Question about fighting Time and cancer

Megan M

missrenee said:

I liked what you said about giving the "c" word so much power
None of us here really know our fate, but I asked my husband to promise me to not write "she lost her battle with breast cancer" if that ever becomes my reality. I just hate reading that--makes the person sound like a loser when we all know what strong, capable warriors we all are. Just my thinking. Everyone on here has buzz words or phrases about the "c" word that they hate. That's just one of mine.

Anyone here share my opinion on that?

Hugs, Renee

I try not to think of what
I try not to think of what could happen and choose to just live in the now, the present, today. I can't change what happened to me but I can live my life to the fullest.

Hugs, Megan

zahalene

Pam5 said:

OH Ladies - such amazing
OH Ladies - such amazing words of wisdom. I've had cancer 3 times in 26 years. Does that mean I'm a survivor? I've actually survived many things in my life worse than cancer. I don't look at it that way. I see each of these episodes as a challenge that must be met if I want to grow and fulfill my mission of being on this beautiful earth. For all the experiences I've had over the past 68 years, I keep filling up my toolbox with solutions, hope, experience and a deeper faith that God always has my back even if one of my experiences takes me out. When that happens, there will be a better plan that isn't for me to perform here. I try not to battle. I try to listen, to be led, to do the next right thing even if it hurts, to weather the storm which may last a day, 3 days, or in this past period 8 days. In between I get to play with my family, friends, laugh and share my experiences and solutions with people going through similar things regardless of what they are. How blessed am I?

Right on, Pam!
I have seldom heard a better, more comprehensive, or more insightful description of our daily life experiences, whether cancer is a factor or not. We all are filling a tool box. It remains with us only to choose the tools that work best for each of us individually, and then use them to their fullest extent with as much wisdom and grace as we can muster. And yes, I too rely on the Master Carpenter to keep me well supplied.
Thank you for your post.

Lighthouse_7

zahalene said:

Right on, Pam!
I have seldom heard a better, more comprehensive, or more insightful description of our daily life experiences, whether cancer is a factor or not. We all are filling a tool box. It remains with us only to choose the tools that work best for each of us individually, and then use them to their fullest extent with as much wisdom and grace as we can muster. And yes, I too rely on the Master Carpenter to keep me well supplied.
Thank you for your post.

I just cried reading these
I just cried reading these posts. Thanks for the insight into She Won! I needed to hear that.

SueRelays

Lighthouse_7 said:

I just cried reading these
I just cried reading these posts. Thanks for the insight into She Won! I needed to hear that.

I love all these comments
I love all these comments and words of wisdom...I just want to add...a friend of mine said " we are surviving".....I like that better than survivor. Since I've had 3 primary cancers in 3 years, not sure I can consider myself a "survivor"....but I am surviving!! Another friend said "you're only a survivor if you die of something else". At the time I didn't like that statement, but now I think it's kind of true.

Keep on fighting!! I think I mentioned I had the Italian word for "fighter" tattoed on my foot after my 1st diagnosis. I'm thinking of putting "tired" on the other now !!

Nana C.

mruczko said:

Question about fighting
I feel particularly blue and cry a lot when I am surrounded by people with cancer, i.e. the oncologist's office, and, thank God in the past, at radiology. Me - I thoroughly disliked the word "survivor" and, sometimes at 2 am mulled over finding a better word but couldn't come up with anything. Now I astound myself by saying "I am a breast cancer survivor". Another phrase I still dislike is "battled cancer", what...in the ring with boxing gloves? Others may find nothing wrong with this. I am an old lady, got the feeling though if I'd be younger maybe I'd just take off into the wild blue yonder all by myself, California maybe?
Marlene

I thought I was the ony one
I thought I was the ony one in the world who disliked the word survivior. For me I think it was beacuse my best friend since 2nd graded passed away with Breast cancer 3 years before I was told I had breast cancer. She always called herself Survivor. I can't find a better word either! Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

chenheart

1. To remain alive or in
1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere
3. To remain functional or usable
4. To live longer than; outlive
5. To live, persist, or remain usable throughout
6. To cope with a trauma or setback

I saw this definition of Survivor, and thought, YES! This does apply to me! We survive many things not of our choice or our making~ the term Concentration Camp Survivor comes to mind. And most recently, OMG sweet Jaycee Duggard is definately a Survivor. And we have survived cancer!

