Prayers Needed in Crisis

emamei

I am going in for my radiation mapping appointment tomorrow morning with treatments beginning on July 6th. I'm nervous and emotionally drained.

We need your prayers desperately. My mother-in-law is crazy. She dropped a bomb on me this past Wednesday. You see, she owns the house we live in (no she doesn't live with us) and we rent from her. During times of financial crisis (due to job loss or the additional health care costs due to my breast cancer) she's allowed us to waive rent, although not without giving us a lot of grief and reproach.

She is wealthy and together with her brother they own two commercial properties; a three story apartment block in a very affluent area of our city (where she happens to live in) and a portion of a strip mall in the suburbs. She is 67, her husband is 63. She owns these properties jointly with her 69 year old brother.

Her brother is forcing her to sell the properties as he is wishing to complete his estate planning. These properties will easily yield between 2 and 3 million dollars.

However, my mother-in-law has mental health issues and is an alcoholic and is in an utter state of panic. She is irrational and illogical and has told me on Wednesday that she will soon be homeless (which is not the case), therefore she wants to kick us out and either take the house for herself or more likely sell it outright.

I was pleading with her, begging her through tears, trying to reason with her and pointed out that she will have more than enough money from the sales of her commercial holdings to purchase the townhouse she's been dreaming of with loads of money left over. She and her husband have healthy pensions, investments, own a lake house, etc., and travel extensively. She wants for nothing. I asked why she felt she needed to sell the house that has been our home for the last 7 years, the only home our kids have known, her answer "so the money from the sale of the house will pay for her groceries" - OMG!!! I reminded her that I'm still going through cancer treatment and will be for months, my husband (her son) may lose his job due to company restructuring and we have no money to move or pay the outrageous rents in our area. I asked her what she expected us to do? She very coldly told me that she expects us to find somewhere else to live.

I've been in tears, sobbing off and on for days. I met with my counselor at my cancer agency the day after this happened. She was shocked and said that it is clear my mother-in-law is mentally unstable, irrational and she urgently suggested that my husband and I reach out to others, extended family especially who can intercede and advocate for us, that neither me or my husband should try and deal with her on our own given our personal circumstances. My mother-in-law actually called my husband at work on Friday and told him she wanted him and only him to come talk with her about all this. She emphasized that she did not want me present. He reminded her he was at work and could not talk with her and she acted very surprised that he was at work, almost like she didn't expect him to me - omg!

We've reached out and have been speaking with my husband's aunt, (my mother-in-law's sister-in-law) for the last two days about helping us with her. She has begun to do that. Thank God she has a psychology background. She spoke with my mother-in-law yesterday and the conversation was hostile and calm. She believes she's begun to get my mother-in-law to see some things more rationally and will be meeting with her face-to-face on Tuesday to try and get her to back down and leave us be.

My mother-in-law is a monster and we need all the prayers we can get right now. We're scared. I haven't been able to eat since Wednesday. Every time I do, I get sick. My nerves are shot, I've had a migraine since Wednesday as well and sleep is almost non-existent right now.

Any support, words of advice, and prayers you can offer would be so gratefully appreciated. Thank you all.

poplolly

It goes without saying that
It goes without saying that my prayers are with you. Some things I'm wondering about in this situation: does the mother-in-laws husband have anything to say? can he be approached? would she be more responsive to her son than to you? Alcoholics are very unpredictable and your in-law could have all kinds of metal problems even aside from the drinking. It's hard to believe anyone can be so cruel. Does she have any kind of relationship with her grandkids? Maybe she would respond to the idea that these kids need the stability of this home at this time. Could your husband talk to the in-laws brother who is pushing her buttons on selling properties? Perhaps a lot of this is coming from her panic. Maybe if the aunt continues to talk to the in-law she will begin to be more rational.

I don't think I've really helped, but my basic advice based on the above is for you not to try and reason with her. It looks like it's time for your husband to set a time to talk with her, and maybe not by himself. As to the radiation, I cried when they did my markings which was so silly because it didn't hurt at all; I was just scared of the unknown. The worst part of it is you have to lie still while they do it. Of course as soon as they told me that, my nose began to itch! The treatments themselves are fast after the initial markings and are nothing compared to the chemo. I will pray for you and your family, and I'll pray that your mother-in-law comes to her senses.

