Just need to vent

jbeans888
jbeans888 Member Posts: 313
So it's my 3rd day post 6th chemo and I am achey and sore and in the middle of moving and I am tired. I try to stay positive but everything is pissing me off. I try to put on a front that I am okay because I don't want to burden any body, but I am finding it more difficult and I am trying to relax, but can't. Because I am 31 everyone I know is having kids and that is upsetting me too because I can't. I dont want to act mad around them because it's not there fault I can't gave kids but it's hard for me to get excited for them and I am just putting on a fake front and I feel like i have nobody to talk to about it. I just want to feel normal again. I want my ostomy reversed and I don't want to be a cancer patient anymore. I need words of encouragement. Before I loose it. Thanks teal sisters.

Comments

  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    it is so hard
    to keep your cool when you are going through chemo. I am sorry you don't have any children. It is so unfair as you are so young and this should be the best times of your life. I was dx. at a much later age and have kids and grandkids. Please keep the faith as you are half way through tx. Is there someone colose you can talk to as a priest or clergy, or ,aybe of group in your town of young ca. survivors. come back and vent more if you need..val
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    p*ssed off
    Me too... I'm so very tired of this endless chemo AND I'm tired of being a cancer patient! But you wanted some words of encouragement so here goes... the third day after chemo is so very yucky (and moving is worse), but you will feel better in a couple of days. You've made it through so much already and you can make it as far as you need to go. I think for most of us, we come here for understanding. Of course it's hard to be excited for others right now and I wish they could be a little more sensitive to your feelings. You are young and strong.. go out there and beat this totally unfair beast of a disease!
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • Chemo_Princess
    Chemo_Princess Member Posts: 105
    I understand
    I too am unable to have children. When I was diagnosed I was so mad!! I said "I should have got knocked up at 19 like everybody else!" It really isn't fair. Nothing about cancer is fair. I've been on chemo for over two years now. At this point I'm glad I don't have children; I couldn't properly care for them. I do well to take care of my cats and myself.
    I hope you have a better day tomorrow. It's hard but we have to keep fighting.
    Blessings,
    Natalie
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,376 Member
    You are not a burden
    I think cancer teaches us a lot of lessons. Many of them address how we relate to ourselves and others. You sound like a very strong, self-reliant, person who typically takes care of others. Ironically, this is the type of personality, described in the book Anti-cancer as a type B personality, that is often the trait of people who end up with cancer.

    Face it, you can't do all the things you were able to do while not undergoing treatment. Pace yourself, deligate, don't expect too much of yourself, and learn to rely on others. It really is all about you right now. If hearing about someone else's kids is difficult for you, tell them how hard it is. It is normal to be pissed off by this disease, but don't keep it bottled up inside to spare others. This is not the time to play little miss perfect. If they can't deal with your emotions, then perhaps they aren't the best people to be around right now. This disease teaches you who your true friends are and how to depend on them.
  • Radioactive34
    Radioactive34 Member Posts: 391 Member
    Somedays I suck at
    Somedays I suck at encouragement. I can send you virtual hugs and try not to lecture you while you vent.
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    Trying not to burden anyone
    Trying not to burden anyone becomes quite a burden itself. You do not need that extra weight on you. You don't have to be insensitive to people but if there was a time to make it about you this is the time. And being positive all the time is unrealistic, take a deep breath and do something nice for yourself. Talk to someone about your feelings about not having kids keeping it in will not help. You are doing terrific so you are doing something right !
    Colleen
  • tjpt16
    tjpt16 Member Posts: 27
    Let It out!
    My doctor told me to let my emotions be expressed ... If I'm angry don't keep it in, all of our emotions are valid and need to be expressed. It's healing for us to vent and laugh and cry. i'm 52 and childless. We hoped for children, but it never happened for us. So I've experienced that disappointment during my 30's as well.

    One other thing, as one of my friends has told me, "Don't worry about them. This is about you.". Right now how you feel is most important. I think most people when hearing of someone who has cancer, are concerned, but mostly relieved that it's not them who has it.

