Experiencing Changes (I am back!)

truckingalong

Hi dear everybody,

When I started going back to work, I had been treading waters big time. I found myself having to channel my energy - just to live by working, eating and visiting family. My father is grieving a lot due to losing his wife of 40 years so I have been watching him. I found myself just wanting not to think of cancer and escape into my own world of gratifications, i.e., watching my fav shows (HGTV, Periot mystery series and CNN), attending physical therapy sessions and reading. So that is why I had not been here for a while and want you all to know that I have not forgotten you!! Just that I am overwhelmed lately.

I deal with brief sudden huge headaches (like a vein throbbing or ache to my right eye) about 3 times a week - more or less. I notice that it happens if I am not drinking enough water or getting tired in the afternoon or not having enough sleep. Yes, I have problems sleeping. Funny that even tho after last chemo 8 months ago, I see the positive energy developing in me. For 2 years before my treatment, I was not feeling well that I forgot what it s like to be alert and in tune with what s going on - now I feel alert and GREAT - in the past, I could tell when I start to become tired but now I keep going feeling good and then - wham!! - headaches and once a while feeling really depressed. So it is like I don't know where I am going and how I should manage my energy - it s crazy. Another symptom popped up, my right armpit where one lymph node was removed for biopsy to diagnose Hodgkins - is mostly numb and the upper part of my right breast gets sore often. I wonder if it is the Mediport scar that was removed last Feb. Does anyone experience this? How should I make it less sore?

Also another change is hot flashes. Gyn suggested I can stop taking Estrodiol if I want to. So I did. Now I feel hot/chills, drying skin, and once a while nerve pain in certain spots, anxiety and sleepless nights - think I will go back to taking the hormone pill....

My dear daughter after hearing an inspiring lecture about trying out something new for 30 days and then something else new for the next 30 days and so on, suggested she herself, my hubby and I go on a vegetarian diet for 30 days so we did! Yesterday was the last day of being a vegetarian. Holy Mackerel! Interesting and challenging and fun so hmm, I don't know if it has + or - effects on me (except that it is good to be regular, LOL). I will see in the next few weeks how I fare with my old diet...

With work, it is hard for me getting up in the morning and move fast to get ready for work but once at work, I am ok but in the afternoon, I feel different sometimes such as neck and back aches but do feel good when not feeling the aches. I feel like being Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! I try hard not to say much about my aches to my dear hubby who is exhausted from his demanding job and being a dedicated caregiver. My daughter said she also hates hearing about them. So there have been times when I feel alone without realizing that. That is why I am back here, grins. I would love to hear how you experience some of the stuff that I am experiencing.

Wishing you peace and positive thoughts,
Liz

allmost60

Changes...
Hi Liz,
So glad to hear from you! I think about you so often and hoped all was going well. Like you, I don't do well when my morning routine gets messed up or if I have to rush around. I worked for 33 years(40 hr weeks), but can honestly say I couldn't do it now. By mid afternoon my energy level is low and I don't ever seem to be able to catch that second wind where I can pick up the pace. I feel good, a few aches and pains here and there, but nothing that keeps me down. So far since chemo ended in Dec, I haven't experienced my old all day into the evening energetic self. I'm thinking I probably won't, but I guess time will tell. I don't think I've ever been depressed to the point where it affected my life. I've been sad and worried many times, but for some reason I always seem to get past things and can move on in a positive direction. I will say though, I think my cancer diagnosis is probably the closest I've come to true depression. This time last year was a really scary time for alot of us. Anyways...please come back sooner and keep us up-dated on how your doing...I miss you when your gone for very long! You need to click on my expressions and see how big sweet Lizzy has gotten. She has brought me so much joy and totally distracts me from thinking about having cancer. She's the best medicine I've had in years..ha! You take care Liz. I love your new picture.
Much love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

vinny59

nice to hear from you
It was great to hear your update, I too can't get over the hump of being tired and that "worn out feeling" all the time! My Oncologist does not seem to concerned so I guess I should not be. Take care and stay positive.... Vinny

dixiegirl

vinny59 said:

nice to hear from you
It was great to hear your update, I too can't get over the hump of being tired and that "worn out feeling" all the time! My Oncologist does not seem to concerned so I guess I should not be. Take care and stay positive.... Vinny

Energy?
Hi Liz,

I've been wondering about you too, glad to see you back. I just completed my first week back to work and I can honestly say I am ready for bed before I even get all the way home. My energy is not great and by afternoon my hiney is really dragging!

I don't know when it will come back, but for now I just do what I can to trudge through the day. I know it will get better and that I am impatient but just keep praying that I get the strength to get done what has to. I'm trying to be patient with myself but some days it's hard.

Take care honey,

Beth

bluerose

Hey there Liz
Welcome back. Glad to hear that you are back to work and keeping your mind occupied on something other than your health but I know that is so hard when it is always poking at you with pain and fatigue. Still, it's good to be keeping your mind active at work if you at all can.

The one thing about your post that resonated with me is when you said your daughter didn't like hearing about your aches and pains and while I get that you also need to be able to vent. I am glad you are back here to get help with doing just that to us here and we love to have you back, make no mistake about that, but I think it would also really be of value to you to get in touch with a really good counsellor as well to help you with the medical side of your feelings, you know check for depression now and then and to counsel you in case she sees you getting stuck in one of the stages of grieving the loss of your total health. There are so many topics that come up for us survivors and alot can be handled right here from survivor to survivor on this site for sure but I have always personally had a counsellor on the side who I have seen once in awhile just to make sure I am still firing on all pistons, lol. It really does help.