Take care--Judy

emamei

poplolly said:

It goes without saying that
It goes without saying that my prayers are with you. Some things I'm wondering about in this situation: does the mother-in-laws husband have anything to say? can he be approached? would she be more responsive to her son than to you? Alcoholics are very unpredictable and your in-law could have all kinds of metal problems even aside from the drinking. It's hard to believe anyone can be so cruel. Does she have any kind of relationship with her grandkids? Maybe she would respond to the idea that these kids need the stability of this home at this time. Could your husband talk to the in-laws brother who is pushing her buttons on selling properties? Perhaps a lot of this is coming from her panic. Maybe if the aunt continues to talk to the in-law she will begin to be more rational.

I don't think I've really helped, but my basic advice based on the above is for you not to try and reason with her. It looks like it's time for your husband to set a time to talk with her, and maybe not by himself. As to the radiation, I cried when they did my markings which was so silly because it didn't hurt at all; I was just scared of the unknown. The worst part of it is you have to lie still while they do it. Of course as soon as they told me that, my nose began to itch! The treatments themselves are fast after the initial markings and are nothing compared to the chemo. I will pray for you and your family, and I'll pray that your mother-in-law comes to her senses.

Take care--Judy

To answer your questions...
We don't know where her husband is in the mess of this all. He too can be quite hostile. As for my husband (her son) talking with her, he's tried and we're completely spent right now and just cannot deal with her given everything else we're currently going through. We have three daughters (her grand-daughters) and we don't know if she's even considering them at this point. Her brother is just as unstable and unapproachable as she is so talking with him is out of the question. My husband's aunt is feeling hopeful that she will be able to get through to her, calm her down, help her regain some rational thinking, take into consideration what we and our children are going through and get her off our case.

Thank you so, so much for your prayers.

Megan M

emamei said:

To answer your questions...
We don't know where her husband is in the mess of this all. He too can be quite hostile. As for my husband (her son) talking with her, he's tried and we're completely spent right now and just cannot deal with her given everything else we're currently going through. We have three daughters (her grand-daughters) and we don't know if she's even considering them at this point. Her brother is just as unstable and unapproachable as she is so talking with him is out of the question. My husband's aunt is feeling hopeful that she will be able to get through to her, calm her down, help her regain some rational thinking, take into consideration what we and our children are going through and get her off our case.

Thank you so, so much for your prayers.

This is awful! I am so
This is awful! I am so sorry Emamei! I will keep you in my prayers!


Hugs, Megan

Megan M

emamei said:

To answer your questions...
We don't know where her husband is in the mess of this all. He too can be quite hostile. As for my husband (her son) talking with her, he's tried and we're completely spent right now and just cannot deal with her given everything else we're currently going through. We have three daughters (her grand-daughters) and we don't know if she's even considering them at this point. Her brother is just as unstable and unapproachable as she is so talking with him is out of the question. My husband's aunt is feeling hopeful that she will be able to get through to her, calm her down, help her regain some rational thinking, take into consideration what we and our children are going through and get her off our case.

Thank you so, so much for your prayers.

This is awful! I am so
This is awful! I am so sorry Emamei! I will keep you in my prayers!


Hugs, Megan

VickiSam

Megan M said:

This is awful! I am so
This is awful! I am so sorry Emamei! I will keep you in my prayers!


Hugs, Megan

Judy .. my heart goes out to you, and your
immediate family (husband and girls).

I know all too well about wealthy in laws, and their innate ability to have tunnel vision. It's all about them, themselves, and them. I found that my in laws, now my mother in -- lost the ability to show or have 'compassion' in any circumstance, health issue or economic stage.

I've seen it all, and believe me .. lived thru hell .. Judy. . ...

So what I decided years ago .. was to live independent of them -- creating my own family -- traditions .. etc. My in laws never bought either of my 2 children a pair of shoes -- not even from pay less .. I did not allow it!

My mother in laws lives in her own home -- with 24 hour care // 3 care taker (eating up $1500.00 a week of her savings and money) .. all she does now, is sit at her kitchen window .. watching the world go by.

My husband her son .. would travel 1 hour each way -- 2 to 3 times a week to tend to her bills, and apartment business and doctor's appointments. His recent eye scare .. and surgery has put a stop to all of that .. so now I drive him down to pay his mom's bills 1 time every 10 to 14 days. I walk in say hello .. a few pleasantries, then I drive to the local mall and shop, and walk for 2 hours. I go back pick up my husband, and off we go home.

