I feel like a whimp...

Options
epark
epark Member Posts: 339
edited August 2011 in Breast Cancer #1
So i started my chemo treatment on Aug 15 and had my WBC shot the next day...this pass week has been awful with headaches,fatigue and bone pain makes me want to say screw it i dont want to do this..i really thought i was stronger than that but i guess not....how in the HECK DO YOU LADIES DO IT...i see where it doesnt even phase half the ladies here like is just another day...YOU GUYS ARE MY IDOLS..LOL..

To make it worse i just chopped my long hair off real short. i felt it will be alot easier and less traumatic when it starts falling off in clump....this really sucks

Eva

Comments

  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    Options
    It does suck!
    It sucks big time! Trust me,no one goes through this without being phased by it.....we just react differently to the side effects...some have it much worse than others...sounds trivial to say but before you know it,you, too, will be "an idol"......hang in there, sweetie...you can do it...We all understand the hair loss thing, too...I thought I was prepared, I had had mine buzzed and wig bought before starting chemo....day14 after my first infusion it came out in handfuls...next morning I shaved it off....my head was very, very tender at first...it took me about a week to get used to being bald....what surprised me the most was how snow white my head was....if I lose my hair this time, I think I will just rely on hats and scarves.....

    Wishing you the best and keep us updated...we care...
    Hugs, Nancy
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    Options
    I never got the WBC shots
    My onc just didn't do them, probably would have if my counts were too low. So I don't know what those do to you BUT let me just say. It has effected all of us. You don't do chemo without some kind of adjustments to your world. Want to talk about being a wimp? We are empty nesters, only have me the hubby and the bassetts to worry about and still my 75 year old mother would stay with me during and after chemo for a couple of days to keep us fed and the house cleaned. I didn't clean my own house from the end of November 2010 until the end of July 2011 because even after I finished treatment the first week of July she kept coming in once a week and cleaning. I finally had to tell her I was going to change the locks. My rambling point is...chemo is hard, I was SOOOO lucky, all I had to worry about was myself and working as many hours a week as I felt like (40 every week but chemo week)so I know while I didn't think chemo was too bad I was also VERY lucky, no terribly low blood counts, no mouth sores, no strange SEs just the "usual" nausea, fatigue, hair loss, bone pain and craziness. Still I don't want to have to do it again, and don't know how I would have done it if I had a family at home who needed me to continue what I was doing before treatment.

    Nobody taking chemo is a wimp, we are all Warriors, some of us lucky to be a little less wounded than others. I hope it gets easier for you, and it may as you now have 1 under your belt and know more what to expect.

    I am sending you positive thoughts and helping you count down the days to the finish line,

    Jennifer
  • debi.18
    debi.18 Member Posts: 850 Member
    Options
    Know how you feel
    Yes, this sucks! I started mine on August 11th, know exactly how you feel. Even before I started I said I wanted to throw a temper trantrum and just not do it. I know in my head that all the "crappy crap" is necessary in the long run, but it really sucks the treatment is so much worse than the disease.

    I also cut my hair short so it would be easier to adjust to. Of course, I cut it in June and now it really needs to be trimmed. I just hate to spend the money and have it fall out a week later. I've bought 2 wigs and have a ton of hats, scarves, etc...I'm trying to convice myself I'm ready and prepared, but I'm sure I'll have a total breakdown the day it happens.

    On top of it all, my face has broken out like a teenager...don't remember hearing about that side effect.

    I have to say, thanks to all you lovely ladies for the support and being there....you have made days much easier!

    Hugs,
    Debi
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    Options
    debi.18 said:

    Know how you feel
    Yes, this sucks! I started mine on August 11th, know exactly how you feel. Even before I started I said I wanted to throw a temper trantrum and just not do it. I know in my head that all the "crappy crap" is necessary in the long run, but it really sucks the treatment is so much worse than the disease.

    I also cut my hair short so it would be easier to adjust to. Of course, I cut it in June and now it really needs to be trimmed. I just hate to spend the money and have it fall out a week later. I've bought 2 wigs and have a ton of hats, scarves, etc...I'm trying to convice myself I'm ready and prepared, but I'm sure I'll have a total breakdown the day it happens.

    On top of it all, my face has broken out like a teenager...don't remember hearing about that side effect.

    I have to say, thanks to all you lovely ladies for the support and being there....you have made days much easier!

