Damn it... I hate this cancer...hate it..hate it...

nwsunni

Toni08 said:

Don't know
I don't know if this is of any comfort, but you and your husband have been in my prayers all week. It sucks, and I hope for good news next week. But you have some time to wait, so I also wish you some comfort and relaxation, possibly some fishing that you mentioned, a bit of laughter, and a bit of peace.

Sending you a hug.

All week? Oh wow. That's
All week? Oh wow. That's so amazing. Thank you!

nwsunni

luv2cut1 said:

WoW
Is right. Poignancy off the scale. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be going through that. I think about it all of the time, but have not actually had to experience it right there in my face like that. Please PM me anytime if you want to talk. I will give you my email address also if you want that.

Where do you live? Obviously, you live where there is snow. We do too - we live in Colorado. Our driveway is about 1/2 mile long, and the thought of trying to plow out by myself is daunting, to say the least. We have a tractor with a snowblower, but I am really not sure I could hook up the snow blower or remember how to operate it once it was hooked up. I love living in the country, but I am not very apt with machinery and, like you, I am not even close to being as strong physically as Pat is. My thoughts are with you in so many ways.

Please let me know if I can help.

Thoughts and prayers are with you always and I hope you both went fishing.

Myka

Myka ... We live in
Myka ... We live in Washington state in the region that borders Idaho, Washington state and Oregon. I'm right with you re the machinery. That's his job but now it's becoming mine. Agg. I was thinking last night that I'm going to privately talk to a few of his male friends and see if I can persuade them to "become my men" after Bob passes (oh wow, I just wrote that...oh boy). We just finished talking about weekend plans and I was hoping we could ride (horses) with some friends of ours this weekend that live in eastern Idaho. Wanted to ride down to this stream/waterfall area and sleep out - him on a cot. Bob thinks his derriere, though, is too bony from the weight loss..so I'm coming up with all kind of super pad ideas. Suggested using ATV instead for him but he doesn't think he has the strength. Boy, to me, he still seems strong. But he knows his body. He also mumbled that he was having a hard time with that idea cause it just keeps reminding him that it might be the last trip for him. uggg.

Good news is that I have him out -- right now -- rigging my fishing pole/box. They have a bounty program for pikeminnow (lol) around here so I'm going to have us start fishing for the money. A little fun.

Please PM me with your email! Would love to stay in touch. THANKS

Dav1965

NWSUNNI
Sorry to hear of your problems. I hope things get better. I am recovering from stage 4 cancer also. My biggest problem or concern was for my wife. I hated her having to stay almost a month in the hospital for me. I hated her having to do everything like you we live in the country. I would see if both of you could get some medicine for depression. I take something mild and it works for me. My wife was glad when i decided to take it. I did not think i was being rude but she said i was. I will be praying for you. God bless. David

sweetblood22

nwsunni said:

Hey Sweetb --- You were so
Hey Sweetb --- You were so right on about his "anger" in your other post. He has been apologizing to me profusely since then. Told me that he's just a "jerk sometimes." But we all know it's the cancer fear talking. He also told me that he didn't know what he ever did in his life to deserve me but he's so glad that I have stuck by him even in his worst behavior moments. So thanks for your earlier words and keeping me going. I don't wish this journey on any one. Never knew any one with cancer before this began and had no idea what this kind of agony felt like. I'd rather be eating ice cream and fishing, that's for sure. :-))

Anger
I usually know it, when I see it. I have been consumed with it a few times in my life, and it isn't pretty. Everyone always thinks I am just the nicest sweetest little thing, but there are a few people who have seen me at full throttle and it's not pretty. I am glad I have never let it consume me, or make me bitter. My ex husband is a bitter, sad, pathetic man. He has let anger consume him. He has never learned a lesson from any of the many, too many, traumas we had faced. With each horrible thing, I made it through, sometimes just barely, but I learned something, and I took one step up. Never down. That is what these life lessons do. All of them, the good and bad. They leave scars on our souls, we are how we let them shape us. If he has been apologizing to you profusely, then he is a good man and he knows. He will keep going through those stages, usually in and out of more than one, sometimes at the same time. Hang in there girl. It's so hard.

I like the ice cream idea, not so keen in the fishing tho. Grew out of that as I starting turning all girly girl. Lol.

Hugs and prayers,

Sweet

Jan Trinks

I've Been There
NwSunni:

First of all you are not dumping and you can come here anytime and let it out. That's what we're here for! So sorry for your news; believe me I know. It is a year today that we found out my husband's cancer had mets to lungs, liver, spine, stomach, and rib. He was diagnosed in Nov. 2008 underwent successful chemo and radiation and did great until last June 2010. Unfortunately he passed away on Aug. 21 2010. We were married for 35 years, no children except the four footed kind and it's hardest thing I've ever done. So I truly know what you're going thru. But so glad he's in a better humor and you enjoyed the evening and he feels like doing stuff. Treasure and savor those moments. If you ever want to talk with me via e-mail or phone; send me a private message and I'll give you my e-mail address and phone #'s. Remember you are not alone in this and this website is fantastic. If you want to look up my posts I'm Jan Trinks and you might want to read the one Sad News that I posted when Charlie passed away and see all the wonderful posts I got from my "csn buds". They are, have been and will continue to be a main source of strength and comfort for me. And remember, miracles do happen and I'll be praying for you and hubby. Take care and God Bless!

