Being prepared

eibod Member Posts: 160
Hubby is still in the hospital for complications. Last week someone asked me if I was
"prepared" for what was going to eventually happen. How do you prepare? I have thought about this question a lot in the last few days. I have gotten so confused in the last two years, he has been so very ill that I thought he would only have a few days or weeks, then he would snap back, then bad again, then snap back. Is it possible that I actually am thinking that this really will not happen? I have tried to prepare with wills updated, living wills etc. (paperwork) But how do you prepare to lose the person you have shared a life with for 42 years. How do you prepare to be alone? Everyone says "I am here if you need me". But there is no substitution. I wish I had not been asked that question, I was doing better being in a fog.....


  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    eibod -

    Preparing the "paperwork", making out wills, living wills,
    power of attorney, etc etc, are all the things we all should
    have taken care of when we first married, or became "of age".

    Preparing yourself emotionally to meet the death of yourself
    or your loved one, can't be done.

    We can face the odds for survival, and face the reality of
    the circumstances, but we simply cannot accept that death
    will come, until it comes. Even after death, we remain with
    the hope that it is not real; that somehow there was a mistake.

    It's not easy to accept death, and there's no need to try, since
    not one of us can tell in advance when a life will stop.

    Keep hoping for another tomorrow; try to make every today
    the best you can, so you can be thankful for each yesterday.

    May there be many, many yesterdays!

    Be well....

  • buckeye2
    buckeye2 Member Posts: 428 Member
    I think the question asked
    I think the question asked to you was an inconsiderate one. There is no way to prepare for losing the love of your life. Right now you need to focus all your energies on preparing to live with this disease. I find that others sometimes see our situation as black and white but the reality is that the journey is mostly gray. Lisa
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Being Prepared
    That's a delicate question to ask. I think some of it depends on who asked it. Only you know if they are that close to you and your husband to ask that. While I don't think anyone can really be prepared for the lose of a loved one, there are many people who leave for work in the morning and never make it home at night due to some accident. Being someone who has cancer and is much more aware of my mortality than I was pre-cancer, I've had the chance to say most of what I want to say to those who mean the most to me.
    It's a tough thing that we all have to face at some point, cancer or no cancer. I know that doesn't change how you feel about it but I thought my opinion might show another side of it.
    I hope your husband gets through the complications in good health and gets back home with you soon.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Don't think you could ever be prepared. Think about all those lost on 9/11 they never had the chance to make sure their will was done, or update things, or say an extra "love you" or an extra touch. You said that he goes down, gets up, down, up, well it's those up days you can cherish and the down days you can welcome the fact that he is still with you. Really don't think you were in a fog at all, just not wanting anyone to ask you that. My heart goes out to you and your husband. You sound like a very wonderful caregiver. He is lucky to have you. Hope he comes home soon. Home will feel so much better for him too.

  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    Maybe the next time someone
    Maybe the next time someone asks you that question you should ask them "how to prepare" for such a thing. Yes, there are things that everyone should have in order in case our last day sneaks up on us but I am not sure anyone other than the hospital should be asking such a question (as in a living will).
    I know what you mean though, my husband and I just began this battle this Feb and it already feels like and eternity. When it comes right down to it, I do not want to even try to imagine life after him. I know that I will not shrivel up and die because he has gone on before me but I know that I will want to. He is my best friend, the one that makes me laugh and no one ever gets my humor like him.
    I don't want to prepare for what "might eventually happen", I want to fight for more time with him. If I do lose him I will have to deal with that at that time but today I want to live with him.
    I am so sorry that someone asked you that question... I'm not sure what they were thinking but I can only hope it was someone with good intentions that had a very mindless moment.