always acting up to get attention, and I don't think she gets much at home.
Camryn has a wonderful teacher this year who is really involving herself in the situation (the other girl isn't in her class)and trying to stay on top of the situation to prevent anything else happening.
*hugs*
heather0 -
time to hire a lawyer
I think you need to contact a lawyer, because the school really seems to be dragging on this one..you did say the girl was suspended, etc. but is the "bully" in any kind of counseling? she is in serious trouble as a human being, but she cannot be your worry..you do not have to put up with this behavior~let the school know that your next move is to consult with your lawyer...watch how fast they put an end to this...there is really a big problem if this has been going on for 3 years...enough is enough, you need to step in and help your daughter, and talk of a lawyer always helps...let them know you are prepared to take this to the next level...so much has hit the news these days about schools not taking this responsibility seriously enough that they don't want to be in the news....believe me...you need the principal, the school counselar and your lawyer all in the same room at the same time....this needs to end now~the other child can be forced to be taken out of school and put on home schooling~ check with your district school~go above your principals head if you have to , to the superintendent of schools, what state are you in? Sorry now I have gone on and on...but a 10 year old needs a defender, and needs one now...get your daughter a free lawyer....if you do not have the funds.....but don't delay this any longer...you have enough stress on your plate as it is...get some help with this one...Sinee0
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