Make these thoughts go away!

alexinlv

up since 3 am second night in a row. now it's 430. "cancer" talk will not leave my head! 24/7 since the stage iv dx for hubby on Friday morning. I can't stop thinking and thinking about it. is this normal? how can I get it out of my brain?!? sleep please. but as soon as I wake up I know it's all I will think about.

Brenda Bricco

I know where you are, I have
I know where you are, I have been there. It was a living hell until I was physically and mentally broke. Please don't wait for that to happen to you. It really helps to have something to calm your nerves or quiet all your fears long enough to sleep. I know as the care taker it feels like you are under a microscope and you think your job is to be strong and invinsible but it's not. You are in a crisus, please talk to someone to get some help.God bless you.
Brenda

NJC

Just realize that no matter
Just realize that no matter how much you worry what ever is going to happen is going to happen. And it's just best to enjoy every day together and let the doctors worry for you. Until the doctors tell you there is nothing else they can do, live your lives!!! While this may seem a little cavalier, it's what has gotten us thru the Stage IV diagnosis thus far. It's important for you to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your husband!

Best wishes!

-Joe

Buckwirth

Xanax
I know, you don't want to rely on drugs, but this is an EXTREME case, and getting a 30 day supply to get you over the hump can make a HUGE difference.

Yours,

Blake

buckeye2

First of all you are
First of all you are completely normal or we are both crazy because I have also spent many sleepless nights since diagnosis. Right now I am feeling at peace even with the knowledge that there are many challenges days ahead. It helps me to stay focused on my role in this battle. As a teacher, you understand learning targets. Well right now I have living targets. Here they are in the order of priority.
1. Keep things for my family running as normal as possible.
2. Being there emotionally for my husband. That means talking when he wants to talk about cancer and talking about normal things when he doesn't want to talk about it. It means figuring out his needs without him telling me. It means letting him know he still is the desireable man he was before diagnosis. It also means recreating things to allow the new normal to be as satisfying as the old normal.
3. Staying informed so that I can help him make good decisions. He would rather avoid knowledge that makes him uncomfortable. I need to be the information seeker as a result.
4. Keeping communication flowing for those outside our immediate family.
5. Expecting the best while planning for the worst. Things have to be in order in case I am left to do this as a single. Wills have to be made and finances have to be stabilized.

Some might consider the caretaker as a selfless person but I am doing this for me. I am empowered by realizing my critical role. I want to be proud of myself at the other end of this journey whereever that is. This comes from a strong woman on a good day. I may be at your place tomorrow but realize you will have strong days ahead of you also. Stay on the boards. There's hope, information, and even laughs here. Lisa

ketziah35

I couldn't sleep fpr about a
I couldn't sleep fpr about a year after my mom was dxd in 2010. I still get stressed around Scn time and can't sleep. This is normal. At first the initial shock is really shocking and strssful. If it doesn't calm down after the next month or 2 I woud recommend you seek counseling.

herdizziness

Forgetting?
It seems you are keeping the cancer in total focus and forgetting a few things, like your husband the one with cancer being there next to you, like the kids who would like to not have to be reminded day after day Daddy has cancer, like there are other things besides cancer, like watching a comedy together and laughing, like the laughter of a family working together in a kitchen making a meal, like family game night, like the things that make MEMORIES NOW, the living in the NOW moment, the things that will mean the most to your kids and your husband. Like cancer is well...cancer, it's a horrible beast and you fight it the best way you can, and having it forefront in your mind hurting you isn't much of a fight at all, seems cancer is causing you sleepless nights and pain in your heart, which mean your allowing it to WIN already. So why not tell cancer to go "stuff it" for awhile, your husband will do what he has to do to survive, he's taking it well like many of us, because he realizes that it's the moments of now that count and if you let cancer take over all of those moments it has WON. Normalcy for your children as much as possible is the way to be, plus a quite a few extra family moments where time is spent together without the mention of cancer thrown in for good measure, that's what counts now.
I hated it when my husband couldn't "toughen" up for me, but then maybe I'm just a different species, if I was holding up well, then why the H@ll wasn't he?? After all, he was supposed to be there for me, and I WAS THE ONE WITH CANCER. Sorry, if I'm not patting your back saying there, there, it's okay to feel like you do, because I think it is okay to feel like you do, but NOT PROJECT it on your family around you. If I could have just had been able to say these words to my husband "Toughen up for God's sake!!! I need you to be my rock!!!!" I would have given all that I owned in the hopes he would have, but I knew it was useless. Not sugar coating it.
Truthfully,
Winter Marie