But losing the battle? That bothers me to no end! I do consider myself in a battle with the beast, but I will not consider myself a loser even if the unspeakable should happen. I am more than breast cancer~ I am a wife and a step mom and a grandmother, and a friend, a cook, an avid reader~ I am many, many things not at all related to cancer.

I was dancing with NED for almost 8 years before my recurrance...so, did my "cancer odometer"
go back to zero, or does it still have 8 years on it?
It is all subjective, isn't it? I just know that I am being proactive, fighting as hard as I can, and doing what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

disneyfan2008

MY very close mom to
MY very close mom to me...friend died almost a year ago..after many bouts of cancer over 24 yrs...she insisted she didnt wnat in her obit: "she battled cancer" She was very optimistic during it all good and bad times..

I thought battled or fought meant since it started...I never thought of myself as survivor until I found this site..I just say I HAD cancer 3 yrs ago..

I am curious like you are and will read all replies..
Denise

disneyfan2008

camul said:

I will not have that I lost
I will not have that I lost my battle with cancer in my obit. I didn't lose a battle, my time was up! I am not putting up a valiant fight, I was dealt a hand that I wouldn't have chosen and I am doing my best to live each day to the fullest (most days, some lately just out and out suck).

I really don't choose to be called a survivor as I have battled cancer and the side effects for almost 10 years, even if I was technically "cancer free" for 8 of them. But that is a term that people understand like being cancer free.

But was I cancer free? I was battling bone and joint issues, tumors in my thyroid and bladder, lump in my appendix, and an immune problem that was a result of the initial chemo. And when the beast showed its ugly face again, it was in the bones and joints that were affected by the first chemo. So I personally believe the the beast was doing his thing, because one tumor didn't show up 10 months after the last bone and pet scan, but too many to count in all the affected bones!

I am ok with others calling themselves survivors, I just never felt it was applicable to me. I am just happy that I have had these last 10 years, and that my onco said when I was initally diagnosed that because we knew that HRT was most likely the culprit that he didn't think that that my battle was over, which prompted me to set more goals, and set new ones when those were reached, and spending time and making memories with my family and friends became even more important to me. Now if my show is canceled, they really know me and have plenty of fun memories to use as reruns!

wow..I just wrote post below
LONG LIFE TIME friend of mine..(like a mom to me) died last Aug from cancer..it was about her 3rd or 4th time with cancer over 24 yrs or so...she told everyone NEVER PUT IN MY Obit:

She battled cancer...!

Denise

cahjah75

I personally
find it interesting that people get so caught up in the words....... A friend of mine was dx with ovarian cancer many years ago. She had previously lost her husband to cancer. She didn't fight the battle- she just gave up and withered away. I was so angry that she didn't fight and yet also sad because she could have had so much life ahead of her. Albeit, not the life she would have wanted. So, was I the selfish one in wishing she hadn't died? I have lost 2 brothers-in-law and 1 sister-in-law. The first didn't ask for help until it was too late. He lived one year with trach & stomach tubes. The 2nd one had cancer everywhere in his body and couldn't fight it. My sister-in-law from dx til the day she passed away survived 10 years of surgery, chemo, rads, etc to see her youngest graduate from high school and college; to see her first grandchild born. So, yes, she lost her battle with cancer. Does it really make a difference if an obit says, "died of natural causes" or a "long illness"?

