New development - Situation with my friend

EnglishGal
EnglishGal Member Posts: 101
First of all, many thanks to all of you for your thoughtful and compassionate replies. In addition to my husband’s bad neck, he has breathing problems somehow connected with his condition. So at this point in our lives I am in better shape than him and Jane recognizes this. A couple of you have asked how hubby took this situation – he didn’t say anything while I was freaking out with Jane as he is a man of few words. So now it has blown over – I sent an email to Jane and apologized and her reply was: “I forgive you, Annie, let’s put this in the past now.” However, she did go on to say: “Annie, you could be more understanding of John’s condition as he is a good husband to you.” While I am glad we’ve made up, I see my friend differently now and have learned a lesson. We just got back from a marvelous four day trip to Chicago – what an awesome city! I won’t be around for a couple of weeks after Thursday as we are flying out West to Winnipeg, the western Canadian city I grew up in.

Comments

  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,379 Member
    Friends
    Cancer really opens your eyes to a lot of things. I lost a few friends over my illness. All but one of them I could have retained, but when I really looked at the "friendship" and what I was having to do to maintain it, I chose not to put in the effort. Even now, two years out from diagnosis, I've just heard again from a friend who totally blew me off when I could have really used a friend. I've learned what friendship really is, and that it is a take and give relationship. The ones who just take and don't give aren't really friends.
  • EnglishGal
    EnglishGal Member Posts: 101
    Tethys41 said:

    Friends
    Cancer really opens your eyes to a lot of things. I lost a few friends over my illness. All but one of them I could have retained, but when I really looked at the "friendship" and what I was having to do to maintain it, I chose not to put in the effort. Even now, two years out from diagnosis, I've just heard again from a friend who totally blew me off when I could have really used a friend. I've learned what friendship really is, and that it is a take and give relationship. The ones who just take and don't give aren't really friends.

    Yes, yes, yes!
    Yes, the lesson I've learned with this friend is that one has to be really stoic around her; she has another friend with cancer and she is always going on about how brave this lady is. If you are less than stoic, she can't be bothered.

    When you are dealing with cancer you only want positive uplifting people around you - people who will accept your meltdowns and accept you for who you really are, not what they want you to be.
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    It's nice of your friend to
    It's nice of your friend to be so sympathetic toward John, and I'm sure you know your husband's "condition" better than anyone else, but if I had a choice, I think I would take a bad neck and some breathing problems over late state cancer. Just saying.

    I have one friend that has exhibited some strange behavior since my diagnosis. Like Jane, she seemed far more concerned about my husband's plight than mine. Please don't misunderstand....I appreciate my husband more than words could ever express. He has been a rock thru all this. And yes, he does deserve lots of pats on the back for his patience, kindness, devotion, etc, etc, etc. But I still maintain that mine is the heavier burden.

    Unless you told Jane to F off, or something similarly unladylike, I'm not sure what you owed her an apology for, but it was big of you to take the high road.

    I told everyone that I had made my husband promise not to take up with anyone who knew me, after I died, and you would be surprised at some of the responses that elicited.

    Carlene
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    Lost a Dear Friend, too
    We had been friends for almost 14 years. We survived my first bout of cancer, but when I was diagnosed with brain mets, suddenly she can no longer be friends with me. "Too many people she knows have cancer" and I guess there wasn't time for one more. Hmmm, in retrospect I guess she didn't qualify as a dear friend after all.


    Cancer certainly has a way of shining a microscope on friendships doesn't it?
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528
    leesag said:

    Lost a Dear Friend, too
    We had been friends for almost 14 years. We survived my first bout of cancer, but when I was diagnosed with brain mets, suddenly she can no longer be friends with me. "Too many people she knows have cancer" and I guess there wasn't time for one more. Hmmm, in retrospect I guess she didn't qualify as a dear friend after all.


    Cancer certainly has a way of shining a microscope on friendships doesn't it?

    I think some people just
    I think some people just don't know how to deal with it. Also, they fear that they could be the next one diagnosed and don't want to think about it. But yes, it really does allow us to see who our true friends are. On the other side, I have made new friends due to my cancer diagnosis.
  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member

    I think some people just
    I think some people just don't know how to deal with it. Also, they fear that they could be the next one diagnosed and don't want to think about it. But yes, it really does allow us to see who our true friends are. On the other side, I have made new friends due to my cancer diagnosis.

    sorry girl but I don't like your friend
    still not convinced she is your friend and you don't need ant advice on how to take care of your hubby or his feelings. I uess I am just a hard ****..val
  • AnneBehymer
    AnneBehymer Member Posts: 738 Member

    I think some people just
    I think some people just don't know how to deal with it. Also, they fear that they could be the next one diagnosed and don't want to think about it. But yes, it really does allow us to see who our true friends are. On the other side, I have made new friends due to my cancer diagnosis.

    I right now am very lucky I found out two months ago tomorrow that I have overian cancer and all of my friends, family, and people I have just met have gathered in around me for support. I hope I don't lose any durning this battle but one thing I have learned is you do need people who will support and lift you up not ones who don't undestand the battle you are in that is why I like this website I know no matter what I say you all understand you have all become important to me for my fight and I hope I can be the same to some of you

    Anne
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314

    Yes, yes, yes!
    Yes, the lesson I've learned with this friend is that one has to be really stoic around her; she has another friend with cancer and she is always going on about how brave this lady is. If you are less than stoic, she can't be bothered.

    When you are dealing with cancer you only want positive uplifting people around you - people who will accept your meltdowns and accept you for who you really are, not what they want you to be.

    You are way nicer than I
    You are way nicer than I would have been. I would have told her, "Who are you to tell me what is important and my husband's ailments are none of your business." I would have sprinkled a few curse words too! I would label a biotch like that: ex-friend. Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and provide a positive environment.

    Stand up for yourself!
    Mary