    Teresa
  • tjpt16
    tjpt16 Member Posts: 27
    Let It out!
    My doctor told me to let my emotions be expressed ... If I'm angry don't keep it in, all of our emotions are valid and need to be expressed. It's healing for us to vent and laugh and cry. i'm 52 and childless. We hoped for children, but it never happened for us. So I've experienced that disappointment during my 30's as well.

    One other thing, as one of my friends has told me, "Don't worry about them. This is about you.". Right now how you feel is most important. I think most people when hearing of someone who has cancer, are concerned, but mostly relieved that it's not them who has it.

    Teresa
  • cfont11
    cfont11 Member Posts: 115
    Don't be afraid to let your
    Don't be afraid to let your feelings out. Do you have support, like family or friends? You have every right to be pissed off and angry so go ahead and vent, you will feel better. I could not have kids before I got cancer and I felt like you do now. Adoption did not work out for us either. None of us want to be cancer patients but it is part of who we are now and you can look at it as an opportunity to change. I am eating better and started excercising. I have a permanent ileostomy, since January, and I am still trying to get used to it. I have been on a discussion board for people with ostomies, maybe that would help you too. Have you talked to your doctor about medication that may help, like atavan or an anti-depressant. Do you take anything for the aches and soreness? I would take medrol for days 4 - 10 after a chemo treatments and it got rid of all the aches. Perhaps going to a support group would also help. Most hospital's cancer centers offer them. In addition to this discussion board, I go to a support group for women with gynecological cancers and it helps me a great deal. You will get through this; be strong and vent away!
  • jbeans888
    jbeans888 Member Posts: 313
    cfont11 said:

    Don't be afraid to let your
    Don't be afraid to let your feelings out. Do you have support, like family or friends? You have every right to be pissed off and angry so go ahead and vent, you will feel better. I could not have kids before I got cancer and I felt like you do now. Adoption did not work out for us either. None of us want to be cancer patients but it is part of who we are now and you can look at it as an opportunity to change. I am eating better and started excercising. I have a permanent ileostomy, since January, and I am still trying to get used to it. I have been on a discussion board for people with ostomies, maybe that would help you too. Have you talked to your doctor about medication that may help, like atavan or an anti-depressant. Do you take anything for the aches and soreness? I would take medrol for days 4 - 10 after a chemo treatments and it got rid of all the aches. Perhaps going to a support group would also help. Most hospital's cancer centers offer them. In addition to this discussion board, I go to a support group for women with gynecological cancers and it helps me a great deal. You will get through this; be strong and vent away!

    Thanks everyone for
    Thanks everyone for listening to me vent. It always feels good to have people give you a pick me up. I agree that most people hear about cancer they automatically think "Thank God its not me." Thankfully I do have support from my fiancee, family and some friends. I also take ativan for anxiety and zoloft for antidepressant. And when I need to I take pain killers for pains that I get in my legs and knees. They seem to be more and more. I go for my CT scan on July 29th to see if I am clean. I pray to God that I am. I really want my ostomy reversed and to feel "normal" again. Thanks everyone.
  • dreamer007
    dreamer007 Member Posts: 61
    jbeans888 said:

    Thanks everyone for
    Thanks everyone for listening to me vent. It always feels good to have people give you a pick me up. I agree that most people hear about cancer they automatically think "Thank God its not me." Thankfully I do have support from my fiancee, family and some friends. I also take ativan for anxiety and zoloft for antidepressant. And when I need to I take pain killers for pains that I get in my legs and knees. They seem to be more and more. I go for my CT scan on July 29th to see if I am clean. I pray to God that I am. I really want my ostomy reversed and to feel "normal" again. Thanks everyone.

    venting is good
    It is so nice to have a place to vent, without people saying "oh, you are so negative",
    and things like that... if you never had cancer, then STFU is my motto...LOL!