I have 2 sisters and an aunt who are bc survivors. There was surgery, chemo, rads and meds. All are survivors in my mind. I feel like a survivor too. If only I could get rid of the nagging thoughts of what if????????
Just my opinion, Char

tufi000

chenheart said:

1. To remain alive or in
1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere
3. To remain functional or usable
4. To live longer than; outlive
5. To live, persist, or remain usable throughout
6. To cope with a trauma or setback

I saw this definition of Survivor, and thought, YES! This does apply to me! We survive many things not of our choice or our making~ the term Concentration Camp Survivor comes to mind. And most recently, OMG sweet Jaycee Duggard is definately a Survivor. And we have survived cancer!

But losing the battle? That bothers me to no end! I do consider myself in a battle with the beast, but I will not consider myself a loser even if the unspeakable should happen. I am more than breast cancer~ I am a wife and a step mom and a grandmother, and a friend, a cook, an avid reader~ I am many, many things not at all related to cancer.

I was dancing with NED for almost 8 years before my recurrance...so, did my "cancer odometer"
go back to zero, or does it still have 8 years on it?
It is all subjective, isn't it? I just know that I am being proactive, fighting as hard as I can, and doing what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Chen
You were the first one I met here all those years ago, and you continue to inspire me as I so easily lose my will.

We see how to deal listening to you and not get caught up in the over-used phraseologies raining down to describe our various situations from the "others" in our lives.

Claudia , as usual, you rock!!!!! and thank you once again.

Sherry

chenheart

tufi000 said:

Dear Chen
You were the first one I met here all those years ago, and you continue to inspire me as I so easily lose my will.

We see how to deal listening to you and not get caught up in the over-used phraseologies raining down to describe our various situations from the "others" in our lives.

Claudia , as usual, you rock!!!!! and thank you once again.

Sherry

Tufi!!!! I smiled when I saw
Tufi!!!! I smiled when I saw your name~ we go back a long, long time don't we?! I just want to say that I love you...you are a special sister. I am honored to call you my friend.

MAJW

cahjah75 said:

I personally
find it interesting that people get so caught up in the words....... A friend of mine was dx with ovarian cancer many years ago. She had previously lost her husband to cancer. She didn't fight the battle- she just gave up and withered away. I was so angry that she didn't fight and yet also sad because she could have had so much life ahead of her. Albeit, not the life she would have wanted. So, was I the selfish one in wishing she hadn't died? I have lost 2 brothers-in-law and 1 sister-in-law. The first didn't ask for help until it was too late. He lived one year with trach & stomach tubes. The 2nd one had cancer everywhere in his body and couldn't fight it. My sister-in-law from dx til the day she passed away survived 10 years of surgery, chemo, rads, etc to see her youngest graduate from high school and college; to see her first grandchild born. So, yes, she lost her battle with cancer. Does it really make a difference if an obit says, "died of natural causes" or a "long illness"?

I have 2 sisters and an aunt who are bc survivors. There was surgery, chemo, rads and meds. All are survivors in my mind. I feel like a survivor too. If only I could get rid of the nagging thoughts of what if????????
Just my opinion, Char

My two cents....
Words can only have power over of us if we let them....what suits one may not suit another....what ever floats your boat! Survivor, battle, in the fight.....it's such a personal thing how one wants to be defined with words....but does it really matter in the big scheme of things? I just enjoy saying,
" I'm alive!"
Hugs, Nancy

sbmly53

Thought provoking....
I don't like the word 'survivor' when applied to myself. I guess it scares me, humbles me. I am a 'dealer'. I deal with whatever comes my way. I'm a 'planner'. I plan a new route when I come across a roadblock.

I guess the timeline would be from day one, through whatever else may occur or recur. I don't want anything said about any illness in my obit - just good stuff, you know - I was brilliant, gorgeous, witty, charming & a snappy dresser - the usual!

Sue

tufi000

chenheart said:

Tufi!!!! I smiled when I saw
Tufi!!!! I smiled when I saw your name~ we go back a long, long time don't we?! I just want to say that I love you...you are a special sister. I am honored to call you my friend.

Aye
Totally mutual Claudia but you know that!!!!!! I am with ya every single day.

