Here i go again

tina dasilva

well today it started again Jorge and Jorgie are fighting again i'm getting worried about the stress that my son is giving his dad . will make this cancer grow omg i'm hating my life right now i try so hard to keep everyone happy but i can't anymore i just want everything to stop . sorry guys

luvmum

oh my dear
Dear Tina,

I'm so sorry to hear that. I totally understand your feeling. I'm hating my life right now too... I just don't know how to live a normal life.
I really don't like this heart-aching feeling.

Please take good care of yourself, relax a bit and take one day at a time.
Hugs hugs hugs Dora

rogina2336

Tina, So sorry to hear
Tina, So sorry to hear things are getting so stressed. Sometimes being a caregiver can be very heart breaking, thankless and overall very stressful. I will alot of times go outside and have a good cry and think things through and somewhere through it all find the strength to carry on. Try to remember there are good times too.....and hopefully the good times outweigh bad. Hang in there!!! Hopes and prayers. Kim

buckeye2

Pertinent Read
I just finished a fictional book called "so much for that" by Lionel Shriver that I believes provides a perfectly accurate description of the feelings of the caretaker. It is a somewhat difficult read not just because of content but also the prose but I found it to validate some of my own feelings especially in terms of my "tiptoeing" around my husband. It sure it tough keeping all the balls in the air some days. Lisa

Sundanceh

T&J
Tina

I'm too far removed to know what the real reason is for your sons continued confrontations with your husband.

It could be that he is acting out, because there is an underlying fear that Jorge will pass away. That could explain alot of the anger, bitterness, and resentment that he may be expressing to Jorge.

He sounds like he is grown up enough to know better so he's got to have enough maturity to know this is wrong. And unless he's just a mean person by nature, the only conclusion I can draw from you is what I said above.

By all means though, this does not justify your son's reaction towards his father. His behavior is being mis-directed and aimed towards his dad - in some way with his dad sick, it must be harboring up feelings of him possibly not being around for him.

Or that by Jorge being sick, he's just so hurt about that, that he transforms it into anger when he should be venting out that frustration in another manner.

Family counseling might be something to consider. At least this way, there will be an intervention and all of you can get in the same room and release the frustration you all feel and you'll get the opportunity in a 'safe haven' to tell each other what you are really feeling about all of this.

I think this might be the type of cathartic release that you guys might be looking for. You know when you boiled water on the stovetop, the water would get real hot, and then boil, and then finally the steam would releaes through the top with that whistling sound.

Do you remember that? Well, think of your family as just that. It's a good analogy.

Cancer is the hardest thing for all parties. I just finished the last couple of chapters writing about this in my book, so all of this is fresh on my mind, as I've just relived some of those chapters myself.

Stress is not good for cancer - don't really know how much it influences the cancer cell growth or not. But the real issue, is we don't want stress to weaken the body's resistance and make it any easier for cancer to gain a foothold.

Remember, cancer tries to get to you anyway it can. Either through the physical toll or the emotional toll and this can't be understated in our fights against cancer. And it really makes it a much longer road, doesn't it?

When you're in the middle of treatment and are so sick and stressed out, it's easy for any of us to lose our focus on what the real goal is - good health. And you do hate your life when you're up to your armpits in alligators. No question about it. And it will never change.

Cancer treatments are about Time and Patience. You have to see it as this great big hurricane that you are all caught up in and you are being tossed about, seemingly with no control. Just hang on and hold tight - like any storm, yours too will pass when Jorge gets through his protocol.

My wife was at the end of her rope just 2 weeks before treatment ended. I was a bear to live with as the chemo made me so mean and angry. I likened it to a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

I did not like myself one bit for what I was transforming into. But that's what this chemo does to you and what it is doing to Jorge. Those mean looks he is giving you is from the chemo because he feels so sick - I wish I could tell you how sick Jorge is.

I was hard on my wife just as Jorge is being hard on you. He does not mean it anymore than I did. He just hurts so badly and you're the release point for his hurts and frustration. Doesn't make it right - just what is, you know, Tina?

And you can believe that me and my wife want all of this to stop after 7-years of this mess.

It's not easy, Tina and I don't have a magic pill to take away all of your pain.

Getting back to your son....had I been that way to my dad (and he never had cancer), he would have picked up the nearest 2 x 4 and brained me in the skull with it.

Some type of toug love is in order, because this type of behavior from him can't continue - just not healthy for any of you to be living in that type of tense environment.

As always, more than proably what you wanted to read, but I have heard you talk about this on more than one occasion - and where's there is smoke, there is fire.

Best wishes and don't take this lying down - you're going to have to be the one who stands up for your family - go gather your courage - and then unleash your beast.

