How Do You Respond to Such Insensitivity?

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  • LRN715
    LRN715 Member Posts: 34
    #22
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    Marsha Mulvey said:

    This won't be a very popular post...but
    please try to get over your anger. You're not doing anyone, including yourself any good. As the old saying goes, "Life's too short." It is a fact that most people DO NOT UNDERSTAND what it's like to go through breast cancer and its' treatments. Communication is a two way street. She is married to your brother, perhaps you should have e-mailed a long time ago to let them know what you were going through and followed up now and then as treatment continued. Regardless that you were having a bad day, you might have briefly explained (like in your first paragraph above) a little about what you've gone through and how you're doing now...it wouldn't have taken a moment - that's only a moment out of a lifetime!

    If I knew little or nothing about breast cancer, I might have responded the same way she did to your answer. Open the door to communication just a crack and see what developes. IF there's nothing there, then just move on. On the other hand, a whole new relationship may come of it. Best wishes.
    Marsha

    Marsha, no, I am not
    Marsha, no, I am not angry--just disappointed by that side of the family, and so glad they live in another state-lol Everyone who knows me well said I have gone thru this with grace, dignity, and integrety, and for someone to be this insensitive, well, what can I say? She knew a long time ago what I was going thru.....but, has not kept in contact. And now this. No, I don't plan to expound further in the future. Will leave it short and sweet.
  • LRN715
    LRN715 Member Posts: 34
    #23
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    Marsha Mulvey said:

    This won't be a very popular post...but
    please try to get over your anger. You're not doing anyone, including yourself any good. As the old saying goes, "Life's too short." It is a fact that most people DO NOT UNDERSTAND what it's like to go through breast cancer and its' treatments. Communication is a two way street. She is married to your brother, perhaps you should have e-mailed a long time ago to let them know what you were going through and followed up now and then as treatment continued. Regardless that you were having a bad day, you might have briefly explained (like in your first paragraph above) a little about what you've gone through and how you're doing now...it wouldn't have taken a moment - that's only a moment out of a lifetime!

    If I knew little or nothing about breast cancer, I might have responded the same way she did to your answer. Open the door to communication just a crack and see what developes. IF there's nothing there, then just move on. On the other hand, a whole new relationship may come of it. Best wishes.
    Marsha

    Marsha, no, I am not
    Marsha, no, I am not angry--just disappointed by that side of the family, and so glad they live in another state-lol Everyone who knows me well said I have gone thru this with grace, dignity, and integrety, and for someone to be this insensitive, well, what can I say? She knew a long time ago what I was going thru.....but, has not kept in contact. And now this. No, I don't plan to expound further in the future. Will leave it short and sweet.
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #24
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    laughs_a_lot said:

    Your own mental health.
    Without being mean, just do or say what is good for your own mental health in replies to such people. You have been through a major illness and if your reply was not to her expectations then perhaps she needs to adjust a bit.

    I try to respond in a way that will give me the least amount of regret, so there is no patch up work to do later. I have some rather self centered relatives that I limit not only contact with, but information as well. It is a self preservation thing for me and I see nothing wrong with self preservation nor guarding my mental health.

    I seemed to have had some of
    I seemed to have had some of your issues with bc, and still have issues from rads too, so I feel some of your pain. I had a friend who never sent a card, called, emailed, phoned or heard from for my entire treatment. Afterwards, I got an email from her saying that she was glad to know my treatments were all over and maybe we could get together. We had been close but this has put a lot of distance between us. Other friends that I didn't know as well came forward for me, sent cards, called, brought meals, etc. You do find out who your real friends are when you go thru hard times. Some people just can't handle this kind of a situation and don't know how to respond. You don't need this kind of SIL, she wasn't there for you when you could have used a kind word. I think I would be cordial, short, to the point, and not waste too much of your precious time with her. You did the right thing but if you feel like responding, just say something like "I've had a rough 10 months, still am dealing with some issues but working my way out and feeling better. Thanks for asking."
    Or email something like Susan's (Rague) post. I loved her post and will copy it, its classic, and it will spin insensitive people's heads for awhile. LOL

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