Double Whammy

sbmly53 said:

Thought provoking....
I don't like the word 'survivor' when applied to myself. I guess it scares me, humbles me. I am a 'dealer'. I deal with whatever comes my way. I'm a 'planner'. I plan a new route when I come across a roadblock.

I guess the timeline would be from day one, through whatever else may occur or recur. I don't want anything said about any illness in my obit - just good stuff, you know - I was brilliant, gorgeous, witty, charming & a snappy dresser - the usual!

Sue

I actually like being
I actually like being referred to as a "survivor". I don't like people referring to me as being cancer free or even that I HAD cancer, because no one really knows for sure and it's usually someone who doesn't have a clue about cancer, and I find it condescending. The only person allowed to say that is my oncologist and I haven't heard that yet. Being referred to as a survivor is valid in my mind. It doesn't mean the cancer is gone or that it isn't. We survive car accidents. The accident happened, we got medical care, and may or may not have residual effects to deal with. We survive anything that doesn't kill us. Being "in remission" is also valid in my little head.

Words like brave insult me because I wasn't brave and I'm not brave now. As Chen says, we do what we need to do so we can keep doing what we want to do. I'd be brave if I'd taken chemo for someone else or volunteered for cancer and treatments, but I did the treatments because I wanted to live. I was scared to death. I wasn't brave. Don't call me brave because you really don't know if I was or not.

I'm not sure how I feel about "lost her battle with. . . ". If someone dies from a car accident, we don't use that term. We say she died from injuries sustained in a car accident.

I think the bottom line is most people don't know what the ---- they're talking about when they use the cliche of the day, and when we're on the receiving end of that cliche, we all react differently for different reasons. I'm just ornery tonight.
Suzanne

mruczko

Double Whammy said:

I actually like being
I actually like being referred to as a "survivor". I don't like people referring to me as being cancer free or even that I HAD cancer, because no one really knows for sure and it's usually someone who doesn't have a clue about cancer, and I find it condescending. The only person allowed to say that is my oncologist and I haven't heard that yet. Being referred to as a survivor is valid in my mind. It doesn't mean the cancer is gone or that it isn't. We survive car accidents. The accident happened, we got medical care, and may or may not have residual effects to deal with. We survive anything that doesn't kill us. Being "in remission" is also valid in my little head.

Words like brave insult me because I wasn't brave and I'm not brave now. As Chen says, we do what we need to do so we can keep doing what we want to do. I'd be brave if I'd taken chemo for someone else or volunteered for cancer and treatments, but I did the treatments because I wanted to live. I was scared to death. I wasn't brave. Don't call me brave because you really don't know if I was or not.

I'm not sure how I feel about "lost her battle with. . . ". If someone dies from a car accident, we don't use that term. We say she died from injuries sustained in a car accident.

I think the bottom line is most people don't know what the ---- they're talking about when they use the cliche of the day, and when we're on the receiving end of that cliche, we all react differently for different reasons. I'm just ornery tonight.
Suzanne

Time and Cancer
Such wonderful thought provoking comments. I feel humbled and honored to be called your sister. I wished I'd have found this website a long time ago, when I first started down this long, hard and lonely road. I can't imagine discussing this with any of my friends, leave alone my husband. That is why I call it a lonely road. I know ladies who are proud to call themselves survivor. I gave up trying to make people around me understand that cancer is NEVER behind you, but a constant present, that I can't just simply forget and go on living as before, there are ever present side effects, strong pills to take, pain, fear of lymphedema, recurrence. It is only on this website that I can pour my heart out and be understood - thank you all!
Hugs, Marlene

DebbyM

missrenee said:

I liked what you said about giving the "c" word so much power
None of us here really know our fate, but I asked my husband to promise me to not write "she lost her battle with breast cancer" if that ever becomes my reality. I just hate reading that--makes the person sound like a loser when we all know what strong, capable warriors we all are. Just my thinking. Everyone on here has buzz words or phrases about the "c" word that they hate. That's just one of mine.

Anyone here share my opinion on that?