    has anyone ever had a family member say they "have cancer vicariously thru you"
    my older sister told me that a few months ago, and i was livid... i could not talk to
    her in person about it, cuz she is a little mentally "off" anyway... i wrote her a letter
    and asked her some questions, in the form of statements... like if she has the number
    one fear --recurrence, and the second fear --financial ruin... then went on about it
    for about a page, making my point very clear... have not heard from her since
    i do still wonder, why she seems to act like her "vicarious cancer" is more important
    than the fact that i DO have cancer

    sometimes, i think the post chemo is harder than the actual time of going thru
    chemo... at least the mental part is much harder

    hope everyone has a good week...im looking forward to the Homerun Derby
    and then the All Star Game

    dreamer007
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528

    venting is good
    It is so nice to have a place to vent, without people saying "oh, you are so negative",
    and things like that... if you never had cancer, then STFU is my motto...LOL!

    has anyone ever had a family member say they "have cancer vicariously thru you"
    my older sister told me that a few months ago, and i was livid... i could not talk to
    her in person about it, cuz she is a little mentally "off" anyway... i wrote her a letter
    and asked her some questions, in the form of statements... like if she has the number
    one fear --recurrence, and the second fear --financial ruin... then went on about it
    for about a page, making my point very clear... have not heard from her since
    i do still wonder, why she seems to act like her "vicarious cancer" is more important
    than the fact that i DO have cancer

    sometimes, i think the post chemo is harder than the actual time of going thru
    chemo... at least the mental part is much harder

    hope everyone has a good week...im looking forward to the Homerun Derby
    and then the All Star Game

    dreamer007

    I have been very upset
    I have been very upset knowing that my hair will fall out. Yeah, I know in the whole scheme of things that it's not important. However, it still bothers me. My sister doesn't think it's that big of a deal. I asked her how she would like it if she knew she was going to lose her hair. (She is MUCH more concerned with appearance of herself, etc. than I have ever been) Anyway, she said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go."

    How does she know what she would do? No one has any idea how they would react (or not react).

    I love this board!!

    Carla
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528

    venting is good
    It is so nice to have a place to vent, without people saying "oh, you are so negative",
    and things like that... if you never had cancer, then STFU is my motto...LOL!

    has anyone ever had a family member say they "have cancer vicariously thru you"
    my older sister told me that a few months ago, and i was livid... i could not talk to
    her in person about it, cuz she is a little mentally "off" anyway... i wrote her a letter
    and asked her some questions, in the form of statements... like if she has the number
    one fear --recurrence, and the second fear --financial ruin... then went on about it
    for about a page, making my point very clear... have not heard from her since
    i do still wonder, why she seems to act like her "vicarious cancer" is more important
    than the fact that i DO have cancer

    sometimes, i think the post chemo is harder than the actual time of going thru
    chemo... at least the mental part is much harder

    hope everyone has a good week...im looking forward to the Homerun Derby
    and then the All Star Game

    dreamer007

    I have been very upset
    I have been very upset knowing that my hair will fall out. Yeah, I know in the whole scheme of things that it's not important. However, it still bothers me. My sister doesn't think it's that big of a deal. I asked her how she would like it if she knew she was going to lose her hair. (She is MUCH more concerned with appearance of herself, etc. than I have ever been) Anyway, she said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go."

    How does she know what she would do? No one has any idea how they would react (or not react).

    I love this board!!

    Carla
  • faithbarbalace
    faithbarbalace Member Posts: 15

    I have been very upset
    I have been very upset knowing that my hair will fall out. Yeah, I know in the whole scheme of things that it's not important. However, it still bothers me. My sister doesn't think it's that big of a deal. I asked her how she would like it if she knew she was going to lose her hair. (She is MUCH more concerned with appearance of herself, etc. than I have ever been) Anyway, she said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go."

    How does she know what she would do? No one has any idea how they would react (or not react).

    I love this board!!

    Carla

    carla
    I chose to cut my hair off before it fell, because had long hair. I let me have the power and control. then I went to hair shop and bought 7 wigs. the expensive ones are kinda waste of money. they do look good, but borrrrrring. try making it fun , and remember you are in control.