guilt felings

Auctiongirl

wondering if anyone has dealt with feelings of guilt about surviving cancer and treatment. My Godfather just passed away from pancreatic cancer on Friday. I am a 1 year survivor of ovarian cancer. Having a rather hard time feeling positive about myself when he did not survive. Feel guilt that I survived. Trying to find out if this a normal thing or something I need to work through. I am happy that I have made it through treatment but my mind is working overtime with guilt. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Tethys41

Pretty normal
I've heard other cancer survivors express their feelings of guilt about survival. But I do think it is something to keep an eye on. Everyone's cancer journey is different. Your godfather had a type of cancer that has a fairly low success rate when it comes to conventional treatment. I am so sorry for your loss, and it is very sad that the medical community hasn't come up with a more effective treatment. Certainly allow yourself to mourn his loss. If, however, you still feel the guilt after two weeks, it would be beneficial to find someone to help you come to terms with your feelings.

Auctiongirl

Tethys41 said:

Pretty normal
I've heard other cancer survivors express their feelings of guilt about survival. But I do think it is something to keep an eye on. Everyone's cancer journey is different. Your godfather had a type of cancer that has a fairly low success rate when it comes to conventional treatment. I am so sorry for your loss, and it is very sad that the medical community hasn't come up with a more effective treatment. Certainly allow yourself to mourn his loss. If, however, you still feel the guilt after two weeks, it would be beneficial to find someone to help you come to terms with your feelings.

Thanks
Thanks for the fast response. I have a counselor that I talk to. Way to many changes in my life the past 2 years (divorce, job changes, moves, and cancer) Needless to say the counselor has heard all and gives me great things to try. I just needed some advice from others who have had a cancer diagnosis.

Hissy_Fitz

Absolutely! I feel guilty
Absolutely! I feel guilty every time I read a post from another teal sister who has had a recurrence confirmed. I have had a relatively long first remission (19 months) and have done absolutely nothing to "earn" it. I don't always choose the best, most healthful foods. I don't exercise as much as I should. I don't live a life free of sin and sloth and all those other deadly sins.

Are you Catholic, Auctiongirl? My son says, "Of course you feel guilty; you're Catholic. Isn't everything our fault?"

Carlene

kikz

Hissy_Fitz said:

Absolutely! I feel guilty
Absolutely! I feel guilty every time I read a post from another teal sister who has had a recurrence confirmed. I have had a relatively long first remission (19 months) and have done absolutely nothing to "earn" it. I don't always choose the best, most healthful foods. I don't exercise as much as I should. I don't live a life free of sin and sloth and all those other deadly sins.

Are you Catholic, Auctiongirl? My son says, "Of course you feel guilty; you're Catholic. Isn't everything our fault?"

Carlene

I guess it's guilt
but I feel bad when I see stories about children with cancer. It breaks my heart more now than ever because I have an idea of what they go through. As an adult I can at least understand what is going on if not why. But a child.....and yet they exhibit such strength and grace.

I don't think I feel guilty about surviving because much as I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy I don't feel I should have less of a chance of survival than someone else. Maybe it's because I think of my family and friends as part of my survival. It's not just me.

Karen

garden gal

kikz said:

I guess it's guilt
but I feel bad when I see stories about children with cancer. It breaks my heart more now than ever because I have an idea of what they go through. As an adult I can at least understand what is going on if not why. But a child.....and yet they exhibit such strength and grace.

I don't think I feel guilty about surviving because much as I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy I don't feel I should have less of a chance of survival than someone else. Maybe it's because I think of my family and friends as part of my survival. It's not just me.

Karen

feeling guilty
I don't feel guilty so much that I've survired it's when I see young mothers at the cancer center and wonder why do they have to go through this. They have so much to live for. We all do, but it really bothers me when you hear about their kids and you can hear the fear in their voice. Kathy

lindaprocopio

garden gal said:

feeling guilty
I don't feel guilty so much that I've survired it's when I see young mothers at the cancer center and wonder why do they have to go through this. They have so much to live for. We all do, but it really bothers me when you hear about their kids and you can hear the fear in their voice. Kathy

I don't think guilt can be a reaction to survival & remission.
What about babies born with congenital defects that feel pain and face limitations every day of their lives, year after year? Should we all feel guilty that we were blessed with a normal childhood? Please don't feel guilty; you know if you think about it that it just doesn't make sense. I would just focus on feeling blessed and humbly appreciative, and lay that unfounded guilt aside.

Although I've been in constant treatment for over a year, I STILL feel incredibly blessed for the decades of perfect health I've enjoyed and all the countless unearned blessings that have come my way in life. I know I don't deserve all of the wonderful things and people in my life, but I don't feel guilty about it. Just appreciative and glad.

wfisaac

I think it's probably quite
I think it's probably quite a normal thing to feel but the key is to not resign ourselves over to it. This loss was very close to your heart so it is understandable that you would have some deep feelings as a result. Whenever we lose someone that we are close to, it seems like it's normal to have thoughts like "I should have called them more" or I should had done this or that, so being that you were both battling cancer I can see why those thoughts would want to creep in. It's just one of the many sides of grief. Right around the time I was diagnosed a friend's little 8 year old was diagnosed with cancer. He ended up passing away several months later and I remember going through some very emotional times from that. I felt like it was wrong for me to beg God to let me live when a little one was not spared. But, I had to move on and each morning I wake up I say "well, I'm still here so let's get up and see what this day has in store".

So yes, I think it's a normal thing to cross something like guilt along the journey but we just have to keep going forward and not pull off the trail and stay at that point. And, I think the fact that you have reached out to others shows that you will be able to find the strength to keep moving forward.

My heart and prayers go out to you as you go through this time of loss of someone you love.

sarahb74

Guilt
I'm not usually given to feelings of guilt, but I did feel dreadfully uncomfortable when my sister in law died suddenly from cancer about 18 months ago. She'd spent some time asking me about symptoms for 2 or 3 months before she died but I didn't think anything of it, just thought she was taking an interest. Then we got a phone call to say she had been rushed to hospital and given an exploratory operation. She never came round and died with 10 hours of diagnoses. I do sometimes wonder if I'd taken more notice of her questions if I shouldn't have guessed something. She wasn't that young, a bit over 70 I think, had so much to live for. But then don't we all. sigh