You just might find that they be will be scared of you and start acting right.

All the best!

-Craig

tina dasilva

Sundanceh said:

T&J
Tina

I'm too far removed to know what the real reason is for your sons continued confrontations with your husband.

It could be that he is acting out, because there is an underlying fear that Jorge will pass away. That could explain alot of the anger, bitterness, and resentment that he may be expressing to Jorge.

He sounds like he is grown up enough to know better so he's got to have enough maturity to know this is wrong. And unless he's just a mean person by nature, the only conclusion I can draw from you is what I said above.

By all means though, this does not justify your son's reaction towards his father. His behavior is being mis-directed and aimed towards his dad - in some way with his dad sick, it must be harboring up feelings of him possibly not being around for him.

Or that by Jorge being sick, he's just so hurt about that, that he transforms it into anger when he should be venting out that frustration in another manner.

Family counseling might be something to consider. At least this way, there will be an intervention and all of you can get in the same room and release the frustration you all feel and you'll get the opportunity in a 'safe haven' to tell each other what you are really feeling about all of this.

I think this might be the type of cathartic release that you guys might be looking for. You know when you boiled water on the stovetop, the water would get real hot, and then boil, and then finally the steam would releaes through the top with that whistling sound.

Do you remember that? Well, think of your family as just that. It's a good analogy.

Cancer is the hardest thing for all parties. I just finished the last couple of chapters writing about this in my book, so all of this is fresh on my mind, as I've just relived some of those chapters myself.

Stress is not good for cancer - don't really know how much it influences the cancer cell growth or not. But the real issue, is we don't want stress to weaken the body's resistance and make it any easier for cancer to gain a foothold.

Remember, cancer tries to get to you anyway it can. Either through the physical toll or the emotional toll and this can't be understated in our fights against cancer. And it really makes it a much longer road, doesn't it?

When you're in the middle of treatment and are so sick and stressed out, it's easy for any of us to lose our focus on what the real goal is - good health. And you do hate your life when you're up to your armpits in alligators. No question about it. And it will never change.

Cancer treatments are about Time and Patience. You have to see it as this great big hurricane that you are all caught up in and you are being tossed about, seemingly with no control. Just hang on and hold tight - like any storm, yours too will pass when Jorge gets through his protocol.

My wife was at the end of her rope just 2 weeks before treatment ended. I was a bear to live with as the chemo made me so mean and angry. I likened it to a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

I did not like myself one bit for what I was transforming into. But that's what this chemo does to you and what it is doing to Jorge. Those mean looks he is giving you is from the chemo because he feels so sick - I wish I could tell you how sick Jorge is.

I was hard on my wife just as Jorge is being hard on you. He does not mean it anymore than I did. He just hurts so badly and you're the release point for his hurts and frustration. Doesn't make it right - just what is, you know, Tina?

And you can believe that me and my wife want all of this to stop after 7-years of this mess.

It's not easy, Tina and I don't have a magic pill to take away all of your pain.

Getting back to your son....had I been that way to my dad (and he never had cancer), he would have picked up the nearest 2 x 4 and brained me in the skull with it.

Some type of toug love is in order, because this type of behavior from him can't continue - just not healthy for any of you to be living in that type of tense environment.

As always, more than proably what you wanted to read, but I have heard you talk about this on more than one occasion - and where's there is smoke, there is fire.

Best wishes and don't take this lying down - you're going to have to be the one who stands up for your family - go gather your courage - and then unleash your beast.

You just might find that they be will be scared of you and start acting right.

All the best!

-Craig

Thanks everyone
Hey thanks everyone for your kind words . Craig a very big thank you as for my son he's just a mean and very cold young man when he was a little boy his dad was a partyer he would go out after work and drink with his friends and then come home out of it and I would have to get jorge into bed so it could all be done tomorrow and it wasn't until 5years ago jorge stop everything and we got very close to each other again . But our son did not like that jorge had stop everything so as I see it he wants that bad dad back . Because my son is now at the age he can't go out and drink . But I'm losing it and don't know what to do anymore .

lisa42

sorry
Hi Tina,

I'm sorry the fighting is going on. No one needs that. I deal with my fair share of family stress too- it's no fun and not good for any of us. Fortunately, things have been much more pleasant at my house the past few days- I thought I was going to lose it there for awhile because my husband was so stressed out over his job, me, and life that he was acting very nasty and I dreaded him coming home after work each evening. Thank God he's been feeling better and so we've all gotten a reprieve from the stress.
I'm praying for you and for Jorge and Jorgie- for the stress to lift and the fighting to stop.
When it's going on, try to remove yourself instead of involving yourself. You need to get away from it!

Hugs to you my dear,
Lisa