When it is time to put friendships to rest.....

RE

Double edged sword
Some folks are simply self centered and only wish to surround themselves with others who are fun, fun, fun or who make them look good. Obviously in their minds those of us who are ill are not fun, fun, fun and do nothing to promote their good time. It is sad because you have developed a fondness for this person and they are not treating you well. It is my opinion that she is not good for you at this time as you do not need extra stress and worry as you strive to heal. I think the concert that has been planned should be a last hooray for the time being. No drive home conversation is needed, I think you both already secretly know what lies ahead for your immediate friendship. It may come to pass that once you are better your friendship can resume and perhaps then you two can hammer out what happened during your time of need. It is just not necessary to expend your ever so valuable energy on such a talk right now. Who knows she may just be a clod when it comes to handling illness, we all have our crosses to be she will have to deal with her less than admirable treatment of you.

♥ RE ♥

ldpettit

Faux friends
i find I have been battling the same thing since my diagnosis. At first I thought.. hmmm why have they changed. Then I realize (as did you) that this is the same person, but now that life, for me, has become so different, my tolerance for friends like this is very low. So, I found I have been cleaning out the "friend" closet and removing myself from what I like to call "toxic" relationships/friendships. It has been freeing... at first it was tough, but after time I realized it was the best thing for me, my health both mentally and emotionally.

I pray you find a way to have closure... whether speaking to this person, writing a letter or doing both. Best of luck

channa

I can relate...
Even now, that I have breast cancer, one particular friend is treating me differently, even to the point of being mean and angry. Won't come in my house. When she has come to my house, once or twice, she doesn't understand why I don't do certain things for myself (carry cat litter upstairs, stay in my pajamas, etc) lol. She just doesn't get it. It's been very painful to have this happen, and I didn't expect it from her, but you never know who's not going to be there for you, and even be unkind.

I was a caregiver for a boyfriend back in 1991-93, he had colon cancer. I learned then that some friends just weren't gonna be there for us. I remember when he was pretty much in bed, and a couple friends of mine who were coming to stay for the weekend, walked in and saw him in bed, and were dumb-founded. They decided to stay elsewhere, even though I was really looking forward to them be there, laughter, talking visiting maybe.

Some folks just aren't ready when this kind of change in life is presented to them - in being with someone who is ill. They don't know what to do. I guess it connects to something inside them that is really scary. Something we've already adjusted to because it's happening to us.

If I were you, I probably wouldn't go with this friend to the show, just to relieve possible stress, and wouldn't talk with her about it. Personally I'm just really trying not to have stress right now. But I know you might find a way and opening to do this and it might work for you. Good luck to you, whatever you choose, and thanks for bringing this topic up.

Ticky

channa said:

I can relate...
Even now, that I have breast cancer, one particular friend is treating me differently, even to the point of being mean and angry. Won't come in my house. When she has come to my house, once or twice, she doesn't understand why I don't do certain things for myself (carry cat litter upstairs, stay in my pajamas, etc) lol. She just doesn't get it. It's been very painful to have this happen, and I didn't expect it from her, but you never know who's not going to be there for you, and even be unkind.

I was a caregiver for a boyfriend back in 1991-93, he had colon cancer. I learned then that some friends just weren't gonna be there for us. I remember when he was pretty much in bed, and a couple friends of mine who were coming to stay for the weekend, walked in and saw him in bed, and were dumb-founded. They decided to stay elsewhere, even though I was really looking forward to them be there, laughter, talking visiting maybe.

Some folks just aren't ready when this kind of change in life is presented to them - in being with someone who is ill. They don't know what to do. I guess it connects to something inside them that is really scary. Something we've already adjusted to because it's happening to us.

If I were you, I probably wouldn't go with this friend to the show, just to relieve possible stress, and wouldn't talk with her about it. Personally I'm just really trying not to have stress right now. But I know you might find a way and opening to do this and it might work for you. Good luck to you, whatever you choose, and thanks for bringing this topic up.

Bald vs Wig
I guess we are all different. I did not expect any of my friends to go places with me bald. I always wore a wig. I am a cancer survivor so I can say this. There is nothing cute about a bald head with a scarf or hat. I was looking for some pictures of my sister-in-law to frame as part of her birthday gift. While looking for pictures I accidently came across some pictures I took of myself bald five years ago. They were not pretty. Would wearing a wig be such a horrible thing to do for your friend? I don't think she is asking too much.

Good Luck

Ticky

mom62

Friends
Hi,

I realized when I had my second bout with cancer who my real friends were. People come in and out of our lives. True friends don't leave you in your time of need regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them feel. I have learned this through experience and ended four friendships because of this. I am better off today.

skipper54

mom62 said:

Friends
Hi,

I realized when I had my second bout with cancer who my real friends were. People come in and out of our lives. True friends don't leave you in your time of need regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them feel. I have learned this through experience and ended four friendships because of this. I am better off today.

Go enjoy yourself, head held high and wigless, then let it drop
Some people just aren't comfortable around someone who is ill. I was blessed to have people come out of the wookwork to anything and everything I needed. And no one asked if I was going to wear my wig somewhere. I wore it to church because sitting in front in the choir loft would have been pretty "in your face" with a hat or scarf, but the only other times were ones to special meetings etc. Most of the time is was scarves or hats. Yep! I got some funny looks, and people looked through me sometimes, and that hurt, but it was the way I was most comfortable and that's what counted most. Be yourself and enjoy life!