Frustrated daughter of kidney cancer survivor

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I posted here. My mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer 2 years ago and had a radical neph. At the time the doctor said they got everything they could see and he sounded pretty encouraging even though he said her cancer was much more aggressive than what they had anticipated. In the 3-4 weeks it took from her seeing the doctor until the surgery the mass grew considerably.

Last year when she went for her 1 year follow up they found she had a hernia and blamed it mainly on the infection she got after her surgery. She had hernia surgery last December and has been doing well except she does think she may have another hernia.

She is due for her 2 year checkup (next week) and as of today she still hasn't made the appointment. She has a lot of back pain and is very over weight so I'm not assuming the pain is cancer related or anything but she's frustrating me because even though she tells me she is going to make the appointment she doesn't and yet I see her in pain from her back (and do worry somewhat about cancer since I know that is one of may symptoms of kidney cancer). I realize she's probably afraid of having to have another hernia surgery because she always has a rough time after surgery with her bladder waking up the way it should. She isn't married to my father anymore and my sister lives 2 hours away so during the week I'm usually the one she relies on for help with whatever. I want to be there and help her but I also want her to take care of herself and follow up with her appointments.

I don't want to make my mom mad but I do want her to take care of herself.


  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    A couple of ideas
    Dear Love4life,

    My answer has nothing to do with Kidney Cancer.
    Maybe the facts warrant a referral to adult protective services in your state or Guardianship proceedings. If not applicable just ignore my thoughts.

  • Jamie1.3cm
    Jamie1.3cm Member Posts: 188
    hernia v kidney cancer
    Well, I've had both.

    hernia surgery recovery is indeed the hardest surgical recovery I've ever had. And they seldom work! That's the kicker. Did they use mesh the first time? usually mesh lasts longer, but the efficacy rate for hernia repair is really low, especially when weight is an issue.

    The good news is that hernia repair surgery is seldom absolutely necessary right now. My hernia is back, times two. Yep, two came up where they once was one. But I don't have time for hernia repair surgery, so that can wait until it becomes either really disfiguring or strangulated (then it's an emergency).

    But you can bet I'll be there to get my follow-up appt for the kidney cancer. Absolutely.

    So, maybe you can reassure her that it's not about the hernia; she doesn't have to have that fixed if she doesn't want to. But she does have to follow up on the kidney cancer screening. If they find something early, they can cure it. If it's not caught early, it's not curable.

    See if that works.