I am glad to see you back. Take care and rest as much as you possible can. Your body has been through a war, don't forget that.

Hugs,

Bluerose

truckingalong

allmost60 said:

Changes...
Hi Liz,
So glad to hear from you! I think about you so often and hoped all was going well. Like you, I don't do well when my morning routine gets messed up or if I have to rush around. I worked for 33 years(40 hr weeks), but can honestly say I couldn't do it now. By mid afternoon my energy level is low and I don't ever seem to be able to catch that second wind where I can pick up the pace. I feel good, a few aches and pains here and there, but nothing that keeps me down. So far since chemo ended in Dec, I haven't experienced my old all day into the evening energetic self. I'm thinking I probably won't, but I guess time will tell. I don't think I've ever been depressed to the point where it affected my life. I've been sad and worried many times, but for some reason I always seem to get past things and can move on in a positive direction. I will say though, I think my cancer diagnosis is probably the closest I've come to true depression. This time last year was a really scary time for alot of us. Anyways...please come back sooner and keep us up-dated on how your doing...I miss you when your gone for very long! You need to click on my expressions and see how big sweet Lizzy has gotten. She has brought me so much joy and totally distracts me from thinking about having cancer. She's the best medicine I've had in years..ha! You take care Liz. I love your new picture.
Much love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

Thanks
Hi, Sue,

My body is not the same as before but you know what - I am enjoying myself more than before now that I don't bother worrying about some things that I realize, are not important and wasting my time. I now feel everyday is special.

I get happy when I have energy - I do get sad when I don't have that but then time changes feelings so I am grateful that they are transient, you know what I mean?

Lizzy looks so sweet and lovely. As a kid, people called me Lizzie - brings me warm memories!

I plan to post more pics in my expressions soon after I go to Santa Fe, New Mexico this Sat with my hubby for one week. It is the first kind of vacation without visiting family or friends - just for US!! Can't wait.

I definitely will keep in touch. I miss talking to you - thanks.
Hugs,
Liz

truckingalong

dixiegirl said:

Energy?
Hi Liz,

I've been wondering about you too, glad to see you back. I just completed my first week back to work and I can honestly say I am ready for bed before I even get all the way home. My energy is not great and by afternoon my hiney is really dragging!

I don't know when it will come back, but for now I just do what I can to trudge through the day. I know it will get better and that I am impatient but just keep praying that I get the strength to get done what has to. I'm trying to be patient with myself but some days it's hard.

Take care honey,

Beth

Dealing with Energy
Thanks, Beth, for checking on me... I miss being here and thought of you often, praying for your good prognosis. So glad to hear that you are "back on track". It is good to hear how you are doing because I understand what you are going through. I am blessed with Life that we have now - taking one day at a time. Sometimes, I surprise myself by doing little more.

Hugs,
Liz

truckingalong

bluerose said:

Hey there Liz
Welcome back. Glad to hear that you are back to work and keeping your mind occupied on something other than your health but I know that is so hard when it is always poking at you with pain and fatigue. Still, it's good to be keeping your mind active at work if you at all can.

The one thing about your post that resonated with me is when you said your daughter didn't like hearing about your aches and pains and while I get that you also need to be able to vent. I am glad you are back here to get help with doing just that to us here and we love to have you back, make no mistake about that, but I think it would also really be of value to you to get in touch with a really good counsellor as well to help you with the medical side of your feelings, you know check for depression now and then and to counsel you in case she sees you getting stuck in one of the stages of grieving the loss of your total health. There are so many topics that come up for us survivors and alot can be handled right here from survivor to survivor on this site for sure but I have always personally had a counsellor on the side who I have seen once in awhile just to make sure I am still firing on all pistons, lol. It really does help.

I am glad to see you back. Take care and rest as much as you possible can. Your body has been through a war, don't forget that.

Hugs,

Bluerose

Thanks for sharing your widsom
Thanks, Bluerose, for your thoughts.

You have a good point about seeing a counselor becuz my daughter should not hear my complaints - although I don't do that often now. I am a therapist by profession and had seen one for 9 years then stopped going because I then know who I am and being comfortable with myself except that I was not feeling well for 2 years not knowing why and then here came the cancer diagnosis. Yes, I agree with you that I should see one - go back to my therapist from time to time. Just that I have to drive an hour to get to her office - having a therapist who know sign language is few and far between and then I have to pay full because she would not accept my insurance. So it goes but I am going to see her at least once a month to "check in". I am learning to ride on a different path, that is for sure - I am more grateful about Life than before which is a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for welcoming me back, smile.

Hugs,
Liz

allmost60

truckingalong said:

Thanks
Hi, Sue,

My body is not the same as before but you know what - I am enjoying myself more than before now that I don't bother worrying about some things that I realize, are not important and wasting my time. I now feel everyday is special.

I get happy when I have energy - I do get sad when I don't have that but then time changes feelings so I am grateful that they are transient, you know what I mean?

Lizzy looks so sweet and lovely. As a kid, people called me Lizzie - brings me warm memories!

I plan to post more pics in my expressions soon after I go to Santa Fe, New Mexico this Sat with my hubby for one week. It is the first kind of vacation without visiting family or friends - just for US!! Can't wait.

I definitely will keep in touch. I miss talking to you - thanks.
Hugs,
Liz

Enjoy!!!
Hi Liz,
Enjoy your trip with hubby! Steve and I took off for 3 days down on the river and had a wonderful time. We need times like this to put cancer completely to the back of our minds. I too am greateful for many, many things...especially our sweet Lizzie! Take care and check in after your trip. Much love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)