Hugs, Renee

Renee, I feel the same way as you do. I don't want that said about me should I fall to the beast.

ginnyl

LoveBabyJesus said:

Good responses, thank you.
Good responses, thank you.

Here's my other question. A cold/flu doesn't have a cure. We often get it, but it comes back - among other types of conditions that may not necessarily take your life. As you treat your cold, you recover. But you never hear people say "I have the flu" or " I have the cold", for life. I know, this may be a cheesy comparison, but hey ... this too has no cure. Sometimes I get colds with fever, sometimes with vomit, sometimes with stomach problems (the metastasis of the flue/cold), but it doesn't kill. (Although in some third-world countries, anything is possible).

Here's my other question - and this proves to me how powerful the mind can be. We go to OBGYN for checkups every year - to test for what? cervical cancer, mainly. This is the most common form of testing and many women do this for many years, yet, it's never on their minds. But it is possible that one day, they might find something (c, std, etc...). I guess my annoyance is related to this "c" word is that it has gained such power. It has become a separate category in our minds (in our minds, I repeat).

I've been thinking about this a lot and often wonder if most of the "battle" is mental. Yes, we are all aware that it is a beast but personally I think the real battle starts in our hearts and our heads.

An Onco once told me "hey, chemo is just a different type of antibiotics". I can see where he was coming from.

good respone
I think of myself as a person who has hd cancer for 11 years and still doing teatment and will till i die.In the mean time i have colld,flu,sinutities, bladder infections and about any 24 hour bug now to mankind. i made it through those. am i just a cancer survivor because some of those small things has kicked my s;;'NO WWON SAYS I AM A SURVIVOR OF THOSE'HOW people out here fighting so many other diseases that are just as nasty as cancer and we dont call them survivors. i am just glad i here but i havent only had cancer to survi

Lynn Smith

mruczko said:

Time and Cancer
Such wonderful thought provoking comments. I feel humbled and honored to be called your sister. I wished I'd have found this website a long time ago, when I first started down this long, hard and lonely road. I can't imagine discussing this with any of my friends, leave alone my husband. That is why I call it a lonely road. I know ladies who are proud to call themselves survivor. I gave up trying to make people around me understand that cancer is NEVER behind you, but a constant present, that I can't just simply forget and go on living as before, there are ever present side effects, strong pills to take, pain, fear of lymphedema, recurrence. It is only on this website that I can pour my heart out and be understood - thank you all!
Hugs, Marlene

It has been only
It has only been 2 years since my dx.I never know what to say(confused) when someone asks me"What is your prognosis, how are you, did they get it all, are you doing OK. So many questions I don't know how to answer. Sometimes I answer"I'm doing OK, I am a survivor, I was dx with non invasive cancer but know I can get another type of cancer.There are many other things I say because "Life is uncertain once diagnosed with a life threatening disease".Actually some people I would like to say "NONE of YOUR BUSINESS". Some people don't care accept for themselves.

The word remission seems appropriate when going through a time with no treatment and good mammons and tests. I Don't want to dwell on it. Survivor isnt the word that fits.I feel it can be lurking somewhere.I read it takes years for a cancer to develop.I don't believe that.When my cancer was found I had been through alot of stress,my grandson accidentally elbowed me(a trauma) and I was in my early 60's.I read those over 60 are more prone to cancer. Also have a family history.Then a year from my previous mammo I was dx. I don't think my bc took years to develop for me. I felt my body going downhill in just less than a year.

I read in the paper he or she fought a couragoeous battle with cancer.Never says what type of cancer.Also read he/she fought a long courageous battle with cancer.Well how long,what type?? One year 2 years 10 years 20 years.If they are going to say a long battle might as well say how long.

Like someone said"They don't feel like a survivor with all the testing,mammos,ultrasounds MRI's etc we go through. Seems never ending.We get a pain we go to the doctor once dx.We always waited before.First thing we think of "Is the cancer back"???

When My friend was dx years ago I thought I knew how she felt but I didn't.Not until I was dx did I really know how cancer patients feel.You have to live it to understand.

Lynn Smith