Jan (Basketcase - I referred to myself as basketcase wife all thru everything and I tend to get that way so stuck with it!)

JUDYV5

Mine has met to the lungs also. Side effects aren't as bad from this chemo as they were when I was fighting head and neck. The thing that bothers me the most is the lack of independence. The fact that he is able to drive himself to treatment is incrediable. I truly hope he gets his elk. Hang in there, you are in my prayers - Judy

buzz99

nwsunni
I feel so sad for the two of you and the fact that everything is happening so fast makes it that much more difficult for you. Glad to hear you have some moments together that you can treasure. I wish you had more support nearby but we are all here for you. Will be thinking of you and your husband. Take care and God bless you. Karen

tesa

buzz99 said:

nwsunni
I feel so sad for the two of you and the fact that everything is happening so fast makes it that much more difficult for you. Glad to hear you have some moments together that you can treasure. I wish you had more support nearby but we are all here for you. Will be thinking of you and your husband. Take care and God bless you. Karen

I totally understand what
I totally understand what you're going through. I'm dealing with my mom's situation and I am losing my mind. Surgery isn't an option either, but I've not given up. We have been fighting this since June 2010, and ever since treatments ended the news keeps getting worse and worse. I'm having headaches and depression. I will keep praying hard for you guys. Please pray for my mom.

sportsman

Hate this cancer
We all hate this cancer that we have experienced and had to deal with. I was a normal fifty eight year old in the shape of most men who are in their thirties when the old lymph gland popped out on my neck. After finding out that I had pharyngeal cancer and without surgery, radiation and chemo only had two to six months to live I was totally devastated. With all this the doctors only gave me a fifty per cent chance to live. In December it will be five years since I was diagnosed and it has been a hard five years because of all the side effects I have from radiation and chemo. At first I wanted to give up and die but I felt I had to fight for my wife and family. There were still things I wanted to do in life and I have got to experience some of these maybe not in a normal manner but nevertheless I do the best I can to experience the life I have left. Head and neck cancer is not as widely known about as breast cancer and other cancers but probably due to the severe radiation you have to take is more devastating than any cancer. I am not minimizing any cancer because cancer is horrible no matter what type you have. In regards to your husband being the muscle in your family I am not in a situation like you are. I was a avid sports person being a coach, a golfer and a person who stayed outdoors. There are many times I feel sorry for myself and still want to give up but I just try to live life one day at a time. If you and your husband are people of faith use the faith you have to rely on. I feel like God has kept me here for a reason and someday when I go on to be with him I will be whole again with no more pain or sorrow. Praying for you and your husband. Larry in North Carolina

vermontliz

Hate it hate it
I hate it too. My prayers are with you. We were told bad news...6 months. But you know what? I am learning by experience that all we have is TODAY.. That is all any of us have, really. Try not to let cancer consume life. Life is your love for your husband and communicating your fears and hopes together, right where you are...right now.

Best to you, keep the faith and look forward to life tonight... tomorrow and well into the future too!

mswijiknyc

Don't go borrowing tomorrow's troubles
I know exactly where you are at in every aspect because Dec 22 - 29, 2010, I was there too. My husband Patrick was diagnosed stage 4b laryngeal in Sept 2010, had radical neck dissection and laryngectomy Oct 1, 2010, and he started having a lot of problems in December. On Dec 30 I was told I had run out of time. Patrick had been telling me for a while that he was dying just get him a gun and let him end it himself.

I wrote on the caregiver's boards regularly when he was in hospice. He passed at home February 17, 2011. I knew it was coming, but it didn't make things any easier.

Don't EVER give up hope, but I am a firm believer or quality over quantity. Trust your gut, and PM me if you need.

Loves and Hugs,
April

rarph123

same
We are in WA.also being treated @ prov. hosp. with 4BOT & lung cancer Doc said same "we cannot cure it but can treat it. I refuse to let this control my life or my wife life. She has me on supplements--protien powder dry milk and many fruit items blended in blender.We also looked into med. marj and found a reciept to mix it in penut butter--for me it has slowed down the lung cancer and increased food intake as well as 10 hrs of sleep.I will try anything that can help within reason.You got-a be strong and join the fight with him,wife went thru a week of tears and one day said I'm in this fight with you and we are going to win.Gain weight for the fight and shop for foods that have healing. Next week I'm trying a new product from the deep south and will drop a line on it,at this point it could or could not help. Like to see your next post with anger and fight

Rufus