The crazy making process of waiting for test results.

CessnaFlyer
CessnaFlyer Member Posts: 110
in Colorectal Cancer #1
It’s amazing how much I was catastrophizing things when I visited my doctor this week to learn the results of my CEA and CT scan. This would be the one year mark since my last chemo treatment, and my doctor told me that if colon cancer returns then in 90% of the cases it will happen within the first year from the last treatment. So, I was nervous, and had a bad feeling about what I would soon learn. The moment I arrived at my Oncologist I noticed that things were different. The nurses and staff seemed more serious than usual. None of them asked about our new Dalmatian puppy, as they had in the past, and it seemed that a few of them gave me sympathetic looks, as if they knew something that I didn’t. I was brought to a treatment room and told to wait, and as the minutes ticked by I noticed other strange things. The nurse hadn’t stopped by to check my blood pressure. She always had checked it before, and had checked to see if I had changed any medications, but this time she just rushed by the open door of my treatment room, glancing in and then rushing on. Everyone seemed to be avoiding me. Even my Oncologist. In the past he had always given me a friendly wave and told me he would be right with me. This time he gave me a concerned look as he rushed by the door. This went on for 45 minutes, with nurses and doctors rushing by, but none of them stopping to acknowledge that I was there. I was now 100% certain that the first words out of my doctors mouth would be, “The cancer has returned.” I knew this with a certainty, and now I knew why there was such a delay in seeing the doctor. They were scheduling my admission to the hospital, and contacting my surgeon to see when he had an availability for surgery. I thought about the projects that I would now have to put on hold. I had just picked up a new client for my advertising agency, and would now have to resign that account. I was also in the middle of building a high-performance computer for the graphics side of my business, and I would now have to abandon that effort. Also, I was scheduled to sign the papers for the re-fi on my house. I had no interest in moving ahead with that. Not when my entire world was falling apart. Then, suddenly he was there. My oncologist swept into the treatment room holding a thick file bulging with my medical reports and when he sat down I blurted out my question. “The cancer has returned, hasn’t it?” He gave me a look like I was crazy and said, “No, everything is fine." And as we went over my CT scan results I learned that everything really was fine, and my CEA level was 2.0 and so that was fine, too. So, I wish I could say that I have faced the challenges of cancer with a brave, positive outlook, but that wouldn’t be the truth. Ever since they found a tumor in my ascending colon the size of an orange, one of the largest the surgeon has ever seen, I have been dreading the return of this evil cancer, but it hasn’t returned, so far. In spite of my negativity, I keep recovering. I keep getting better. The effects of the chemo are gone. My business is recovering. I'm jogging again. And except for the time spent waiting for the results of CEA and CT cans, I'm enjoying life. So, if any of you out there are feeling a little rattled by this whole process, this whole nasty encounter with cancer, then I can identify. Nothing about cancer is easy, in my opinion, and even though I haven’t been spending a lot of time in the group lately, I wanted to share my good news with all of you to let you know that even a negative person like me can have a positive outcome.

Comments

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #2
    Scanxiety
    I rarely go in for scan results with a too positive attitude. I hope for the best but prepare for bad news. That way it's nice to be pleasantly surprised.
    Glad it turned out OK.
    These is an interesting article in TIME about cancer and they deal with scanxiety.
    -phil
  • BettyJoM
    BettyJoM Member Posts: 82
    #3
    Thank you
    LOl If I didnt know better I would have thought that story was about me....except I havent hit the one year mark. I will react the same way
    Good for you, Congratulations
    Betty Jo
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #4
    BettyJoM said:

    Thank you
    LOl If I didnt know better I would have thought that story was about me....except I havent hit the one year mark. I will react the same way
    Good for you, Congratulations
    Betty Jo

    cessna
    great post....i find really it doesn't get better.....


    haha my blood pressure can hit 180....I know I am dying....

    and then you hear those magic words....cea 2.0


    good for you

    mags
  • marqimark
    marqimark Member Posts: 242 Member
    #5
    Man, I thought you were a goner...LOL

    Congrats on the positive results.

    I get labs done in less than two weeks. My second of the every three months after chemo for five years tests. Not nervous yet.

    Mark
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #6
    Congrats
    So very glad to hear that the news was far better than what you thought.

    Unfortunately, for most of us, waiting for and getting 'results' is a really tough time...we want desperately to have good report but know that if could just as easily go the other way.

    Always glad to hear the good news!

    Marie who loves kitties
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #7
    Yay!
    I'm so glad you shared with us, and I LOVE your results!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • belindahill
    belindahill Member Posts: 144
    #8
    tootsie1 said:

    Yay!
    I'm so glad you shared with us, and I LOVE your results!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    good news
    So glad for you, my husbands was also in the same part of the bowel, we get so worked up about scan results, we are 10 mths post surgery, when is it you take the one year mark? after chemo or from dx?. Well done to you.
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #9
    you scared me!
    Hi there,

    It's good to see a post from you! I have to admit that while I was reading, I'm thinking "oh,no- his cancer returned". Blah on you! :) (joke). I'm soooo glad that wasn't how your message finished, and that the onc had GOOd news for you- that's wonderful!! Congratulations! Now it's time to worry less and move on with the life that is already getting better for you. Go out and chase those clients, go out and ENJOY life!!

    Take care and don't be a stranger here-

    Lisa
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #10
    that was a close call, glad you made it
    you really had me going.

    hugs,
    pete
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #11
    We know how you feel
    I actually had convinced myself the cancer was back too a few weeks ago. I get so freaked out every time I have to get scans (every 3 months) but thank God I have been cancer free for almost 2.5 years, hald way to the magic number of 5 years...

    Good news and I am very happy for you..

    HUGS
    Beth

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