I cannot process anymore, can you help me
It seems like the only thing I talk about with you all is the emotional and difficult part of my life lately. I have debated all weekend about sharing more sadness with you. I am so ready for some happy in my life. My family seems to not want to talk or be supportive. They really just don't get what life with cancer is all about. I know that you all get it, but I really hate to share so much sadness. I am overwhemed by it. I am feeling like I am drowning in it.
I know that just about a week ago I told you all about our dear family friend who has lung cancer. She never smoked and has lived such a clean healthy life, it's just so sad. Our family and their family have been close friends for over 40 years. Their son is just a few months older than me. Well he was married for the very first time in July 2009. He found a wonderful younger woman with two kids. Instant family. We could see his happiness.
Well, on friday by accident I found out that his sweet 43 year old wife was diagnosed with Leukemia on March 23. She had her first induction chemo in April. In May, he had a planned hip replacement and was in the same hospital as his wife. He went home a week after getting his new hip. His wife got an infection and was not doing well. She passed away on May 26.
I am having such a hard time with this. We were not told since I was getting ready for texas and the family did not want to add more stress to our family. I cannot believe that she died so fast and so young. I am in shock and so so sad. I feel like my tears are stuck inside me and that I am drowning. I am feeling afraid. Maybe it's everything catching up with me. This year has had so much to endure. I want to be able to give my love and support to this family but I am so lost right now.
They have always been so supportive of me and my family. They have given so much and visit with my elderly mom regularly. The husband and wife have been like another set of parents to me. He was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma about 2 years ago but is not receiving any treatment at this time. Now she has cancer and their son has returned home since his wife died from cancer. I feel so surrounded by cancer. I am scared.
You all have been the best support and I feel like I have taken so much from you. I am just so tired of cancer and so tired of fighting cancer. I wish I could just cry right now, but nothing happens.
I have tried so hard to be strong, for myself, for my family, for everyone.
I hope I have not burdened you all to much with this. I am just so scared and tired and lost right now. I don't know how much more I can stand.
I hope I have made some sort of sense with this post. I have just typed what I am thinking.
Thanks for always listening(reading) and for your being there...
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