I sleep very well at night, I have been better to his parents then either deserved .. but I broke that cycle .. long ago.

My husband no longer works on my in laws multiple apartment building -- repairing, painting, roofing --as he had for so many years -- free of service. Believe me .. it's taken years ..

Bottom line .. life sucks right now .. your husband's unstable job environment, you fighting breast cancer --- your Mother in law and her brother wanted to sell the home you've lived in for 7 years .. unfair .. But, that is her choice.

Praying that our Lord opens up a rental for you and your family ..

Good luck,

Strength, Courage and Hope.

Vicki Sam

Ritzy

VickiSam said:

Judy .. my heart goes out to you, and your
immediate family (husband and girls).

I know all too well about wealthy in laws, and their innate ability to have tunnel vision. It's all about them, themselves, and them. I found that my in laws, now my mother in -- lost the ability to show or have 'compassion' in any circumstance, health issue or economic stage.

I've seen it all, and believe me .. lived thru hell .. Judy. . ...

So what I decided years ago .. was to live independent of them -- creating my own family -- traditions .. etc. My in laws never bought either of my 2 children a pair of shoes -- not even from pay less .. I did not allow it!

My mother in laws lives in her own home -- with 24 hour care // 3 care taker (eating up $1500.00 a week of her savings and money) .. all she does now, is sit at her kitchen window .. watching the world go by.

My husband her son .. would travel 1 hour each way -- 2 to 3 times a week to tend to her bills, and apartment business and doctor's appointments. His recent eye scare .. and surgery has put a stop to all of that .. so now I drive him down to pay his mom's bills 1 time every 10 to 14 days. I walk in say hello .. a few pleasantries, then I drive to the local mall and shop, and walk for 2 hours. I go back pick up my husband, and off we go home.

I sleep very well at night, I have been better to his parents then either deserved .. but I broke that cycle .. long ago.

My husband no longer works on my in laws multiple apartment building -- repairing, painting, roofing --as he had for so many years -- free of service. Believe me .. it's taken years ..

Bottom line .. life sucks right now .. your husband's unstable job environment, you fighting breast cancer --- your Mother in law and her brother wanted to sell the home you've lived in for 7 years .. unfair .. But, that is her choice.

Praying that our Lord opens up a rental for you and your family ..

Good luck,

Strength, Courage and Hope.

Vicki Sam

"(
I'm so sorry Judy. I just can't believe how some people can be, especially close relatives. I am sending you lots of cyber hugs and lots of prayers! I hope somehow this will all work out in your best interest.


Sue

aysemari

Judy here's to hoping this stress
will be out of your life very soon. God knows you don't need it in addition to
what you are already going through. I really hope she comes to her senses and
gets off your case. It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people can be at
times, to other people's needs and sorrow.

Hugs,
Ayse

Kylez

aysemari said:

Judy here's to hoping this stress
will be out of your life very soon. God knows you don't need it in addition to
what you are already going through. I really hope she comes to her senses and
gets off your case. It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people can be at
times, to other people's needs and sorrow.

Hugs,
Ayse

Hoping and praying that your
Hoping and praying that your Mother in Law will come to her senses, and, very soon. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this Judy.

Big hugs,

Kylez

laughs_a_lot

mental health of relatives.
There is a possibiltiy that it may actually not be outright selfishness on thier parts. They may actually believe it is true that they will need the home sold to survive for grocery money. If that is an actual beleif, they may need medication that would assist them in having thier thougts return to some semblance of reality. If this is the case they truly are in a self preservation mode. Having some exprience in mental health issues it is possible if your mother in law really believes she is in financial ruin that her brother suffers from the same delusional thoughts. These types of problems tend to run in families. I truly hope that it is not a need for medication as it would mean that your mother in law is feeling as financially threatened as you do at present. I would call that a tripple tragedy.

Naturally you are on my prayer list. Here is a suggestion. Is there any chapters of Habitat for Humanity in your area. If so get on a list as a candidate for a Habitat home. Naturally the list will be long abut doing this and also checking into some housing based on family income will allow you to feel a bit empowered that at least you are doing something to get out of the mess. If your relatives end up being able to face reality (or getting some compassion if they are not mentally ill) you can always turn down the chance to get a Habitat home or rent controlled place to live. Make a step towards moving ASAP while praying for the situation to reverse itself. That way you are covering all your bases.