here4lfe

Use your coping mechanisms
We are all different, but I was the same way. You have to get used to the fear, and over time (yes, time) you will settle in to the rhythem. It's a long haul, and your husband will go through a lot. You will have the strength to step through it one day at a time. Stage 4 is scary, but your husband is here. So be here for him and you. Since my wife has been under treatment, we've been to Hawaii and will be going to Mexico soon. I've gotten a promotion on my job, and she is working on starting a new venture herself while taking chemo. Life goes on.

Best.

Buzzard

here4lfe said:

Use your coping mechanisms
We are all different, but I was the same way. You have to get used to the fear, and over time (yes, time) you will settle in to the rhythem. It's a long haul, and your husband will go through a lot. You will have the strength to step through it one day at a time. Stage 4 is scary, but your husband is here. So be here for him and you. Since my wife has been under treatment, we've been to Hawaii and will be going to Mexico soon. I've gotten a promotion on my job, and she is working on starting a new venture herself while taking chemo. Life goes on.

Best.

alex in las vegas............( I think)
The way to stop thinking of it 24/7 is to do something else.....I went bowling with my youngest daughter tonight (age 7) and had a ball....left my thoughts behind, no time for them when playing with a 7 year old...

the moral of this story....don't wait for bad news to come to you, don't sit in wait for something to go sideways...for if you do it will, and then whats the point of waiting for incident to incident, with nothing in between to enjoy or at the very least remove you from the thought of it if just for a moment. A park, a swim, an overnight stay in a nearby motel ( maybe like you might have done as a teenager) or maybe not. The idea is to completely remove yourself from the situation where cancer doesn't matter for the moment...A hot tub, a massage (not deep tissue)but his/hers...you will be amazed of the things that will take you away if you simply allow it.......there are things you can control and things you can't...cancer is something that takes patience and dogged treatments but the simple enjoyment of the special moments are what takes you away...as you both progress in this journey you will have a greater understanding of what I speak about here...control the things you can, such as life and fulfillment of the moment, and let the things uncontrollable worry for themselves. All things will work out eventually...if you want to spend time on cancer then spend it here...this is the place for the best up to date information you can find.....knowledge in this journey is power, and power is the control that keeps us alive, so that we can enjoy the moments we are.......love Hope and best wishes for you and your family.............buzz

tabur

Yes, it is normal
Your world was just turned upside down and you feel out of control. You feel helpless. Within the next week or two, a battle plan will be laid out and your role and attitude will change. You will become a fighter and you will get closer to your husband than you thought possible. He needs you and you will rise to the challenge. Stay on this board, learn all that you can, and be active in his treatment. I wish you all the best.

Al

tootsie1

So sorry
It's natural to feel this way at such a horrible time. But you might need to talk to a doctor about something to help you rest, so you can cope better.

*hugs*
Gail

taraHK

consider
Some great suggestions here already. I would also gently encourage you to consider the possibility of some anti-anxiety medication -- temporarily -- to get you through this patch. Also, is there someone (therapist, counsellor, religious leader) you can talk with -- it is a Crisis - it's time to use every available resource. Also agree with suggestions about staying active and finding joyful distractions....

Love,
Tara

alexinlv

taraHK said:

consider
Some great suggestions here already. I would also gently encourage you to consider the possibility of some anti-anxiety medication -- temporarily -- to get you through this patch. Also, is there someone (therapist, counsellor, religious leader) you can talk with -- it is a Crisis - it's time to use every available resource. Also agree with suggestions about staying active and finding joyful distractions....

Love,
Tara

thank you all so much. your
thank you all so much. your posts have helped me tremendously today was a great day. so much better than the last two. pretty much normal. I am so thankful for it and this forum. peace to you and yours. xo. Alex