    Hugs,
    Debi

    sorry you are feeling so lousy
    You are not a wimp, chemo is tough! About the bone pain - the chemo nurse told me to take Claritin before getting the Neulasta shot, which I did, and then continued taking it for around 10-14 days afterwards. I did not have any bone pain from Neulasta and I think it was due to the Claritin - I;ve heard this from other people as well.

    Wishing you the best. You will get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

    Laura
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    Options
    dbhadra said:

    sorry you are feeling so lousy
    You are not a wimp, chemo is tough! About the bone pain - the chemo nurse told me to take Claritin before getting the Neulasta shot, which I did, and then continued taking it for around 10-14 days afterwards. I did not have any bone pain from Neulasta and I think it was due to the Claritin - I;ve heard this from other people as well.

    Wishing you the best. You will get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

    Laura

    You most certainly are not a wimp!
    You're probably in the biggest fight of your life--and you're doing it! I had 6 rounds of TAC and had the Neulasta after the first 5--I had the bone aches and pains big time. Had 3-4 days of feeling like I was run over by a semi. Some nights I'd just rock and cry. But, it did pass. Unfortunately, we decided to forgo the Neulasta after the last treatment and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with a neutropenic fever (infection somewhere and very low white count) so I had to be on heavy duty IV antibiotics. As much as I hated the feeling of the Neulasta--sure wished I had done that last shot!

    You can get through this and you will surprise yourself at how strong you actually are. I'm sending you my most positive energy and prayers.

    Hugs, Renee
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    Options
    Eva you are not a wimp! This disease just sucks.
    Having cancer is hard, having chemo is really hard, and the Neulesta shots are a b*tch. Losing your hair is not easy, being told you have cancer is life changing for you and your family.

    No one breazes throuh it, some just have less SE. I have my 21st chemo Wednesday and the actual treatments do not get easier, I just know what to expect... or think I do, (lol) and then I am thrown with a new se, or I gear up for a tough treatment and it was much better than the one the week before.

    But seriously, talk to your doctor about the Claritan, it really helped with the bone aches from the Neulesta shots. Although, I found that it is my infusion nurse who really has the best advise on these issues.

    I decided this morning when it took about 10 seconds to dry my bald lumpy head, that there are some perks!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Options
    No One in here is a wimp~
    No One in here is a wimp~ and that incudes YOU! The Neulasta kicked my butt BIG time~ I wish I had heard about taking Claritin back then! I asked my oncologist about it ( as I may indeed be starting chemo again soon) and yes, he had heard of taking Claritin and recommended it! So, ask your dr about it...

    This is no walk in the park for any of us~ but the wonderful thing about this site is that we can lean on and cry with all of the sisters who are here with us. As one of the Kindred Spirits once so wisely said : "We are your future, you are our past." Trust me, none of us knew we would have to be this brave, or this strong~ and we aren't every day of the journey! But once we have joined this incredible family we don't walk alone~ and that makes all the difference in the world. We share our strength, courage and anything else you need willingly; just as you give back to any of us. We are family...that's what we do.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Options
    No One in here is a wimp~
    Double post...
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    Options
    chenheart said:

    No One in here is a wimp~
    Double post...

    Eva
    there is no such thing as being a wimp when it comes to our fighting bc, nothing! You are going thru so much right now that instead of thinking of yourself as a wimp, see yourself as the strong, brave person that you are.

    None of us asked for this journey and all of us wish we never would have had to walk it, but, we have and still are as you never want to give up, never.

    You are surrounded by loving and caring sisters that will help to pick you up when you feel down and to celebrate each and every day that you win the battle.

    So, when you need to vent, come here. When you need to cry, come here. When you just need someone to offer you a hug or a prayer, come here.

    The door is always open and it is filled with your pink sisters that will hold your hand every step of the way.


    Hugs, Lex
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    Options
    chenheart said:

    No One in here is a wimp~
    Double post...

    Sorry
    I double posted
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    Options
    oh Eva honey it does suck
    oh Eva honey it does suck big time! I complained & whined every day when I was having chemo. btw-i also cut my hair short so i could better handle losing it. Didnt really work though, i cried about being bald the entire time i was in chemo. I didn't work, I had to put my 2 year old in daycare for the last 4 of my chemo treatments because i just couldn't take care of her. I did nothing byt cry, lay on the couch, or lay in bed. I was utterly miserable & let everyone around me know it. You are going through probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to. The fact that you're on this board, seeking advice, information, and the wisdom from others who have been in your shoes, really says alot. We will be right here with you along the way. As far as all the pain you're having - let your onc know exactly how much pain you're in. I had to be on percocets the entire time i was having chemo. I was in terrible pain. I took sleeping pills many nights. Those meds are there for times like this, and dont let yourself feel bad if you need them to help get you through this. Sending you lots of love, hugs, and strength Eva :)
    *hugs*
    heather
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    Options
    Eva,
    Chemo sucks for

    Eva,
    Chemo sucks for everyone of us. We all have our good days and bad days. I know I didn't talk to anyone on the bad days. When I did talk to say my dad, he always commented on how good I sounded. I didn't have the heart to tell him how I would have sounded the day before......
    You will get past this. You will find the strength it takes. You are not alone in this journey.
    As to the hair, I am still having issues as it is still very short! It seems like a neon sign to the world that I had cancer.... I am hoping to have bangs by Christmas. I think it is just that it is so visible to everyone.

    Keep up the fight!

    Cindy
  • CAchick
    CAchick Member Posts: 277
    Options
    Bless you Eva
    Eva, Nobody who goes through chemo is a wimp...We all felt like crap going through it. I had chemo in the fall of 2009, and I refer to it as my "CHEMO FALL" (FALL not being just the season). I felt like I was just a shadow of myself the whole time. I am so sorry you are having to do this. But, the feelings you are having do NOT make you a wimp. They just make you human...
    Hugs,
    Sybil
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    Options
    CAchick said:

    Bless you Eva
    Eva, Nobody who goes through chemo is a wimp...We all felt like crap going through it. I had chemo in the fall of 2009, and I refer to it as my "CHEMO FALL" (FALL not being just the season). I felt like I was just a shadow of myself the whole time. I am so sorry you are having to do this. But, the feelings you are having do NOT make you a wimp. They just make you human...
    Hugs,
    Sybil

    Yep, it sucks all right
    But you need to fight like a girl! Everyone reacts differently but no one gets by unscathed. Hopefully it helps to know that lots of us have gone through it too. And we all wished we could have skipped it. And in reality we could, but . . .

    Was it worth it? YES! There is light at the end of the tunnel. And it's not an oncoming train either. Just do what you can and rest when you need to.

    Once before someone found a quote and posted it here and I love it. "You never know how strong you are until strong is your only option." Hang in there. You can do this!!!!

    Sending cyber {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} and prayers.
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    Options
    Hey Eva,
    NO ONE who does

    Hey Eva,

    NO ONE who does chemo is a wimp. I'll echo what others say about the claratin, it worked for me too. I did 6 rounds of TAC, and always spent chemo weekend in bed or on the couch in a complete fog. About 4-5 days after each infusion I would begin to climb out of it, and then gradually get closer to feeling somewhat normal in time for the next infusion.

    As for the hair, I had 3 haircuts in the three weeks between dx and my first chemo...I just kept going shorter and shorter. My scalp was very itchy a couple of days before it started coming out. I let it fall out until I had a bald patch, and then I buzzed it off myself. Once I buzzed it, the scalp felt lots better.

    Chemo is not easy. But be sure to come here if you have questions or side effects, you'll get lots of advice. Also be sure your doc knows about all your side effects, they have many ways to help you minimize them.

    Hang in there! and hugs,

    Linda
  • mollieb
    mollieb Member Posts: 148
    Options
    Plan Something Big
    Have something to look forward to. My daughter went to France and visited a champagne vineyard/winery owned by a distant cousin of my mother whom I have never met. He gave her a bottle of REALLY good champagne. We are saving it until all my treatment is over -- just radiation to go -- and I can almost taste that champagne. And now my husband is talking about taking a little trip! Believe me, we haven't been anywhere not connected with a kid in college for years! We know we will have a lot to celebrate, and looking forward to the celebration helps get through the rough stuff. You can do it -- when you take your own two-year old to college, you will know it was worth it.
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Options
    Eva
    We are all so different in how we feel and react to drugs, etc. I had bilateral mastectomy, 6 rounds of chemo and Neulasta shots, 28 rads. Yes, I lost my hair and when it finally grew back it was completely gray/white. I finally had it colored again but my hairdresser says it's many textures. I am still tired from rads even though they ended mid Feb. I can't seem to lose my chemo weight. I have bone pain from Arimidex but life goes on. You will get through chemo and rads if you need them. Some days will be tougher than others but there is a light at the end of the tunnel......... Sending you the courage and strength to get through the worse and know that it is doable.
    {{hugs}} Char